Pity party!!

[Jenny123]

;)Hi all,

Having a pity party for myself.

I'm 29, grounded, look after myself and can turn heads.

So why oh why is my love life so tragic?????

 

I have fallen in love three times. Been badly burned. On reflection my choices could be better, I went for handsome bad boy types.

 

Anyone that adored me, No challenge. I always seeked excitement. Even though im old fashioned myself.

 

Anyhowz I have now grown up and realised what a pratt I have been and let a couple of good guys go. I have moved back to home town where most people my age have marriage, kids etc.

 

Have realised the fairy tale relationship is few and far between and now would be happy to be with someone that would be good to me, but some attraction too and a love that would grow.

 

Its the only thing I have ever wanted in life, career etc unimportant. I am a romantic, will I ever find some-one?

I have always felt so alone in the world-outside looking in.

 

Is anyone else felt this? any advice would be great:)

[BCCA]

I know exactly how you feel.

 

Its like a catch 22. You have an idea of the person you want, but when you meet people, they just dont fit into the mold or theyre not interested in you. So you start to re-evaluate your 'standards' and realize that lowering them would be selling yourself short.

 

What youre describing is what everyone in the world wants. Someone who peaks your interest, treats you well, but also keeps your excitement level high. Then, you meet people who you find attractive, but boring, or that you find exciting, but have too much baggage, etc. Its frustrating.

 

If there is one piece of advice I can give, its not to expect someone else to complete your life. Even in todays 'modern' society, success seems to be hinged somewhat on whether or not you have someone else. No one is envious of someone, no matter how much they make or how attractive they are, that has nothing but problems in relationships or is hibitually alone. But the problem with counting on someone else to complete you is that youre going to be constantly dissapointed. Even if you met the love of your life, all relationships are terminal. Whether its because you get dumped or the other person gets hit by a bus, eventually, its going to be over.

 

Also, I dont think you would have even thought about the guys you let go if you found someone else. Its only in times of loneliness that we refelct back. Truth be told, you dumped them because they werent what you were looking for, and theyre probably the same guys that werent for you today as they were back then.

 

I've decided that Im not going to date or even look for at least a couple months. Its just getting to be too much for me lately, and I dont have the patience or energy level to keep trying. It might not be a bad idea to take a break.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I have fallen in love three times. Been badly burned. On reflection my choices could be better, I went for handsome bad boy types.

Anyone that adored me, No challenge. I always seeked excitement. Even though im old fashioned myself.

Anyhowz I have now grown up and realised what a pratt I have been and let a couple of good guys go. I have moved back to home town where most people my age have marriage, kids etc.

 

I don't know what to say.

 

You have to understand yourself to make that change. Otherwise your going to find a super good guy... and he will bore the crap out of you.

 

Take some time and really think about what creates chemistry for you. I've met many women that are just... for lack of a better term... broken. Chemistry is supposed to work in a way that favors you, but sometimes that gets inverted for some people. It's self destructive.

 

So, what exactly makes you attracted?

[movingonandon]

;)Hi all,

Having a pity party for myself.

I'm 29, grounded, look after myself and can turn heads.

So why oh why is my love life so tragic?????

 

I have fallen in love three times. Been badly burned. On reflection my choices could be better, I went for handsome bad boy types.

 

Anyone that adored me, No challenge. I always seeked excitement. Even though im old fashioned myself.

 

Anyhowz I have now grown up and realised what a pratt I have been and let a couple of good guys go. I have moved back to home town where most people my age have marriage, kids etc.

 

Have realised the fairy tale relationship is few and far between and now would be happy to be with someone that would be good to me, but some attraction too and a love that would grow.

 

Its the only thing I have ever wanted in life, career etc unimportant. I am a romantic, will I ever find some-one?

I have always felt so alone in the world-outside looking in.

 

Is anyone else felt this? any advice would be great:)

 

So, the quesiton is, why did it take you so long to start reflecting on this?

It's never too late, but as adults we should have priorities and stick to them. What's important to you? What are you willing to pay to get it? Answer these two questions, and you're set.

 

Life is so much simpler when you DON'T rely on somebody else to come along and fulfil all of your emotional needs (e.g. excitement, sense of self-worth, whatever). When you realise that you and you only is in charge of those things, how hard it is to find a healthy, good-hearted, laidback guy to build a life with???

 

Somebody here mentioned "broken" women. Well, it breaks my heart to look at them too, but, for the most part, they do it to themselves - never grow up, waste their 20's in superficial relationships, wait for the prince to rescue them, and then end up late 30's and bitter...

[Untouchable_Fire]

Somebody here mentioned "broken" women. Well, it breaks my heart to look at them too, but, for the most part, they do it to themselves - never grow up, waste their 20's in superficial relationships, wait for the prince to rescue them, and then end up late 30's and bitter...

 

That is pretty much 70% of the OW forum. It's sad to see.

[BCCA]

What's important to you? What are you willing to pay to get it? Answer these two questions, and you're set.

I think these two questions are really key to this discussion. It seems as though most people have any idea of what they want and what they think a partner should be, but then get a 'deer in the headlights' look when you ask them what they're willing to offer. Sadly, a lot of women spend their 20's in a state where they are solely offering their looks while looking for a lot more from their partners. As was mentioned, then they get into their 30's and the looks/age arent as appealing as they once were, and they become scornful because they realize that they have to actually give to recieve.

 

I would never recomend lessening your wants/needs to the point where youre just settling for someone because you could do worse. But what I do tell people is to be realistic. If you expect a guy to be sweet and send you cute messages, dont find a biker who doesnt have a home phone, and has done time in jail. If you want excitement, dont expect a working proffessional who keeps a pretty low key lifestyle to meet you and turn into Mr. Latenight Party Animal. Its irrational, and it pretty much ensures youre going to end up dissapointed. No one is perfect, you just want to find someone who has a good mix of what youre looking for, doesnt have any red flags, and then you have to realize that it requires more than having a cute smile to make it work. If you dont, youre going to find yourself losing a lot of quality guys.

 

PS - Just as a test, I asked 3 single mid-twenties girls I know what they want in a guy. They had TONS of things, from success to good looks to excitement.

 

Then I asked what they were willing to give to get those things from someone else. EVERY ONE of them said 'well, I think Im pretty cute." Its almost laughable.

[Surfer Dude]

 

I would never recomend lessening your wants/needs to the point where youre just settling for someone because you could do worse. But what I do tell people is to be realistic. If you expect a guy to be sweet and send you cute messages, dont find a biker who doesnt have a home phone, and has done time in jail. If you want excitement, dont expect a working proffessional who keeps a pretty low key lifestyle to meet you and turn into Mr. Latenight Party Animal. Its irrational, and it pretty much ensures youre going to end up dissapointed. No one is perfect, you just want to find someone who has a good mix of what youre looking for, doesnt have any red flags, and then you have to realize that it requires more than having a cute smile to make it work. If you dont, youre going to find yourself losing a lot of quality guys.

 

The key here is that women are looking for the best of both worlds. An alpha type (bad boy) who is stable, won't play the field and can provide. This is a contradiction in itself, because an alpha will never settle for one woman, he would stop being alpha if he did that. Many women claim they "got burned" or "got played". What really happened is that they saw extremely high value in those guys, but they couldn't keep them.

 

PS - Just as a test, I asked 3 single mid-twenties girls I know what they want in a guy. They had TONS of things, from success to good looks to excitement.

 

Then I asked what they were willing to give to get those things from someone else. EVERY ONE of them said 'well, I think Im pretty cute." Its almost laughable.

Women who objectify themselves will be treated as - objects.

 

On a side note, when women are in their twenties, they will always look for an exciting bad boy, but as they get older, they will progressively start settling for a provider beta male type. This enables most guys that never got laid in their twenties to finally get a woman. This benefits both parties. Women get a life with a good provider, opportunity to have kids and overall stability; guy gets unlimited sex (hopefully). But women will always find that kind of lifestyle boring, why do you think so many wives fck shirtless pool boys and gardeners while their husbands are at work earning money. Money is nice to have, but boring, that's why they screw around with bad boys.

[BCCA]

Surferdude, excellent points, as usual. I think everyone is looking for the best of both worlds, its just that some people are unrealistic, and looks really entitle you to nothing.

 

As for the bad boy thing, sadly, that just isnt me. I dont want to be a bad boy, I enjoy living a stable life and having a decent job. I dont sit at home and play board games or spend all my free time reading, youll see me out at the bars and having fun with my friends as much as anyone else. Its just that partying and meeting as many women as possible doesnt define me. I dont think Im a dull person, but I dont break the law or ride a motorcycle either.

 

If Im missing your point about bad boys, I apologize. Im not a sappy pushover who cries a lot or watches chick flicks, but Im not an alcoholic womanizer, either. I guess finding the happy medium is key, and thats what Im working towards.

[Untouchable_Fire]

If Im missing your point about bad boys, I apologize. Im not a sappy pushover who cries a lot or watches chick flicks, but Im not an alcoholic womanizer, either. I guess finding the happy medium is key, and thats what Im working towards.

 

It's not the bad behavior itself that attracts women. It is the confidence, independence, and the flaws.

 

I say flaws because often there is a silent need to be able to fix. A flawed man will appreciate a woman who helps him with that flaw much more than a perfect man.

 

Anyway... its an oversimplification at best.

[Surfer Dude]

 

As for the bad boy thing, sadly, that just isnt me. I dont want to be a bad boy, I enjoy living a stable life and having a decent job. I dont sit at home and play board games or spend all my free time reading, youll see me out at the bars and having fun with my friends as much as anyone else. Its just that partying and meeting as many women as possible doesnt define me. I dont think Im a dull person, but I dont break the law or ride a motorcycle either.

 

If Im missing your point about bad boys, I apologize. Im not a sappy pushover who cries a lot or watches chick flicks, but Im not an alcoholic womanizer, either. I guess finding the happy medium is key, and thats what Im working towards.

 

Well, "bad boy" is womenspeak for alpha guy.

 

You don't need to break the law or ride a motorcycle to be one. Women are not attracted to being treated badly or to law breakers, they are attracted to underlying qualities and what kind of emotional response those guys can evoke in them. Also note that women are really bad at verbalizing what they want:

 

 

• I want a tall guy - I want a guy who can make me feel safe
  
• I want a criminal guy - I want a free spirited guy who doesn't care about societal norms... etc
  

You could work in a library and look like a nerd, do charity work every weekend, but if you can evoke amazing emotions in them, fire up their passions and imagination, plus have an immense social proof from other women - they will brand you a bad boy. It's just an euphemism for alphas, free spirited guys, guys who are successful with women, who don't care about social rules, who can make women feel immensely attracted etc....

 

Since bad boys usually exhibit those characteristics, all guys like that are called bad boys. Women don't want to be treated like sh*t, but they are attracted to what those guys have to offer and they are willing to put up with it, it's a good deal for them. If they could find a great, fun and respectful guy who has alpha traits and won't screw around - that'd be ideal, but like I said, those guys are few and far between.

 

To recap what women find attractive:

confidence, assertiveness, ability to lead, ability to fire up their emotions, excitement.....

 

What they don't find attractive:

supplication, being put on pedestal, being objectified, clinginess, neediness, boredom...

[SincereOnlineGuy]

;)Hi all,

Having a pity party for myself.

I'm 29, grounded, look after myself and can turn heads.

So why oh why is my love life so tragic?????

 

 

 

It probably relates to the past, somehow.

 

Looking forward, with the exterior things you have going for you, your mission shall be to AVOID altering yourself in any significant way (out of frustration) so as to lessen your mainstream appeal.

 

It would be far too easy to let yourself think that you need to *change* something about yourself in order to woo the sort of relationship you want. In truth you're most likely a case of someone who IS standing right where she needs to be while the *winds of fate* keep blowing random social contacts and possibilities your way.

 

Not every present-hottie is already on the hook for life, as if they were, you would seldom be as intrigued as you are when reading of new romances blossoming every week or month.

 

********************************

* *

* Prepare yourself for American baseball *

* analogy ahead: *

* *

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IF you are a shortstop, or a centerfielder... then staaaaaaaaaaaay in your position and WAIT for the ball to be hit near to you. Running now toward somebody else's position will only serve to have you out of position when the fatefull ball heads toward where you were expected to be.

[Jenny123]

Hi guys,

Your words rang clear as a bell for me.

I need to change and feel I have, my EX was a quiet-non-bad boy and I adored him, he left me. I still feel it was definetly an improvement on my part. I've never been disrespected by my EX's more non-committal issues.

 

I seem to have a child-like view on love, wear heart on sleeve, give everything.

 

I'm starting to understand I can share my life loves and interests with a future love, family and friends. Not all heaped onto one person!!! I'm too emotionally needy-truth be told!

 

I have been a muppet with some really nice guys that I turned down. I don't go on dates and have only dated potential men,I think could be the one.

Intense huh?!!!

 

Where did I get this from,most of my family are all on 2nd families!

Pscyhologists say it depends on the relationship a girl has with her father- I don't have a relationship so..

 

Advice is brilliant, also good to hear from a man's perspective.

Yeah looks are fading-ha ha!! I do think I have alot to offer though, never relied on my looks.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Hi guys,

Where did I get this from,most of my family are all on 2nd families!

Pscyhologists say it depends on the relationship a girl has with her father- I don't have a relationship so..

Advice is brilliant, also good to hear from a man's perspective.

Yeah looks are fading-ha ha!! I do think I have alot to offer though, never relied on my looks.

 

Hmmm... Look for a guy with that night in shining amour complex. He is more likely to appreciate and enjoy your neediness.

 

Don't sweat the guys you turned down. They have moved on... you need to as well.

 

Also, as a giver... make sure you are also receiving proportionately in a relationship. If not back off on the giving and see how he responds. Ultimately you want a situation where the more you give, the more he gives. The seesaw thing never works.

[hotgelato]

I totally am in the same boat as you

But, although I am a romantic at heart, my independence and pride won't let me show it.

I tend to go for alpha males since I consider myself as alpha female. But most of these alpha boys have too much ego. I obsess and make excuses for them but never worked out in the end.

Good guys are just too boring, but my brain tells me I should go for them instead.

My body says otherwise lol

[Jenny123]

Glad I'm not the only one, that feels this, lol!

I tend to date the guy's, that who may be gorgeous, fancy themselves more than anyone. Happy medium would be great!

Looks fade and someone that will be there, thick and thin, has his weight in gold.

Just hope I don't end up the woman with forty cats!!!!

 

Moving to Saudi for my job so that will greatly decrease chances of meeting someone!

Hopefully what will be, will be!

I think its really hard to meet some-one. Good luck;)

[lino]

Looks fade and someone that will be there, thick and thin, has his weight in gold.

 

Are you talking about good looking guys or bad guys? There are heaps of ugly guys who get lot's of girls simply because they're bad guys...nothing to do with their looks.

 

There are also lots of very good looking nice guys who are constantly single.

[Jenny123]

I'm talking about finding a happy medium, some-one in the middle- not just looks, character, personality.

I've dated less attractive and attractive.

I'm not going to settle but also widen my net instead of the high standard list I once had, as it's not realistic.

Hope this helps:)

[Untouchable_Fire]

Glad I'm not the only one, that feels this, lol!

I tend to date the guy's, that who may be gorgeous, fancy themselves more than anyone. Happy medium would be great!

Looks fade and someone that will be there, thick and thin, has his weight in gold.

Just hope I don't end up the woman with forty cats!!!!

Moving to Saudi for my job so that will greatly decrease chances of meeting someone!

Hopefully what will be, will be!

I think its really hard to meet some-one. Good luck;)

 

I wouldn't even look in Saudi. Unless you want to be the 3rd wife of a guy who wont allow you to leave the house.

 

Maybe just start with 1 cat for now.

 

I'm talking about finding a happy medium, some-one in the middle- not just looks, character, personality.

I've dated less attractive and attractive.

I'm not going to settle but also widen my net instead of the high standard list I once had, as it's not realistic.

Hope this helps:)

 

Wait... you need to define your terms. I highly recommend that you don't lower your standards. Unless your standards are just plain stupid.

 

My suggestion is to sit down and really think about what you find attractive and why.

[blondesmiler]

;)Hi all,

Having a pity party for myself.

I'm 29, grounded, look after myself and can turn heads.

So why oh why is my love life so tragic?????

 

I have fallen in love three times. Been badly burned. On reflection my choices could be better, I went for handsome bad boy types.

 

 

Its the only thing I have ever wanted in life, career etc unimportant. I am a romantic, will I ever find some-one?

I have always felt so alone in the world-outside looking in.

 

Is anyone else felt this? any advice would be great:)

 

Can I join your party, I am the same. I look good, look after myself, am friendly, smiley, happy, independent and yet I can't get a dating partner.

 

Its frustrating as hell, am getting totally cheesed off with it. I have needs, I'd like to have sex regually, have bodily contact with someone regually, laugh with someone etc but seems it might not be, its just something that I might not ever get.

 

Flaming sad really. And a waste.

[Jenny123]

In response to untouchable, I'm taking this job as an airhostess, I go home for a week every month and will be in different countries. Thankfully not always in Saudi;)I'm only doing it to save money for a house and have no intention to be with an Arab-Western guy for me-been there, done that!

 

I have been home for a while and love life isn't great so nothing to lose for now....

[Jenny123]

Its frustrating as hell, am getting totally cheesed off with it. I have needs, I'd like to have sex regually, have bodily contact with someone regually, laugh with someone etc

 

Tell me about it, I love sex, but can't do it casually:(.I think intimacy is what I miss the most.

We'll be grand, just a glitch though!

[lino]

I'm talking about finding a happy medium, some-one in the middle- not just looks, character, personality.

I've dated less attractive and attractive.

I'm not going to settle but also widen my net instead of the high standard list I once had, as it's not realistic.

Hope this helps:)

 

Ok that sounds fair

I don't think you should settle either.

[Untouchable_Fire]

In response to untouchable, I'm taking this job as an airhostess, I go home for a week every month and will be in different countries. Thankfully not always in Saudi;)I'm only doing it to save money for a house and have no intention to be with an Arab-Western guy for me-been there, done that!

I have been home for a while and love life isn't great so nothing to lose for now....

 

That is the same as a stewardess right?

 

Here is what I suggest. Use this website to its absolute fullest. The next time you have a chance to date a guy... put a full report of him, how you feel about him, and why in a thread.

 

The smart helpful people can provide a clear sounding board for you.

[Jenny123]

Yeah, stewardess position. Planning on doing it for a couple of years, save some money and travel:)

Thanks untouchable fire, I'm sure i'll be putting more threads on!!!

Its good to get someone else's perspective.

I am concentrating on fulfilling my life in other ways and if it comes along again, brilliant. I will try & not obcess on it. Thanks.

[RobotoB]

Hello. There's this lady I wanted to b friends with who I met through facebook.com. She just told me she wants 0 friends. She's recovering from a bad relationship. Ill just give her nd myself time nd keep being the person i am. Im a friendly perso.

 

 

 

I