Agyeman Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Hey guys, I'm new around here!....I'll cut to the chase. (kinda - its pretty long) I met a girl on holiday last summer, we shared a few kisses, as you do when you're on these kind of hot greek holiday resorts. On the last day - as we were leaving, she asked if we could stay in touch when we arrived back from holiday (we both live in London), I said 'Yeah of course'. A few days after we both arrive back home, she contacts me on facebook, ask's how Im doing & drops me her number, I call her a few times, and we arrange to go out casually - not really a 'date', but she comes to my friends club with two of her friends, and I go with some of mine. This kind of meeting happened twice in the space of 4 weeks, so not serious really - just some dancing & good chat. Over the next few months we stay in contact through facebook from time to time, but don't really arrange another date. She may think I've gone cold on her ?? Anyway, last month I arrange to meet her for a drink in a quiet bar I know. We talk constantly for two hours about our holiday in the Summer, the laughs we had etc....REALLY good night & she seems very 'touchy feely'. Would she class this as a date ? I'm not sure if I did......anyway....on this date she genuinely forgets her wallet in her car, so I pay for her drinks all night - which was no problem. After the 'date' I jokingly say to her "dont worry, you can buy me a dinner sometime", when I said this she was really insistent that she would meet with me again & buy me a dinner!! OK, so a week later we meet for the dinner, she pays for the dinner, and a cocktail in a bar afterwards! (probably shouldnt have let her, but hey, she seems VERY independent). Again, this didnt seem like a 'date' to me........am I being stupid ??Anyway, she has now gone away for 2 weeks with her friend......I'm kinda missing her...which feels strange, because Im not really 'with' this girl . I guess what I'm stuck on is, how long after she comes back should I call her to chat and arrange to go on a proper date ? I'd like to arrange a good date, nothing tired & goofy. I really dont wanna mess this one up!!
AlektraClementine Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 You know, I've always had a problem understanding the timing rules where dating is concerned. In my experience, a guy calling too soon and too often made him seem eager but I think it's because the guy in question was in fact, eager. My current BF has called me almost every day since our first date. You know what I think. I think it's all about confidence. If you get rid of any insecurities about calling her...you could do this almost immediately when she gets back. You have a purpose in calling her. To ask for a date. Figure out what you want to do and where you want take her first though.
Author Agyeman Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 Thanks for your reply Alektra, it's good to get a girls perspective. I agree, its all about confidence, but I do have confidence issues - but I guess if I have the confidence to call her for the drinks date, I can call her for a proper date. She seemed very happy when I called her before for the drinks date, however she is pretty busy at work & enjoys spending time with her girlfriends....so the timing is really important for me.....I dont wanna be calling her for a date when she is fresh off the plane!.....and I'm really struggling with date ideas, although I do know some of her likes and dislikes..
AlektraClementine Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Give her a day to settle from the trip before you call. How bout that. Now one thing I want you to consider here is this. Her time is no more valuable than your own. You have a life too. When you call her and ask for the date, let her know what your availabilities are and ask for hers and treat it more like a coordination of each rather than a "will you go out with me when you have some time?" If she likes you and is a nice girl, this will all go very smooth. What to do? Have a few suggestions in mind when you call her and ask her if she has any preferences. Springboard from there.
Author Agyeman Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 You make some good points Alektra, my time is as valuable as hers & I should always consider it that way. She's a very nice girl, probably the sweetest girl I've met to be honest - always seems happy when we talk/meet. The strange thing is, I know she likes me - but I'm just being an idiot about things most probably. She initiated most of the contact when we first started talking....but then cooled off.....now I've started making the contact. Is she waiting to see how much I pursue her ? The more I think about it, the more questions I have!!
AlektraClementine Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 You make some good points Alektra, my time is as valuable as hers & I should always consider it that way. She's a very nice girl, probably the sweetest girl I've met to be honest - always seems happy when we talk/meet. The strange thing is, I know she likes me - but I'm just being an idiot about things most probably. She initiated most of the contact when we first started talking....but then cooled off.....now I've started making the contact. Is she waiting to see how much I pursue her ? The more I think about it, the more questions I have!! She could be, yes. She could be trying to force a balance in the communication. Or with this trip, she could be just really busy. In either case, you should be reaching out just as much as she does. There's no harm in showing interest by asking for a date. The 3rd possibility which is that she has lost some interest is easy to uncover. You have to ask her out:laugh: Only way to know for sure. If she responds with some enthusiasm and participates in coordinating the date, you know she likes you. If she is wishy washy or you just get that gut feeling you're being blown off... just let it go. It happens to the best of us.
Author Agyeman Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 Going through the facebook messages she sent me, she definitely wants a balance in communication, no doubt about that. As you say, the only way I'll know 100% is if I ask her out on a date..... Thank you Alektra!!
Surfer Dude Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Reading this makes me cringe. You had like 5 opportunities with this girl and you took none. On the holiday, when you kissed - you should've gone for sex. But let's say you messed up. When you got back to London, you went on like 3 dates with this chick and you did nothing that would suggest you're interested in her. Do women enthusiastically go out with men they're not interested in? Hardly. This chick is all over you and if you don't make a move, she will start resenting you for stringing her along, it will be a kick to her self esteem and she will drop you for someone who can give her what she wants. She's giving you tons of chances, but it's not gonna go on forever. If you really don't know what to do with her, here it is: set up a meeting in a casual settingmake her feel comfortable and flirtescalate physical contact and kisspush into physical territory and lay her. You can do this by relocating to your place after the date, or inviting her for a movie at your place the day after I'm starting to think you're not even truly interested in this girl.
Author Agyeman Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 Reading this makes me cringe. You had like 5 opportunities with this girl and you took none. On the holiday, when you kissed - you should've gone for sex. But let's say you messed up. When you got back to London, you went on like 3 dates with this chick and you did nothing that would suggest you're interested in her. Do women enthusiastically go out with men they're not interested in? Hardly. This chick is all over you and if you don't make a move, she will start resenting you for stringing her along, it will be a kick to her self esteem and she will drop you for someone who can give her what she wants. She's giving you tons of chances, but it's not gonna go on forever. If you really don't know what to do with her, here it is: set up a meeting in a casual settingmake her feel comfortable and flirtescalate physical contact and kisspush into physical territory and lay her. You can do this by relocating to your place after the date, or inviting her for a movie at your place the day after I'm starting to think you're not even truly interested in this girl. Thanks for your answer. I could have gone for sex on the holiday, but she made it pretty clear she wasn't into the whole 'first night sex' thing. The rest of what you say is true though, I've dragged things on too long. I'm 100% interested in her, so will make her know that when she arrives back from holiday!
Author Agyeman Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 Well, here's the latest. She's back from her holiday - so I dropped her a text to tell her that I've got tickets to watch our favourite football/soccer team next weekend. She's REALLY, I MEAN REALLY EXCITED. So basically I want to know how I should approach this from now......I really dont wanna go through the whole 'wait for her/me to call' thing! Shall I just come out and tell her I wanna see her more often ?.....I'm pretty stuck here.
Justin Briggs Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Ok. I gotta say I totally agree with Surfer Dude - only I may have put it a little bit more delicately in words. The girl is totally into you, and she is probably excited you are finally making a move. I think one of your obstacles is that you are trying to "define" to much. Is this a date? should I tell her I want to see her? Stop this and just do something !!! Like Surfer Dude said, girls don't go out with people they don't want to spend time with. Accept the fact that you two are dating and act like it and she will too. You don't have to tell her "I really like you lets date". Just go out with her and at the end of the evening tell her you had a great time and you should meet again that's all. She is sending you a lot of signals and if you drag this on too long she will eventually give up so just be sure of yourself - THIS GIRL WANTS YOU. Call her up, she'll be thrilled to talk to you. Justin
Author Agyeman Posted February 27, 2009 Author Posted February 27, 2009 Thanks to Justin, Alektra & Surfer Dude for all your responses so far. I honestly can't say that I have great experience with women, sad I know. She's extremely excited about going to the football match, it's the first time she's been to a football match, so obviously I wanna make it a memorable day for her. I read somewhere that you should end a date when it's on a high!, in this case straight after the football match would maybe seem appropiate, but I can't understand this logic. Maybe getting something to eat after the match would be a nice ending ?....and then during that meal arrange another time to see eachother ?, rather than waiting by the phone for a call!
Author Agyeman Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 *UPDATE* We met up before the match, we greet eachother with a kiss on the lips, thankfully not on the cheeks. OK, so she REALLY enjoyed the soccer match, I mean REALLY enjoyed it. After the match we walked down to the train station, the queues for the trains are real big, so we decide to get a coffee nearby. We talk for about an hour over coffee about literally everything. (I should have arranged the next date during this time, I know). I walk her to her platform (in a bit of a rush because her train is waiting to leave), she gives me a kiss & a big hug and she says "Thank you so much - I had a great time". I've done a fair amount of reaching out to this girl & I KNOW I should have arranged the next date during coffee. What do I do now though ? Do I phone her to arrange the next date, or is the ball totally in her court now....so I should wait for her to contact me ?? I'm totally stuck.
Viking Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 PiIHB. Go for it, phone her and ask her out. If she really did enjoy the date, you've got one in your future. If she's being polite by saying she enjoyed the date but isn't interested, she'll let you know too. Something like, "I'm really flattered, but I'm just not interested." That my most recent one that I've received.:rolleyes::rolleyes:
Author Agyeman Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 I think I'll give her this week to call me, although she did facebook me before our last date apologising for not being in touch because she has recently lost her job. So she was pretty bummed about all that! I'll phone her on Sunday and invite her out for another date & go for the big, wet & meaty kiss!! It's weird cos I know she likes me, but I'm so inexperienced with women it's like I'm making mountains out of molehills!
Lucky_One Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Guys confuse the heck out of me sometimes. You like her. You have no reason to think she doesn't like you. You had a great date over the weekend. You want to call her. Today is Wednesday - at least 3 days since your date. AND YOU ARE GOING TO WAIT AND SEE IF SHE CALLS YOU FIRST?? And if not, you are going to call her on SUNDAY?? She's going to get frustrated with your inaction and "next" you. WHY would you NOT call her this week?
Author Agyeman Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 Guys confuse the heck out of me sometimes. You like her. You have no reason to think she doesn't like you. You had a great date over the weekend. You want to call her. Today is Wednesday - at least 3 days since your date. AND YOU ARE GOING TO WAIT AND SEE IF SHE CALLS YOU FIRST?? And if not, you are going to call her on SUNDAY?? She's going to get frustrated with your inaction and "next" you. WHY would you NOT call her this week? Because I have no money to take her out ? hahaha. (that is the truth though) I totally see your point though, I'm being an ass!
Isolde Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 It's amazing how long it can take a guy to make a move.
Author Agyeman Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 OK I get the idea, I'm taking too long!
Lucky_One Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Because I have no money to take her out ? hahaha. (that is the truth though) I totally see your point though, I'm being an ass! A phone call is expensive? And for cheap dates - You can't meet her for coffee and a walk in the park? You can't take her kite flying on Sunday and get a hotdog from the vender? You can't find a free concert series? You can't find a $5 kayaking rental place? Or even better - honesty. I'd love to see you this weekend, but I am really at the end of this month's discretionary spending. Could we hang out at my house and watch a movie and pop some popcorn?
Author Agyeman Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 A phone call is expensive? And for cheap dates - You can't meet her for coffee and a walk in the park? You can't take her kite flying on Sunday and get a hotdog from the vender? You can't find a free concert series? You can't find a $5 kayaking rental place? Or even better - honesty. I'd love to see you this weekend, but I am really at the end of this month's discretionary spending. Could we hang out at my house and watch a movie and pop some popcorn? Thanks for the date tips. I totally hear you, it's just my inexperience with women which is holding me back from progressing things.
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