Alex_M Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Ok so scrap my last thread. My ex called me to apologise for everything she said, she was just so desperate not to ruin the relationship she has now. I feel so replaced. Why does she act like he's so amazing and special, is he really so much better than me? Or is it just because he's new and interesting? She's told me to please never contact her again and to move on in life. I will respect her wishes and never call again. But I just need to know that he's not better than me, I used to know I was special and interesting and amazing, but I don't feel like it any more. I feel like I'm second best. I was the best man in her life but now someone even better has come a long. I'm trying to stand up again, but I'm missing something and I don't know what it is. I just need to know that I'm special and that he's just something new. Is that something that happens a lot after long term relationships? When you find someone new they seem amazing? Then you realise they aren't perhaps so great? I just really want someone to talk to.
lonelygurl Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 yes it happens in new relationships until all the little things that seem so cute become annoying and it isn't all new and fun anymore. Don't let this get to you, as hard as it is. You will be special to someone else again. If you really need someone to talk to maybe see about talking to a therapist or some type of group therapy?
steve9417 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Hi Alex - we're going through a similar thing - my ex is now with someone new and he's amazing (apparently) !!! he fills all the gaps that were missing in the relationship she had with me - great this great that ......... yawn yawn ........ there are two things that i say to us both ........ #1 in time like lonelygirl mentions she'll get bored (or he will) when the honeymoon period is over (which it will one day) and #2 By focusing on them we're focusing on the WRONG PERSON I'm sure you know who the right one is its a bugger that a significant relationship is over and its healthy to cry, get angry, hide, feel low for a time ......... just remember that you also focus on your own recovery - there's plenty on LS with regard to that - however if its buring you up then talk to good friends and family or again as lonelygirl mentions a therapist what would your best friend say to you now ....... can you be that best friend ?
Weird Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 doubtful the new guy is so amazing and all that stuff. It's just him being new and the chances are in time he will "suddenly" become a prick to her and have all these flaws and all the crap you went through. Another thing is people make the choice to be with someone so they obviously want to hype the person up to stroke their ego of picking that person to be with because everyone wants to act like they always make the best decisions and got the "best" thing out there. See when people buy cars, TVs, houses, anything. Somehow these things become an extension of you and with a relationship, the person is an extension of you so obviously you want to act like they are the greatest person in the world and you are the lucky one who gets to be with them. I put my money on that when that relationship ends (and the odds are it will) she will contact you and talk you up being so great again and be trashing that guy like he was the worst person she ever met. People are funny that way. So yeah, don't sweat it. The guy may be "better" than you or he may not be. It is more likely thought that neither of you is "better" and both have your good and bad points since one would have to be superior in basically every area to be "better" than someone else.
Author Alex_M Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 Thanks for all the replies. I wish I hadn't become so dependant on her for happiness. I'm trying hard to look for it again.
moondogg Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I was in a similar situation as yours, I was made to feel second best also and couldnt understand.I never knew then that a new relationship feels like a honeymoon, hence the word honeymoon period but the it soon became not so rosy for my ex and her new prince "charming". Long story short: after the sh@t hit the fan, she came running back to me but it was too little too late. Time will heal the wounds, just stay away from her and find someone that does appreciate you, your ex will soon start to miss everything bout. She obviously doesnt love or appreciate you; i think this is a blessing in disguise.
Author Alex_M Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 I'm feeling a bit better just not thinking about it at all. Just taking each day as it comes. Doing some exercise, losing some weight. Playing the piano. I guess the thing is, it takes two people to create a relationship and only one to destroy it and it seems very selfish to not follow through the commitment.
Bluebird In My Heart Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 I have a slightly different spin on this, if you'll indulge me? I think it's ego and rejection you are dealing with - which is good news for you, believe it or not! You hit the nail square on the head when you stated that you depended on her for your happiness. Now, you can find other, healthier ways of becoming happy...slowly. Lasting ways, ways that can't walk away one day...because, they come from within YOU. *hug* In the strangest way, this has *nothing to do with her*, really. It's you. Gathering up your sense of self-worth is an inside job, it always has been. You just pawned it off to her, temporarily. This means that you have the power to build yourself up again. She has *nothing to do with this and never did* --- that was just an illusion you were living in. It IS painful to have those delusions pop like that, but ultimately it is for the best - now it is time for you to learn let go. I think it's a skill that people who are wise need to learn. It is not easy, but who said it would be? I need to learn the very same things that you do. We will, hon. It will be worth it in the end.
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