Nikki Sahagin Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I've been doing a lot of reading up lately on the Ego. I used to think I was a very humble, almost hard done by person. As such I felt I was a very unegotistical person. I had a moment of candid conversation with a therapist when we were discussing ego and she said she felt much more liberated when she finally realised she was not that important or special - that her ego could not control her. I said quite simple "I don't have an ego - I think i'm a very humble person". She said nothing at the time and I wondered what this meant. Then I realised, slowly but surely, of course I DO have an ego. And sometimes I think and believe it is the ego which is the centre of all our worries. I was reading an interesting article in which almost everything we do can be applied to the ego. The ego is basically the mediator between the id and superego and above all it desires attention. Whether positive, negative, in the form of congratulations, compliments or conflict - it desires to be fed. It's why women wear make-up, it's why men in music videos surround themselves with fast cars, it's why a load of people use facebook - it's the motivation for a lot of trivial and big behaviours. As i've read into this i've realised I have an ego which vollies between feeling superior (morally, intellectually, spiritually) and inferior (whether I doubt i'm as pretty as someone else or i'm not as loud or outgoing etc). I've realised not only that I have an ego but that I have a subtle monster of an ego. I DO need that praise, that validation. I can't be sure whether I am feeling this at the moment because I am going through a hard time at the moment or whether it is truly just something I need. I look into the motivations of seemingly innocent things I want to do i.e. help out at an animal refuge and I realise, actually, I want someone to say well done, I want some recognition for it. As such, though it would be a good deed, it's not motivated by altruism, but by the ego. I opened this up as a discussion about ego for anyone that wishes to participate seeing as I find it a fascinating subject. What do you think ego is? How do you think your ego is personally influenced in day to day life? What do you think your ego needs? Are you able to ignore it? Do you struggle with the egos of others? i.e. in relationships, family, friendship groups. How can you conquer/satisfy the ego without giving into negative influences? Thanks to anyone interested enough to read/respond!
Geishawhelk Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 What do you think ego is? It can be both a blessing and a curse. How do you think your ego is personally influenced in day to day life? it's influenced as far as I let it be, but I have to be thinking about it. What do you think your ego needs? Validation, and a confirmation that I am understood, appreciated and loved. Buit I try not to pay too much attention to it. In the end, it's all just Life, and how you roll with it. Are you able to ignore it? yes. But it's not easy, it takes training. Really. I'm not being funny. Do you struggle with the egos of others? i.e. in relationships, family, friendship groups. No, because I understand what having an ego entails. Until people acknowlege their ego, then they're in the dark. I can't blame them for that. How can you conquer/satisfy the ego without giving into negative influences? By "Meeting with Triumph and Disaster And treating those 2 impostors just the same." Thanks to anyone interested enough to read/respond! Thanks for asking.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 Geisha, your triumph and disaster quote - how do you feel it is possible to treat both in the same manner? I am attempting to learn to reign in my ego but it is difficult as I have just embarked on this process and have an ego that is quite intense and insistent. Look at me talk about it as though it is a seperate entity! But I think the voice in my head shall we say is whiny, clingy and very afraid - and having to combat that is difficult!
Geishawhelk Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 You run the 500meters in 3.79 seconds. Gold medals, tick-a-tape, parades, tv interviews, articles and glorious fame. You feel really very special. (Triumph) Does it last? Naaah. Only until the next headline puts you onto page four, beneath the fold. (disaster). Your car (which you weren't in at the time) is hit by a truck, and the antiques cabinet you were bringing home in the trunk is firewood. You're pretty cut up. (Disaster) Does it last? Naaah. The insurance pays for a new car, and covers the cabinet too....(Triumph). The secret is to understand that nothing that happens - nothing at all, physical or mental - is permanent. It all passes. The good, the bad, the indifferent, it's all part of stuff that is here today and gone tomorrow. If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two Impostors just the same....." (Kipling) "There is nothing neither bad nor good But that Thinking makes it so." (Shakespeare) Two dudes had it going on.....!
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 Maybe that is my problem. I am a hoarder. Not just of physical things, but of emotions, thoughts and experiences. I am not laid back and not good at letting things pass. I crave some sort of permanance and security - which is almost impossible in this world.
Geishawhelk Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I crave some sort of permanance and security - which is almost impossible in this world. Almost. But not quite. I read the following quotation in a book: "Samsara: The human condition's heartbreaking inability to sustain contentment." We suffer, because we either want the good stuff to be permanent, and it isn't, or we wish the bad stuff would never happen, and it does. Hence we are never ever, truly or completely content with our lot. It's not got anything to do with what happens to us. Nope, it hasn't. It's got everything to do with how we look at it, view it or perceive it. If we can actually look at it objectively, and see that in fact, it's not the big deal we think it is, because everything has a beginning, a middle and an end - and we learn to accept this and embrace it - suddenly, everything gets a whole lot easier to deal with.... Your best permanently secure thing is - To let go.
Taramere Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 sometimes I think and believe it is the ego which is the centre of all our worries. I was reading an interesting article in which almost everything we do can be applied to the ego. The ego is basically the mediator between the id and superego... To understand what that means (ie the mediator bit) you have to be clear about what theorists mean when they talk about the id and the superego. As I understand it, the id is a mass of basic drives and desires. Sex drive, aggression, hunger, etc. The superego is more like an internalisation of various authority figures who instil a sense of conscience into us. Encourage us to be concerned with what the wider society thinks of us, as a way of guiding our behaviour. and above all it desires attention. The ego's rational. Consider its role as mediator. It's acknowledging different human and societal needs and desires, prioritising them and attempting to find ways of getting the most pressing ones met in a way that is acceptable to both the id and the superego. Whether positive, negative, in the form of congratulations, compliments or conflict - it desires to be fed. It's why women wear make-up, it's why men in music videos surround themselves with fast cars, it's why a load of people use facebook - it's the motivation for a lot of trivial and big behaviours. A lot of that attention seeking behaviour has a lot to do with wanting to be sexually desirable. Which seems more related to the id. I've realised not only that I have an ego but that I have a subtle monster of an ego. I DO need that praise, that validation. Surely it's normal to need praise and validation? You're a social animal, so of course you want to get along with other people. Part of which means getting their approval. I look into the motivations of seemingly innocent things I want to do i.e. help out at an animal refuge and I realise, actually, I want someone to say well done, I want some recognition for it. As such, though it would be a good deed, it's not motivated by altruism, but by the ego. Would there be other needs of yours that are met by helping out at the animal refuge? Animals can be very affectionate, therapeutic and comforting to be around. The desire to nurture is an instinctive thing that requires outlets. Caring for children, animals, the sick - or for some people, growing plants - these are all ways of giving the nurturing instinct an outlet. If you are a nurturer, other people reap benefits from this...and so it's polite for them to acknowledge this and express some gratitude. That doesn't detract from the fact that you're engaging in an activity that meets many of your own needs, but it acknowledges that others also benefit. What do you think ego is? The rational adult in us. The mediator between id and ego - as you mentioned before. In attempting to resolve conflicts between both, sometimes it uses measures that are effective in the short term - but can cause long term problems if you rely on them too much (ie ego defence mechanisms such as denial, projection, repression). Something that seeks to determine what courses of action will help us to be fulfilled, without resulting in us being punished by authority. So we might think "I'll do X because it makes me happy. Other people might judge me for it, but I'm not actually hurting anyone else, so it's okay for me to do it. Society (superego) can't stop me from doing it or punish me in any manner that would matter to me....so I'll go ahead and do X regardless of what others think." When people use words like "egotistical" and "arrogant" as forms of criticism, perhaps what they mean is "this person doesn't care what others think of them. They don't care what I think of them. That makes me feel powerless, unimportant and angry." So it's not so much that being egotistical is a bad thing...more that it can offend others, which (for a social being like a human) can lead to problems. Also, in reality if we care about other people we do tend to care what they think of us. How do you think your ego is personally influenced in day to day life? By conflicts - internal and external - and the ways in which I try to manage them. I'm very much a believer in a strong, healthy ego being a very good thing rather than something that I should try to rid myself of. What do you think your ego needs? To balance doing what makes me happy with avoiding causing harm to other people. Are you able to ignore it? I don't want to ignore it. Do you struggle with the egos of others? i.e. in relationships, family, friendship groups. Generally I get along with people who share my view that your ego is something you should strengthen and be happy about rather than feel ashamed of. Other people's egos can make them irritating at times, but I still prefer people who have strong egos to those who seek to shatter their own (and other people's) egos. How can you conquer/satisfy the ego without giving into negative influences? I see it as my ego's job to manage/satisfy the demands of the id and the superego, and avoid letting either of those things pressure me into making destructive decisions that are too inconsiderate of other people - or too concerned with meeting other people's requirements at the expense of my own happiness.
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