neostar8710 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Hi, I am writing here looking for some kind of guidance. I've seen several threads ismilar to mine, but still, I need to express my mind somewhere rather than to my girlfriend, because it will hurt her. Sorry if this is long. I'm 21 years old, in college, waiting to finish. My entire life since I saw couples and etc, I wanted that. Someone to hold, kiss, embrace. I;ve had a few bad relationships, not real ones. They were all short and fleeting, and it was me who got heartbroken. But the girlfriend I have now, it's finally what I've wanted, but now, I feel conflicted. We met September 18th through a friend, and the entire night, we didn't talk much, because I thought she was with some other guy, but after the club she looked at me straight in the eyes and said "You're such an awesome person!". And the feeling I felt was incredible. Since then, I pursued her and we became offical a month later. Things were fine for 2 months, then before I went to meet her family, this feeling of anxiety hit me HARD. I started thinking of everything negative of her in every aspect possible, so bad, my stomach started hurting. I was very mad at myself. Prior to this, we spent a week together, haha. When I went to see her, the feeling did not subside, I broke down in front of her, and we almost broke up. After that, I felt a lot better and started looking into what happened to me. One has o understand she is a very confident woman who has big dreams while me, i am unconfident, but has big dreams for the future. She told me she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, and i was sure i did too until these feelings of anxiety hit me. it's so lame because when i am with her, i look for flaws in her, like physically which is wrong. it drives me insane. A issue could be that we are kind of long distance, 40 minute train ride, and we spend 3 nights out of the week together, meaning we get no work done on the weekends. so a lack of accomplishment can be part of my anxiety. i started to see other reasons for this because i know for one a) i don't love myself b)i am emotionally immature i've never felt so lost in my life, because i know this is what i wanted, a girl who loves me for everything, for who i am. but i am finding out who i am not happy with who i am, i am more astonished how a relationship can lead to all these self discoveiries. I am actually starting to see a therapist instead of venting these frustartions to her, because it hurts her. i've talked to friends, and one of them has felt this way too, but has gotten over it. I've only been with her for a little over three months. All my past relationships have never gotten to this point. Is this normal? do relationships cause you to grow and see things you've never seen before? I do not want to lose her for my own idiotic insecurities and lost-ness. I am determined to find my own answer, but i just wanted to share this here to have some insight.
cresentcrow44 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I rarely use the word normal for anything. I mean, really what's normal? It sounds to me like you have some self esteem issues. Maybe some fear of commitment issues or intimacy issues or all of the above. A therapist can probably help more, than anything I may say. But here goes... Take some time to get to know yourself, your true self. I learned recently that I have never had a relationship work because I forgot who I was. Every time I tried to force a relationship to work, it failed that much faster. I took some time and got to know myself again. Not only has it given me my confidence back, but my self respect has also grown. It made all the difference in the world. I hope this helps in some small way. I hope this works out for you. Good Luck.
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