diskey23 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 my ex gf sent this to me on sunday, "I know you prob dont care but i've been really missing you lately. Makes me sad." this was during the 2nd half of the super bowl. i replied with, "Hey- i was just thinkin about u, ur mom was always a big bruce fan, right? she replied with, "right" in short we broke up 3 or so months ago after over a year of dating in which i moved 4 hours to where she lives. it kinda went in the crapper when i got there & decided to move back. i sorta broke up with her 1st & tried to fix things but she wasn't havin it so i think she was kinda the dumper in a way. i dont contact her too much, but shes been contacting me every couple of weeks lately. but i would be lying if i said i didnt miss her too. where to go from here?
Geishawhelk Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 If you don't see yourself really ever getting back with her, and you're convinced it really wouldn't work, the only - ONLY - way to go, is No Contact. Leave her alone, completely, and ignore all texts and messages from her. Get over it. and Let HER get over it. Doing this flim-flam back-n-forth small-talk yak-yak won't do it.
samspade Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Looks like she just wanted to see if she had you under her thumb, and she does.
not_a_happy_camper Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I dunno diskey.......................if you miss her, and she's texting you..............I hate the way everyone here says unless they're spelling it out, they really don't want to be with you. I think that yes if they're spelling it out, it really means it. But maybe she's testing the water. It's so hard to put yourself out there if you know you'll be rejected. I don't see any harm in meeting up. If you can do so with the knowledge it might set you back..............what I hate is the not knowing. And I know myself there are things I'm regretting about my own relationship that I wish I'd had a chance to address. I hate having regrets So if you feel you'll regret not meeting up......................up to you
Gere51 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I just started getting similar signals, although I still don't know what to make of it. I finally spoke to my ex after six months of NC. She texted me and I finally responded since I was over it and seeing other women. This happened almost two weeks ago, and it's almost like a pattern. I'll get texts, then calls, then nothing for a day or so, then it starts back. She even sent me a picture of her on my cell Monday, then called me late at night. I've gotten everything from "we were so perfect together, so compatible", to the other end of the spectrum where she says the breakup was the right thing for us. I almost laugh when I hear from her because it's so predictable. Bottom line is that people like this don't really know what they want and they seem to be "fishing" for information on how you feel, etc. If you want to keep talking to her fine, but I wouldn't put a hold on my other "options".
openbook08 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 TEXTS? schmexts i rue the day text message was invented oh the effort.... impressive anyone care to join me in a bitter pill??!!
Phateless Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I think the most important questions to ask when considering getting back with an ex are: 1 - What were the biggest reasons why you broke up? 2 - WHAT HAS CHANGED?! Think about it.
not_a_happy_camper Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 ok, have to agree with phateless.l But here's my tuppence on the whole thing....................... I'm absolutely repeating myself. I know texting and not face to face can seem like the easy way out. but there's not really an easy way in!!!! Wearing your heart on your sleeve when you're not sure of the response is very difficult. It depends on the individual case of course. If that person was especially horrible to you, leave well enough alone. But if not, and you still care.................you kind of have to understand where they come from too.................
Ria10 Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 TEXTS? schmexts i rue the day text message was invented oh the effort.... impressive anyone care to join me in a bitter pill??!! Texts are such a nuisance... interrupting me just to say "hey, let's avoid any real communication". If you want to talk, then pick up the phone; if not, then leave me alone. The ONLY time I like them, is if there's an URGENT message while somebody's in the middle of a meeting, etc. (but seriously, how often does THAT happen?). **************************** To the original poster: The big question is whether you really want to get back together with this girl. If you do, then just go ahead and ask if she wants to meet sometime. If you don't want to get back together, then just ignore her completely with no contact. If you're confused about what you want, then maybe ask to meet with her, and then maybe after that interaction you'll have a better idea of what you want. (But make sure you're not just doing it out of guilt because she's contacting you so much, or because you feel lonely even though you know she's wrong for you, or some other BS like that that we all go through after a break up.)
Joker77 Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 I honestly think texts are a coward's way out. I speak from experience. If you want someone bad enough, pick up the freaking phone and make the effort. I had a 31 year old woman break up with me via a text message. All respect I had for her was lost. Be an adult and pick up the phone.
Author diskey23 Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 i know its posted a lot that if they want you back they will flat out tell you that. i dont necessarily think thats a rule but i have a feelin' it applies in this case. i do think she still has feelings for me, but i think samspade might be right. this text fad is getting out of control, i actually have a friend who was writing people letters & mailing them for awhile just to be different. not a happy camper has a point though, it does say something throwing a msg like that out there not knowing the response. I can also possibly seeing this turning into what Gere51 descriped, not havin' it. im not going to go NC completely at this point bc i kinda want to see what developes, but im not going to contact her first. i mean if she wanted to pursue things further i would assume she would try contacting again, right?
not_a_happy_camper Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 heya diskey, I think you're right. Don't contact her first, let her contact you. Just be normal with her (not "relationship" normal obviously!) but keep the communication doors open at least, if not the relationship doors. And like gere said, keep your options open. Unless your ex specifically mentions feelings still there, and you wish to go back there. I dunno.................then it's kinda putting her on the backburner too though?! ARGH!!! The thing is, if she still has feelings she wants to pursue, she's not going to tell you so unless you give her the chance to communicate them. so like you said, text her back at least and see what happens. There's also the out straight option of asking her next time she texts.................why are you texting me? What do you want? Out straight. and see what happens?
Phateless Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 i know its posted a lot that if they want you back they will flat out tell you that. i dont necessarily think thats a rule but i have a feelin' it applies in this case. i do think she still has feelings for me, but i think samspade might be right. this text fad is getting out of control, i actually have a friend who was writing people letters & mailing them for awhile just to be different. not a happy camper has a point though, it does say something throwing a msg like that out there not knowing the response. I can also possibly seeing this turning into what Gere51 descriped, not havin' it. im not going to go NC completely at this point bc i kinda want to see what developes, but im not going to contact her first. i mean if she wanted to pursue things further i would assume she would try contacting again, right? You have to grow some balls and take control of your own destiny. Who cares what she's thinking? What are YOU thinking? Do you want to be back with her or not? Why are you handing her all of the control over the situation? Be a man and take the situation where you want it. If you don't want to get back with her then just ignore her texts.
gerkel Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Well i got a text staying, my ex wishes she could get over this because she misses me, well i am not sure what she has to get over, she called it off with me, but is she misses you, then who knows what is going thru her mind.
samspade Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 You have to grow some balls and take control of your own destiny. Who cares what she's thinking? What are YOU thinking? Do you want to be back with her or not? Why are you handing her all of the control over the situation? Be a man and take the situation where you want it. If you don't want to get back with her then just ignore her texts. This is the kind of advice that needs to be given more often. Well said.
Author diskey23 Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 so i got a text from her around bar time last fri night asking where i was, i just responded with hi, she texted again & i ignored it bc i didnt want to meet up. left me a text again sat afternoon. jc, how am i handing all the control to her? im not sure what i want to be honest, but i know im not calling/texting her first. maybe responding just to keep her on the back burner, idk.
Phateless Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 so i got a text from her around bar time last fri night asking where i was, i just responded with hi, she texted again & i ignored it bc i didnt want to meet up. left me a text again sat afternoon. jc, how am i handing all the control to her? im not sure what i want to be honest, but i know im not calling/texting her first. maybe responding just to keep her on the back burner, idk. Because you don't know what you want and you're letting her call the shots. If you want it to be over then ignore her completely and move on. If you want her back then figure out how to make that happen. All you're doing now is wasting your own time.
Author diskey23 Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 so, im not shy about handing out advice (right or wrong) here but still love to hear it. i know there are plenty of 'happy bday' topics on here too. so here i go, bc i feel i still might have feelings for her but am not soaking about it. not only am i thinking about texting her "happy birthday" im actually thinking about calling her to say it. am i out of my skull? i dont know if ones over the other or whatever but if you kinda see it we both still MIGHT have feelings. ill be honest, ill probably contact her, her bdays saturday. & i know this sounds ridiculous & like a "game" but like everyone else, im on here for advice. so- text, phone call? what should i say? on the surface i feel like its an ego boost for me but deep down i wana know where she stands. (+ we have some of the same close friends & will always hear **** regardless, not an excuse but just curious if that plays a factor on anything in the future).
Phateless Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 you know where i stand. playing games is stupid. you obviously want her back, so you should call to say happy birthday, be friendly and chat for a few, then get off the phone and leave her wanting more. if she invites you to come out with her on b-day, accept and go. don't try anything that night, just work on your connection with her. invite her out again a couple of days later and keep progressing toward getting together.
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