BM89 Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Me and my ex broke up a week ago, today. Today would have been our 2 year and 11 month anniversary. Her mother passed away close to 3 months ago very unexpectedly. It was a rough time period because before this event, it seemed we were stronger than ever. During this time period (approx 3 months) i had bought her a promise ring and told her things such as i would love and take care of her forever..etc..etc. Now its hard for me to just walk away from her because she was my "highschool sweetheart" and we were each others first everything..(REAL kiss, sex, etc.). Now i guess it would be appropriate for me to start this off by saying over the past approx. 3 months we havent been able to see eachother as much as we did before her tragic loss (we use to hang out everyday) and i know i was wrong, but i use to kind of get upset when we talked about it. I would always re-assure her though that my anger was no way directed at her but directed at the situation. So time went on and it appeared she was doing ok, might i add that i've never dealt with death or known anyone who has; which would explain why i would not know how to deal with a situation like this. One evening (which would have been approx. 3 weeks ago) we were on the phone and a conversation got really heated between me and her and i proposed that maybe it was best we "took our own space" so she could deal with this in her own manner and not have to worry about pleasing me. She however took it as me abandoning her and told me she was "heart-broken". I called her the next morning and apologized and told her i didnt mean one word and that i wanted to be with her regardless of the situation and i would do what it takes to make it work. She agreed and we got back together. We didnt see each other for about a week..? after this "break-up" due to our work schedules and school schedules, but we texted each other all day long like usual and talked on ther phone everynight. It seemed like it was ok, though she seemed distant i just figured she wasnt feeling good due to her loss of her mother. BTW this distance i picked up was when we hung out in person, the last time being the night before the break. So then last tuesday, we got into a mini arguement over a couple texts messages and she blew up on me. Said she was going to "drop off my stuff in my mailbox" (being the ring, and other jewerlly i recently had purchased her). I resisted her threats and calmed her down, we then agreed i would come pick them up face to face and we would talk about it. She agreed and i later arrived at her house. THE BREAK UP: We sat at her kitchen table and she explained to me she loved me and etc etc. And i told her i was sorry and i explained the argument we had through the text messages earlier that day was just a misunderstanding on her part. So i asked if we were together still and she claimed, no. I asked her why and she said something like "we've tried so many times and its not working", and her main reason for the break was "i need to do this on my own, i need to learn how to be strong on my own". She assured me that it had nothing to do with me and that she would always love me etc, etc.. I begged and pleaded with her told her i would do anything to make it work but she refused. Said those same things and added , "this is what you wanted last week"...She also told me she had stayed up all night thinking about this, which confused me because we had had such a great evening before. I asked her "why now, why not last night" and she said "i dont know" and etc etc. So i accepted it, and asked her if i waited for her, would she want to be with me in the future, she said "maybe" and "i dont know what i want, who knows if we'll even be here, i mean look at my mom". I was torn, but i smiled and accepted it. She gave me one last hug and asked for a kiss but i refused because i was so hurt at that point. I was a mess for the whole week, but we maintained mostly NC except for a quick few convos on facebook. Until yesterday where we had a conversation, i wont re-illustrate the whole thing but here's the jist of it. Me: are you okay with us being over? Her: yeah im okay Me: ok Her: are you? Me: i dunno Her: well do u have anything to say to me? Me: I wanna be with you Me: I loved you so much, you were my world.. etc, etc. Her: Well im sorry.... Her: What do u want me to do Her: I cant be your world, only a part of it and thats the way it should be.... forgot what else she said. Me: alright Her: well i gotta go to class, ill talk to you later or well see yeah Me: bye Even though you think i would be devistated after this, i felt much better to get those words off my chest. So what i need help with is, should i just give it some time, better my self, and let her sort out her emotions or should i just move on completely. Keep in mind me and her had talked about marriage, kids ,etc. And i do belive her friends played a major role in this whole situation, especially a specific friend of her's, who she reached out to alot because her friend has lost her father this past summer and my ex felt they could relate to alotta things. Thanks so much for reading and gimme and pointers/ advice you have.
westrock Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Sorry to hear about your gf's loss. This stood out to me: Me: I loved you so much, you were my world.. etc, etc. Her: Well im sorry.... Her: What do u want me to do Her: I cant be your world, only a part of it and thats the way it should be.... forgot what else she said. She is right. She cannot be "your world". For her to be "your world" it would put too much of a burden on to her to be responsible for your happiness. Her mother was probably her "world" too and upon the unexpected loss of her mother, she now feels the sudden loss of losing someone who was her world. She doesn't want you to have to feel a similar loss if something were to happen to her. The best thing you can do is just be there for her at this difficult time in her life. During her grieving process, she needs all the support she can get and if you want to be with her you will need to put aside all your relationship needs for now.
Author BM89 Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 Sorry to hear about your gf's loss. This stood out to me: She is right. She cannot be "your world". For her to be "your world" it would put too much of a burden on to her to be responsible for your happiness. Her mother was probably her "world" too and upon the unexpected loss of her mother, she now feels the sudden loss of losing someone who was her world. She doesn't want you to have to feel a similar loss if something were to happen to her. The best thing you can do is just be there for her at this difficult time in her life. During her grieving process, she needs all the support she can get and if you want to be with her you will need to put aside all your relationship needs for now. so the NC is a bad idea at this point? how long should i wait to tell her im here for any support she needs?
msjules Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I agree. She is grieving an unexpected and tremendous loss, and my guess is that she has nothing emotionally to give you right now. It has only been three months.
msjules Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I think you are going to have to give up on the idea of a relationship with her for right now. NC is probably not the best idea if you want to be supportive to her. Can you just being friends? It is very difficult, especially if you love her. You have to think of yourself and your needs first and foremost. You are in a very tough spot. I really feel for you.
Author BM89 Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 thanks for the insight, im so lost and confused without her....
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