Dlyrica Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I just need someone to tell me I'm doing the right thing so I don't fall for crap anymore. Long story short, my ex and I broke up 2 months ago. I broke up with him and we had been together for 3 years. I still love him and I still miss him yet I know (or atleast keep trying to convince myself) that he was no good for me. He is a very controlling and emotionally abusive person by nature (not all the time but when it happens it hurts ALOT.) By the time I broke things off I was pretty convinced he wasn't in love with me (since I could call him twice in one day and he would go off on me about how I wont leave him alone.) Anyways, ever since we broke up he has been texting me and telling me he misses me, can't I give him another chance, etc but hasn't REALLY put in any effort to win me back. While we have been broken up I have been talking to another ex of mine who is about the polar opposite of my most recent ex. Both of them know about each other and know what's up because I believe when you deceive people it just comes back and bites you in the butt. About 2-3 weeks ago I tried to give my most recent ex another shot. Mostly I was going through a really weak stage and I missed him and so on. We hung out and everything was okay but then he tells me that he can't get over the fact that I slept with my other ex while we were broken up. I told him fine and that he has a right to feel however he wants but will he leave me alone b/c he this is not helping either of us heal. He left me alone awhile. 2 weekends ago he completely cussed me out and told me I was a sl*t and all these other degrading things. Then, out of the blue, on my birthday february 1st (incidentally also our would be anniversary) he asks me what I'm doing and invites me to his superbowl party. I didnt go but I was tempted. Monday he sees the pictures of my birthday and also sees that the ex I've been hanging out with is in them. Well, he goes completely off on me and makes me feel like a horrible person. He couldn't understand why I would hang out with that guy and not him and called me a bunch of rotten things Anyways I need reassurance that I'm doing the right thing by not going back to him. Most days I know I am but then others I'm not so sure. I also need ways to shake the things he says to me off and I know ya'll will tell me not to respond to him but its so hard when someone is saying so much mean stuff to you. Like I feel like I have to defend myself to him even though HE told me he would never forgive me for sleeping with my other ex then he gets mad when I try to move on! I dont understand! Help
Geishawhelk Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 You need reassurance......? Really? Oh, OK. You are absolutely, completely, totally, entirely doing exactly the right thing by not going back to him. There. I hope that helped. Even though it was bloody obvious, really.......
Geishawhelk Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Don't try to tell him anything. Don't try to put him in his place. Don't try to get back at him. Water off a duck's back. It will have no effect, make him madder and besides, no stupid idiot likes being shown up, because they believe they are a justified and entirely right stupid idiot. Only, you know he is an unjustified and completely wrong stupid idiot. It will just be our little secret, ok?
techfan Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Don't even think twice about going back to this cat. If you look one quarter as attractive in real life as you do in that photo and are as intelligent as some of your other posts imply, you deserve SOOO MUCH BETTER. Dude sounds like a total Dbag. Stay strong
openbook08 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 ABSOFRICKINLUTELY doin' the right thing i wish id had half your guts & given my ex the road a long time ago youre , ironically, gonna save yourself a lot of heartache in the long run good for you dickhead. his loss.
Author Dlyrica Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 Okay thanks ya'll. I know it seems ridiculous that I would even think about getting back with him and doubt my decision for leaving him in the first place. It's just hard when you were with someone for that long. I'm aware that people have been through far worse break ups...it's just hard for me because I always doubt myself so strongly. Anyways, thanks again for the insight.
nature Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 The fact that this guy would go off on you because you would call him twice in one day is reason enough to ignore his sorry *ss. What an arrogant, self-righteous prick. He got used to you giving him constant attention, and his ego got too big for his britches. So now that you've taken the constant attention away from him, he's not liking it. He loved the ego boost your phone calls gave him. Even tho he'd get mad at you for them, he still liked the attention and powerful feeling it gave him. What an *ss. I'd say, ignore every single msg he sends you. All of them. Just ignore them, no matter how hurt and angry they make you. His msg's are just his ego talking. Even tho he acted like your loving him was a pain in the a**, he loved the ego boost it gave him to feel like you were swaning over him. F him. I'd give him no attention. Just ignore his self-righteous a**. He thought you caring about him and calling him was a sacrifice to his life? Well now he can feel what it's like to have you not caring about him and calling him. Jerk!!
Author Dlyrica Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 Thanks for your response nature. He is definitely a jerk. Does anyone have any insight on WHY he feels the need to be so hot and cold with me? I have been nothing but nice to him this whole time and GAVE him another chance. He told me he would never forgive me for hooking up with my other ex yet HE WON'T LET ME GO. I just dont get it.
Geishawhelk Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Thanks for your response nature. He is definitely a jerk. Does anyone have any insight on WHY he feels the need to be so hot and cold with me? Because he knows he can!! I have been nothing but nice to him this whole time and GAVE him another chance. He told me he would never forgive me for hooking up with my other ex yet HE WON'T LET ME GO. I just dont get it. He won't let go. But then again, neither will you. once you absolutely completely stop responding to - or even acknowledging - him, he'll eventually give up. Stop being miss 'Sugar 'n' Spice'. Start Bitching up and kick him to the kerb..... Right now, he yanks your chain, because you've willingly given him the end to hold. take it back. Don't let him affect you. Cut him off completely, and make like he no longer exists. Then, he'll let go.
nature Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Does anyone have any insight on WHY he feels the need to be so hot and cold with me? I agree with Geisha...he's doing this because you let him do it!! He's still power tripping on you, because you still allow him to. Go No Contact. Ignore his calls, emails, everything. It's only when you take your power back, that he will no longer be able to play his power games on you. I have been nothing but nice to him this whole time and GAVE him another chance. Exactly your problem. He treats you like sh*t, and you still be nice to him. You still give him another chance. Therefore, it just reaffirms to him that no matter how sh*tty he treats you, you'll still be nice to him. He thinks of you as a doormat. That is why he walks all over you. Stop being nice to him. Be a b*tch. Show him through your actions of NC that you won't put up with his crap any longer. He told me he would never forgive me for hooking up with my other ex yet HE WON'T LET ME GO. I just dont get it. He won't forgive you? So what. You were broken up. It's none of his damn business. And so he doesn't forgive you. Have the attitude of "who cares, that's your problem". You have to let him go. You have to cut contact. You are playing into his manipulations, which is why he is still treating you this way.
dharris27 Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 You and me sister are in similar boats. And i'm always nice and he's always hot and cold and he is a d-bag that everyone else loves. It's not your fault. These people are manipualitive. Mine has been so much it's a year and a half later and i still wonder if i did the right thing. Reading this confirms it. You did, I did, let's be smart and high five.
Author Dlyrica Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 You and me sister are in similar boats. And i'm always nice and he's always hot and cold and he is a d-bag that everyone else loves. It's not your fault. These people are manipualitive. Mine has been so much it's a year and a half later and i still wonder if i did the right thing. Reading this confirms it. You did, I did, let's be smart and high five. Oh no really? A year and a half later? Jeeze, I hope I can make it that long. When you say everyone else loves your ex what do you mean? That they don't know how much of a jerk he is? Because thats how it is with my ex. Everyone KNOWS he is an a-hole but they love it and think its all in good fun. Most just think he's joking and don't know how seriously mean he can be in private. They all love him and think he's funny and great...Argh.
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