HazelW Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I’ll cut a very lengthy story as short as possible I’ve had my job for about a year and over the past five months I have been getting increasingly closer to a male college. Me & him get on unexplainably well, he’s just one of those people that I had instant chemistry with, got a great sense of humour, similar upbringing, we even went to the same secondary school but never knew each other as we were in different years & as he puts it he ’was a geek’! He has/had been in a relationship with someone else from work on and off for the past four years.Last October they split up, him & I started seeing each other. Nothing serious, but my feelings for him began to be as slightly more that just some guy from work. Before I knew it they were back together, I wasn’t happy but I took it on the chin and attempted to move on. The Christmas party came and I decided not to drink as I knew it would end up in me blurting out to all of the other employee’s about mine & his little secret. So I offered to drive, he lives on route to work & the direction of the party so I said I’d drive him too. Whilst at the party his girlfriend didn’t smile, didn’t dance . . . Basically didn’t make any effort what so ever to suggest she was having a good time- this is so typical of her and just one of many examples I can think of to suggest what type of person she is. I know her quite well and despite my feelings for him I’d like to think that I’m not bias when making a decision about what type of person she is. She’s manipulative, childish and doesn’t have the ability to think of those around her. Her behaviour was noted my other members of staff at the party and just by chance I happened to be around when a new member of staff was having an alcohol fuelled discussion with the guy she said ‘she’s (his girlfriend) just not right for you, so many people can see it, you only get one chance at life, make the most of it, its obvious to everyone that your unhappy and you should be with someone that makes you truly happy… like her (that’s me)’ This was brought up on the way home, and well one thing led to another and we ended up in my car fooling around till 5 am. After that we saw each other a few times a week, feelings grew. We both admitted that we liked each other. I told him that actions speak louder than words & I’ll believe him when he isn’t with her anymore. Now they’re not together. I understand that he’s finding it hard to just stop his emotions after four years of being with her and it scares him how much he cares for me and doesn’t want us to go down the same path as they did. Arguments all the time, distrust etc … I’ve told him we can cool it off for a while if he wants, but we cant seem to stay away from each other, we aren’t sleeping together, just fooling around. The other day I found out he’s still sleeping with her, I was so upset not because of what he was doing just the fact that he didn’t tell me. I felt like such a fool. The funny thing is she’s the one that told me- she’s got no idea that me and him have been seeing each other. I confronted him about it, explained why I was upset, he apologised, then I was like ‘okay well, you know not to lie to me again, lets kiss and make up’ - this he didn’t understand. He questioned why I wanted to still be near him, I explained to him that I’m not like his ex, I don’t drag arguments on for weeks and ignore phone calls, I don’t want to run his life. I just want to be a part of it because I truly care about him. But he’s still in love with her. Do you think he’ll get over her in time? Do you think he has feelings for me, or am I just being played
smarterthanbefore Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Sweetie, you are being played. I think he enjoys being with you, especially since you are new and that alone make you more fun to him. But he is not ready to get rid of ex because she is like a familiar old shoe to him, plus why have one woman when I can have two. You telling him that you know he is sleeping with her and not to lie to me, now let's make up, told him you will except him fooling around on you. If you guys do start a real relationship, prepared to cheated on alot. Now you know why the ex was so unhappy and why she did not trust him. He is a cheat. People are quick to blame the GF or wife for the couple being unhappy. You never truly know what is going on in someone's relationship. Think about it, he was fooling around with you in the car till 5 a.m. while they were still together. Are you really shocked that he lied to you about sleeping with her? He is a cheating douche honey. Run, don't walk, as far away from him as possible. Also, I never get why people date co-workers, when all hell break loose, work becomes a strained place to be with an angry ex there, or with your emotions all over the place. Good luck.
2sure Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I wouldnt say he is playing with you because he hasnt made any committment to you. His GF doesnt know he is having sex with you and he didnt tell you he was having sex with her. When you found out, you told him it was OK, so ...how he is playing you? I'm sure he likes you since he still has sex with you. He just seems to like her more.
whichwayisup Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Her behaviour was noted my other members of staff at the party and just by chance I happened to be around when a new member of staff was having an alcohol fuelled discussion with the guy she said ‘she’s (his girlfriend) just not right for you, so many people can see it, you only get one chance at life, make the most of it, its obvious to everyone that your unhappy and you should be with someone that makes you truly happy… like her (that’s me)’ Are you kidding me? Someone actually said this to him at a work Christmas party? This was brought up on the way home, and well one thing led to another and we ended up in my car fooling around till 5am. Who brought it up first? You or him? Either way, this situation is a time bomb just waiting to go off. She IS going to find out about you two and boy, when that happens, the fallout is going to be huge. Be ready. He isn't playing you because you are going after him and fooling around with him by choice. You know he has a girlfriend and they are still having sex yet you act like he is your boyfriend and owes you the truth - HE is LYING to his girlfriend so why wouldn't he lie to you as well? You are the OW, not his girlfriend.. If I were you, I'd back and tell him to leave you alone until they break up. If you want a chance at an honest relationship with him the future, one based on respect and trust, leave him alone. IF you two DO end up together, you will watch him like a hawk wondering if he is flirting too much with other women at work, and also think he's fooling around with them as well. Anyway, you're asking for trouble by getting involved with him, it's only a matter of time before people put two and two together, then the gossip will start.
Lucky_One Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 He's got it made. A OW who doesn't care if he sleeps with the woman he loves. I don't know if you are being played at this point. You seem to know the critical facts - he doesn't love you, he loves this woman, he still has sex with her.
norajane Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Not really. You are playing yourself: - You seem to know the score - he's a liar and a cheater - and you are ok with that. - He's lied to you, and you accept that. - He goes back to his gf, and you are busy trying to show him how you are so much better than her by telling him you're a doormat. So, a lying, cheating guy + doormat = your potential for happiness. If you think that potential is greater than zero, then you are in denial.
bentnotbroken Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 I also think you are playing yourself. You laid out to him that you will accept low standards and are willing to except the least he has to offer. You played yourself like a fiddle.
carhill Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 I'd be more interested in who else at the office he's playing
sdc Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Nope it's not Love. If he had feelings for you, you would know it and feel it. If you have to ask the question then...no , he does not have feelings for you. Move on!
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