TeTe Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I have been dating a guy for a few months. OK well before we started being exclusive he talked to a woman sexually on the internet. He knew her from his son's baseball activities. Since then he hasn't had too much to do with her. He said it was all in fun at the time. Yea, whatever. I don't like them corresponding at all. But he does because their kids are friends. Now tonight baseball tryouts are starting. We were going to see one another after the tryouts this evening. He emails me a couple of messages. One saying oh his ex wife has his son, but he wants to go for support...want to go with me? Then the next email said. Plans changed. He is helping this woman (that he used to talk sexually to on the internet) take her kids to and from the field. So I called him just now, asking him if he still wanted me to come with him. His first reaction was "that won't work". I said why? He said because we are already on the road. I said I can meet you there. He said no. He said I will call you later. Now I am going crazy. HELP!
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I'm not sure to what degree something is going on, but a person with nothing to hide, hides nothing. He clearly has enough of something going on that he does not want you there. Big. Huge. Red. Flag. Go back and read your earlier threads. Very, very carefully.
Author TeTe Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 Thank you very much. I am monitoring the situation very close.
2sure Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 He knows her in real life, and had a sexual internet thing with her. So, they have a sexual history and when he was given the chance to do something with her - he immediately withdrew the invitation to include you. Monitor what?
Author TeTe Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 I am monitoring the way he talks about being with her. He knows exactly what I think and feel about the situation. Last night after he was there with her, I saw him later at his place. Usually at this point I would have blown up at him for not including me with last nights activities (baseball season started up last night for his son), asking him questions. But I took a different approach. It actually worked rather well. He was way attentive and loving. But I am not letting this go unnoticed that he helped her out. I am not comfortable with it. He swears he has never felt anything romantic towards her and says that he loves me. I really do believe that, BUT I do not like the fact that he helps this woman. She has really bad mouthed me ever since he and I became romantic. So I mean that I am listening to him and his opinion and depending on what happens with her tonight or the near future I am going to voice my opinion about how I feel about him corresponding with her. If they had no sexual talk, then I would not have had a problem with all this. You are right. I am actually going tonight to the same ballfield. She will be there. I want to see how they talk to one another. He has told her that she might as well get used to me being around. So that was good. But last night threw me for a loop. It made me crazy! In the end he told me that she rode in the other vehicle and he took some of the kids and a friend of hers. By the way when the sexual talk went on between them, she was married and still is and he was also married. She is really short and heavy. She has professed to be a swinger and also has been homeless. Just a bit of history.
AlektraClementine Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 What do you mean, you wouldn't mind them speaking if they hadn't been sexual??? I would mind very much if my boyfriend corresponded/helped/spoke to a woman who bad mouthed me. I find it laughable when grown women engage in bad mouthing and gossip. This woman is beneath you and you need to have some back bone here. Tell him you won't tolerate him having a relationship with some "girl" who tactlessly speaks ill of you. It would take a little more chivalry than "you'll have to get used to her being around" from my man to satisfy me. I would expect for him to scold her for speaking ill of the woman he loves. sheesh.
2sure Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Ahhh. Gotcha. Yes, if this woman is bad mouthing you he should shut her down on that topic. However, if they are friends and their kids are together you may have no choice but to tolerate her presence. In this , i have practice! So, she bad mouths you. Good! She probably does this because she feels inferior to you. By your description, you sound superior to her...so act it. Guys HATE gossipy catty women...LET her complain about you. And say to him - Gee, I'm sorry she dislikes me, but its OK - I'm not bothered by it. AND NEVER MENTION IT AGAIN. In fact, let him see you say hello to her in a nice way. Whenever you see her...have a small mysterious smile and laugh a little. She will think you and he have an inside joke about her. I'm telling you this will make her insane- which will make her trash you to him - which he will soon find small petty and unattractive. Works like a charm.
Author TeTe Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 OMG I think you are right. I love this. And I will do this tonight given the chance! Well yes, she even said to him, so you don’t like going for the fat type anymore. I already have lots on her, but to me you are right that she feels inferior. You see I have been there. I lost 55lbs in the past 5 years. I am only five foot. Thats a lot of weight loose for me. Now I am 108 and still have large breasts. I am very proud of my accomplishment and used to feel bad about myself. But I didn’t act like that though. I already see that he doesn’t like for me to say anything derogatory about her. But I do have the right to say that I am uncomfortable with him being alone with her and corresponding with her outside of the kids. After all we are exclusively dating. I will address this to him at the right time. I really don’t understand his allegiance to her. Yes they were friends. She trashed him as well since then, along with saying bad stuff about me. She is basically talking bad stuff about him because of me. I told him that I thought she must have loved him, because why would just a “friend” even care who he was seeing? Of course he denied it and said there were never any love feelings from him to her. I said yes, but talking sexually to a woman opens all kinds of feelings. I still think she had feelings for him, even though she claims she is happily married.
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