hers Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 My wife and kids live in another country for the past two years. I see them about 2-3 weeks every two months, plus they come to the States to spend the summers with me. My problem is I get bored by myself, and don't like to stay home so I go out to a bar at night. I know the drinking is not good for me, but that's beside the point... I am very faithful to my wife, so I don't frequent singles bars as there is no reason for me to go. I'm not interested in sports, so I don't care about sport's bars as I get bored with all the games on twenty screens. Nor do I care about going to 'redneck' bars because that's not my thing either, as I don't care about discussing pickup trucks, etc. I enjoy female company, but as I said I don't care to go to single's bars because there's no point to letting myself get tempted. Instead, there is a lesbian bar close to my home that I frequent. The girls accept me and know my story. I have become good friends with some of them, and what I like is that there is no sexual tension because, well, they're interested in girls. My wife doesn't know I frequent a lesbian bar. She never asks me what I do, so I haven't brought it up. What do you think of my solution to finding companionship? Is this an ok way to handle being by myself and needing people around to chat with, etc?
Geishawhelk Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I think the fact that you're posting is an indication of the fact that you feel a little guilty about this. You know, Communication is one of the central elements necessary to a strong relationship. Without it, your relationship is already firing on some kind of minor betrayal. Trust Communication Respect. That's what you have to have. You're not communicating with your wife. And if she somehow finds out - She'll find it hard to Trust you, no matter what the circumstances are. And in a way, you are disrespecting her. You need to find a way to talk to your wife and let her know you have female friends, but they are no danger to your marriage. just don't run into anyone Bi......
Author hers Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 Dear Geishawhelk, Maybe you're right, but how do I go about bringing up this topic? I come from 'a long line of chickens', and need the right approach. Oh, by the way, even if a few are 'bi', trust me, girls don't come to this bar looking for guys!
Geishawhelk Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Ok, I admit it's a toughie, and saying you come from a long line of chickens, is a bit of a cop-out. or coop-out, if you like..... Dare to be different. That's what I say. Has your wife never asked you what you do with yourself in the evenings, where you socialise, what you do in your spare time? (I have to admit, I'd be curious to know, if I were she....) Maybe, at a time when she asks "so, what did you do this weekend?" you could say, "Oh, I found this bar, and went in to have a drink, and i thought it was weird, because there were no guys there, but then I felt so embarassed because some girl asked me what I thought I was doing there... I thought she sounded a bit hostile, but I told her I wasn't from these parts and I didn't know what she meant, and she told me it's a bar for gay women! actually, I got talking to a couple of them, and they're very nice girls - buit they're all going out with each other, it's kinda weird! but a couple of them and I struck up a conversation, and they're very friendly!" Look - I'm making this up as I go along, but you know your wife better than I do (obviously!) and you'd be the best judge of whether this approach would work. I'm not suggesting you should ever lie to her - and not telling her is a bit like lying by omission. But somehow, you need to let her know you chat to ladies, and that they're no threat to her - but you enjoy a bit of female conversation, because you miss her so much...... I dunno......
boldjack Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Geisha, That's a very good approach. Btw, not all girls who say that they are lesbian, really are. There are a lot of closet bisexuals out there so behave.
KikiW Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 I have to say, my first thought was "Wow what a great guy, wanting to find companionship and discovering a great place but still being worried about his wife's feelings!" If I were her, I would LOVE to know that you've found a great place to hang out and make some new friends AND knowing that the women are all gay means I won't feel threatened that one will steal you away. But then again that is just me, I am not sure how your wife is about these things. Basically I think you should tell her you've been trying to make new friends and have been having trouble because the places you've gone have only had women looking for something you're not offering, or guys who are into entertainment you're not interested in, but you did find this place where you're accepted and the people are nice. Hopefully she won't give you a hard time about it, I think it's great that you've found some nice companions
Geishawhelk Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Basically I think you should tell her you've been trying to make new friends and have been having trouble because the places you've gone have only had women looking for something you're not offering, or guys who are into entertainment you're not interested in, but you did find this place where you're accepted and the people are nice. Hopefully she won't give you a hard time about it, I think it's great that you've found some nice companions This is also an excellent approach, and I think very pertinent. 'Women looking for something you're not offering' is a great way of putting it.
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