ocean size Posted September 28, 2003 Posted September 28, 2003 hi all I've had a quick browse of the forums and you all seem like a nice bunch so here goes I've been with my boyfriend for just over two months and its all been great, I'm really happy with him etc etc We spent nearly the entire last week together (as in, every day and night) because it was our respective birthdays. For some reason this friend of his who I met at his party and hadnt met before keeps popping into my head, and I'm absolutely terrified that this is a sign that I'm going to develop feelings for this person. (That sounds silly, I know, but usually when I meet someone I end up liking they just occupy my thoughts at first for no apparent reason) And that is something I absolutely do not want to happen because I'm extremely happy with my current boy and I dont want that to happen again-the last two relationships I've been in have ended, once on my part and once on my partners, because of feelings developing for someone else (And both times the 'leaver' realised it was a big mistake) I think I'm kinda worrying over nothing much, mainly because I really dont want it to happen, and that it will pass, but I just felt like asking anyway. (if you have an opinion differing please say, heh) What I do think it is related to is the fact that this is the first "normal" relationship I've had-the last two serious ones were both a bit odd, (basically both LDRs)-and this is the first time I've really developed the "complacency" thing. We seem to do the same things all the time, etc ec. So I was wondering what are some good tips to overcome complacency? We see each other a lot-probably 5 days out of 7 on average including one or two "sleepovers" so is it worth cutting down on that? I always enjoy seeing him though and always want to-that's not the issue. I suppose the honeymoon period is over and its settling down a bit, which I know is natural. I guess I'm just after some advice on keeping things interesting. thanks
moimeme Posted September 28, 2003 Posted September 28, 2003 I'm astonished anyone could get bored after just two months! You can't possibly know everything about each other; talking about that in itself could take up quite a bit of time. I think the better effort would be to switch thoughts of another person back to your existing person. If you start thinking of the new guy, compare how your boyfriend is better. I don't know what else to tell you. Life isn't supposed to be a constant whirl of excitement; when you love someone just being with them can be enough. Perhaps you need to develop your ability to enjoy the moment.
gocubsgo Posted September 28, 2003 Posted September 28, 2003 first of all, you didn't state that you love this guy, do you? it's ok to be attracted to other people, even if they are his friends. that's human nature. but if those feelings go further than that you need to seriously evaluate whether or not you want to be with this guy. i think you probably spend too much time together. maybe you should cut back a little. think about it, if you only see each other a few times a week, won't you have so much more to talk about? when you are together, do you just hang out and watch tv? or do you actually go places? maybe you're just bored! don't confuse complacency with incompatibility! if you've already entered into the complacent stage, there might not be much hope. i agree with the last poster, you haven't been together long enough to even know enough about each other. of course you never want your bf to know EVERYTHING about you. that's what keeps it interesting! but if that's how you feel, maybe you are just bored with him. keep this going and imagine where you'll be in a year, or 5 years! YAWN! staring at the tv, not saying a word to each other. who wants to live like that! best of luck to you!
ocean size Posted September 28, 2003 Posted September 28, 2003 oops, i guess i forgot the most important thing to state: I do love this guy and want to be with him. we do a mix of hanging out and going places, but we're both uni students so we're often restricted to where we can go-ie short trips away are usually a bit too much to fit into a normal week of classes and homework (boo) its been winter here the last 2 months too which is also quite restrictive of outdoor activities. Plus, being students we dont have a lot of money (I need to find that "cheap date" site again, heh) its not exactly "bored," more like i'm scared of becoming "bored" if that makes sense. Its been that comfortable feeling the last couple of weeks and I've never really felt that before so I guess I'm a little thrown out by it, especially seeing as my last two serious relationships were quite different. I think I do need to learn how to enjoy the moment and stop expecting there to be parties and fireworks all the time i think the fact i'm so appalled by the idea of ever doing anything with anyone else is a good sign at the moment though.
gocubsgo Posted September 29, 2003 Posted September 29, 2003 ok, now i understand. you are just becoming more comfortable with this guy. that's a GOOD thing. maybe you never really felt that strong of a commitment with the others. (because of the distance and "odd" things) it seems like you are just experiencing a NORMAL relationship for once. when the "parties and fireworks" fade (and they always do!) you have to have something to fall back on. and if you have a good, solid connection, it won't be that hard to think of fun things to do together. honestly, if you have things in common and enjoy each other's company, you could watch c-span (if you're not from the u.s.: c-span is a really boring channel!!! ) and have a good time! i think maybe you are just finally happy with someone and you don't know how to deal with it. good for you. enjoy the moment (every moment) don't read too much into this. believe me, over-analyzing anything, is never good. best of luck!
ocean size Posted September 29, 2003 Posted September 29, 2003 overanalysing is something i specialise in, heh. i'm still wondering why on earth that other person even entered my head and trying to work it out. Like I said my last two relationships both ended because of feelings for someone else and I think that's playing in my mind a lot. i guess i should just forget about it and concentrate on better things i'm just feeling, well, guilty about the mere fact someone else was in my head. i feel almost like i've done something wrong purely because of that fact.
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