lilxcutie53 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 So....I am a junior in college. Last semester I met this guy named Chris through a mutual friend. My friend, Julia is dating one of his roommates Andrew. I would occasionally go over to their house for parties and what not. Chris ended up stringing me along in this friends with benefits relationship until I told him at the end of the semester that I didnt want to really be friends with him anymore. He ended up saying "I like you, I just dont want to be in a relationship with you..we dont get along, but still would like to friends..if u want to" blah blah. never said nething back to that. So, while Chris was "talking" to me last semester, his other roommate Davis would occasionally IM me over FB. I got sick last semester, so he would IM me asking if I was ok, etc. When the guys would all come over to our apt he and I would goof off and talk. Just thought I was being friendly, plus my roommate liked him so i wanted to stay away He ended up not being into her. So once I went home for winter break, I noticed Davis was starting to IM me a lot more often. Once he IMed me 3 days in a row. We would talk about random things. Got back to school and Julia told me one night that Andrew and the boys were having a party. I really didnt feel like going. I ended up going anyways. Davis was there and we just hung out and talked. I just thought I was being friendly. We both got drunk & we ended up making out. The next morning he told me that he was into me. Now, Davis doesNOT do this often. His friends all say that when he gets interested in someone it means something. He never brings home girls or nething. I didnt want to hook up with him, It was something that just happened. The day after he IMed me again and said last night was fun and wonder how it happened. I told him that it shouldnt happen again, that I am not getting into friends with benefits and I dont want a relationship. He said "well, I like you, but I dont know what I want right now" I told him "well neither do I" sooo...the next day he asked if I wanted to get lunch, I told him I would go. we met on campus and our conversation flowed really really well. The next day, I e-mailed him and told him we shouldnt talk or hang b/c I didnt want my roommate to get mad at me for us hanging out. He was like "thats straight, dont want to cause problems btwn u too" next day, he IMs me again. I was like "davis, we cant talk" sooo the week goes by and Friday rolls around and He texts me at night saying that he likes me and that its no BS, and that he is afraid of the consequences with my roommate(since she liked him and all) By this pt I just "****, the whole no talking thing, he just keeps IMing me" So the next day he IMed me again and said that he was sorry for blowing up my phone that night and that he wanted to know if I would like to go to dinner, but understood if i couldnt because of my roommate. I told him that I would like to go, but wanted to talk to my roommate first. I told him I would let him know. that night he IMs me again. It was at 130 in the morning so he was a little drunk. Week goes on and he IMs me Tuesday. We just have a random conversation. then Thursday he IMs me again at 10am. That suprised me, who IMs someone at 10? He said he was in class. During our conversation he invited me to his faternity bid party. I went there with my friends. I saw Chris( they are in the same frat)I didnt talk to chris. Davis was around me probably 80% of the time. Sometimes I would go off with friends or talk to other guys and what not. Once I left the party, he Texted me and said he wanted me to come back and that he was sorry if he acted shy. In my head I was thinking "uh ok" So next day rolls around and I now IMed him. he asked if i had fun at the party and told him I did. The conversation was short bc he was going grocery shopping. So this past weekend he went home, so he wasnt here. Didnt talk to him at all during the weekend. So yesterday, I texted him saying "Remember how I said I would let you know when I talked to my roommate aout dinner? well I talked to her and we can still go if you want to. its up to you" He said that we could still go. So last night he IMed me again and said "so ive been thinking and I think going out to dinner would be a bad idea right now....I am really inconsistant with what I wnat right now. I go back and forth btwn wanting a relationship and not wanting one. I had a gf most of HS. I dont like to hook up, i just like to do my own thing. I see all my friends with their bfs and they do nothing and it looks boring. I reallly really like you, no bs, just I dont want to string you along, and hurt you" I just kinda got in shock, b.c I was really confused as to why he kept IMing me, and why he would tell me he liked me, or why he would apologize for being shy. I just kinda went along with it. He is a nice guy, and I like him. I told him that it was totally fine, and that I told him i would get back to him about goin to dinner, and so I did. I told him to just do his own thing and that no one is stopping him. WITH that said.....Chris IMs me at the sammmme time. I havent talked to him since Novemeber. He knew Davis and I hooked up, but told Davis he didnt care. Chris was at the bid party, but I didnt talk to him. I dont know if this is a coincedience or if he feels "threatened" now, I dont know how I should take Davis or Chris right now. Any thoughts? or Ideas?
chrislovestosurf Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 heres an idea, dont write a novel next time. People arent going to want to read such a long post.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 HJNTIY Cut your losses and find somebody that knows what he wants so you don't get hurt.
Geishawhelk Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 ....now, I dont know how I should take Davis or Chris right now. Any thoughts? or Ideas? I guess you're not tslking threesomes, are you? Kick 'em both to the kerb and find someone completely new. Why complicate your life?
Geishawhelk Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Woah. That's deep. Ok, look. Try posting #1 again, here. But don't make such a novel of it. Abridge and cut to the chase. Elaborate as the thread develops. Really, it's much better all round if you do that.
Author lilxcutie53 Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 ok. ill try it here.... so. I used to like Chris. started talking to him in June. By september I Told Chris i wanted a relationship with him. He told me he cant be in a relationship, but told me he liked me. 3 months went on, and we would occasionally hook up. not sex. he went to my sorority formal with me as my date. than I told him I didnt want to really be friends with him anymore. He responded with "i actualyl like you, just dont want to date you, we dont get along, but i still want to be friends with you, if u want to" His roommate Davis was my friend. He would occasionally IM me on FB chat. My roommate Mary* liked him. They hooked up. He didnt like her after that. Winter Break rolled around.. Davis would talk to me ALL the time on FB chat. Hung out with him once we got back to school. Hooked up with him (not sex) when we were drunk. I really didnt mean to. He told me he had fun the next morning. I told him that he couldnt happen again b/c i wanted no friendship with benefits with him. told him I didnt know what I wanted. Mary found out we hooked up. She is now mad. Davis knows that she is mad at me. He texted me one night telling me liked me and it was no BS but was afraid of consequences with Mary. Next morning he asked me out to dinner. TOld him i would like to go but I wanted to talk to my roommate first. THat weekend saw him at his frat Bid party. Was around him 70% of the time. He approached me. Chris was there too and didnt talk to me. Next week rolls around (this being Monday) I tell him that I talked to the roommate and that we can still go if he would like to. He says he wants to go. We make plans for Wed (today) That night he IMs me saying he thinks its a bad idea. He says that he really really likes me, but really doesnt know what he want. he is inconsistant and goes back and forth btwn wanting a gf and not wanting one. He says he sees all his frineds with gf and that they never do anythng and just sit around. He said he likes me, but doesnt want to string me along and hurt me. I was shocked he said this because I wasnt really sure what he was looking for and wanted to just go to dinner for fun. Not to get into anything. So I just told him that it was cool and that He should just do his own thing. Anyways, with that. at the SAME time Chris IMs me on FB. I havent talked to him since NOV. Now, I dont know how to take either of them. I still like Chris i am just trying to keep my cool, but I also like Davis. I like Davis more tho. is that better?
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Seriously - I wasn't being flip in what I said. Have you READ "He's Just Not That Into You?" Guys that are into a girl do not go wishy-washy on whether or not they want her as a GF. I haven't even read the book - just a page here and there and I totally agree. Any excuse a guy makes to not be in relationship with you is just that - AN EXCUSE. But I guess if it's a good enough one, it keeps the girl hanging on long enough hoping he'll change his mind. IMO, they both sound like dogs. I wouldn't give either of them the time of day. But I did have a question - why do you call it hooking up if it's not sex? What in the heck did you do? That may sound like a nosey question, but if you have to keep saying "not sex," maybe different terminology would be better for clarity's sake.
Geishawhelk Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Astonishingly enough, I actually stand by my first post. Both guys are just a bunch of hooey-flim-flam. Jeesh, it sounds as if you're "Hooking up" with two limp salad leaves! I think you need a real man to clear the air - and these guys are just juvenile!! SoulSearch, thanks.... I have to say, I'm confused by all these phrases such as "making out" - but we didn't have sex.... "hooking up" (but no sex) Does this involve a lot of heavy petting, short of penetration? As an English person, all these 'cool-dude', hip phrases, are both confusing and misleading. It would be good if people could say what they mean.....
Surfer Dude Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 This is stupid. You come on an internet forum and ask a bunch of strangers to make a decision for you on whom to date? Are you ok? These people don't know you, they don't know your boyfriends and they can't make an objective conclusion. They know what THEY would do and they project it onto your situation. Can't you take any responsibility for your actions?
Geishawhelk Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 *O/T:* Surfer Dude - the short answer to that is - No. Something which has become alarmingly evident is that young people today have absolutely no idea how to rationalise anything, because the one tool they need, to be able to rationalise anything - is missing. The ability to communicate verbally. I promise you I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that I have encountered several professional people, whom all have close connections with environmants largely populated and frequneted by the young - and to a person, they are all sincerely alarmed at how little people in this age group actually talk. Either to each other, or to elders..... Technology - and all that entails - has largely been held responsible. Because people become closetted in their own little worlds, this form of communication, is all they know. First evidence is their complete lack of written know-how. Text-speak, lack of proper sentences, punctuation or spelling. It's criminal and tragic. If you think I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, you just need to occasionally read first-posts sent in by people and assess them on a purely literal level. it's painful. Sorry. back On Topic.
Author lilxcutie53 Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 I think Davis's excuse was more legit. I never even brought up the thought of us dating at all with him. I just went with the flow and was gonna let him take initiative if he wanted to. I just told him I would let him know bout dinner. So I thought it was out of respect for me to do so. Then I got that huge long response on how he goes back and forth and blah and it looks boring. (What guy says a relationship looks boring to a girl?) I would have just thought he would leave that part out. and just be like "i dont know what I want, so I think its a bad idea" end of story. guess I did something wrong tho... Anyways. I didnt have sex with either of them. it was just making out and I guess petting if you want to label it that. I am not aggressive in bed at all. just a thought. Chris used to tease me a little or say some mean things and try and take control. Someone told me that when a boy teases you or picks on you it really means like they you, just dont know how to say it or feel vulnerable or intimidated by you. what do you think?
Lucky_One Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 I thin that all Chris wants to do is score with you, so that he can tell his buddy all about what he missed out on. Your choice. But neither one of those guy's lips or hands would touch THIS body ever again.
Geishawhelk Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 It could be any number of things, including the embarassment of not knowing how to talk to you, so ridiculing, because it gives them a perception of being witty, clever and funny, all at once. If only they knew how pathetic it sounds.
Author lilxcutie53 Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 It could be any number of things, including the embarassment of not knowing how to talk to you, so ridiculing, because it gives them a perception of being witty, clever and funny, all at once. If only they knew how pathetic it sounds. most defiently....kinda interesting on how that works. anyways, i'll never let any guy touch me again until after it's official. Learned that the hard way I guess. I'm going over to their house tonight. Chris actually texted me telling me they were having a party and I could come if I wanted to. I didnt text him back. I'll just show up. ha!
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