fieldhockeyislove Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 So, ive been dating this guy. He's really sweet. I love him so much. And I know he loves me too...or at least he used to. You know how when you first get into a relationship, you get on this high, and then it dies down and you get bored? Yeah...well i think that's what's happening to him. And he might not even care about me anymore. Here's why: 1. We used to text constantly, and we don't anymore. Also, when we do end up texting, he all of a sudden cuts off without explanation. He used to tell me when he had to go, but now he'll just all of a sudden stop talking to me,whether we're talking about food or whether we're having an important discussion about our relationship. And when i ask him about it, he says, "Oh, my phone died." or "Oh, my phone didn't get that message." yeah right. 2. When he goes to bed, he used to call me to tell me goodnight and i love you. Guess what? Yeah, that stopped too. 3. I told him that I was feeling disconnected from him, and he goes, "What do you want me to do about it?" and my heart broke into a million pieces and i ended up saying, "Never mind, just forget about it. It's my fault." 4. My friend told me today that whenever we're together, I look happy, but he doesn't. I don't know if this is true, because he seems happy to me, and she's a little bit biased because she doesn't really like that I have a boyfriend. Sorry that was so long. But that's my issue. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sick of it. I don't want to text him or talk to him anymore because I'm so hurt. Should I break it off? This breakup would really leave a mark... What do you think?
Ramrod Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Don't break-up with him. Talk to him from your heart. Let him know how you feel. Tell him about your desire for more communication. Reach a compromise if need be. I'm sure if he feels the same for you he will do more to make you feel at ease. I recommend you try to make some more time available to spend together as this will help the two of you feel better connected.
Treasa Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I keep reading what he's not doing for you, but I don't see what you're doing for him. Call HIM to say goodnight, and tell him you love him. Be sweet to him. Don't be mopey. Guys (and girls) don't like it when their SO whines and complains and acts unhappy. Be cheerful, upbeat, loving, and I suspect he'll return it in kind. If not, THEN you can consider breaking up with him. ETA: Oh, and stop texting. It's driving me nuts to hear about all of these people having relationship problems when half their communication (or more) is done through text. Call the dude if you want to talk to him, or see him in person.
Author fieldhockeyislove Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 I keep reading what he's not doing for you, but I don't see what you're doing for him. Call HIM to say goodnight, and tell him you love him. Be sweet to him. Don't be mopey. Guys (and girls) don't like it when their SO whines and complains and acts unhappy. Be cheerful, upbeat, loving, and I suspect he'll return it in kind. If not, THEN you can consider breaking up with him. ETA: Oh, and stop texting. It's driving me nuts to hear about all of these people having relationship problems when half their communication (or more) is done through text. Call the dude if you want to talk to him, or see him in person. I do call him/text him. but thats the thing. I'm normally the one to do it and then he'll just cut off like two minutes later. And another thing I forgot to add up there was that ill make plans for him one day,completely clear my schedule for him,and then he'll just blow me off/stand me up and say he "forgot," or make up some other lame excuse I know isn't true.
Author fieldhockeyislove Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 Don't break-up with him. Talk to him from your heart. Let him know how you feel. Tell him about your desire for more communication. Reach a compromise if need be. I'm sure if he feels the same for you he will do more to make you feel at ease. I recommend you try to make some more time available to spend together as this will help the two of you feel better connected. I tried talking to him about how i felt and he responds with, "what am i supposed to do?" that really hurt. its like he doesn't care. and also i do try and make time for him. We're both very busy people so this normally has to happen on weekends. And there'll be days when he says we'll hang out, and i completely clear my schedule for him, tell my friends i can't hang out with them, get everything i need to get done finished so that I can hang out.....and then ten minutes after the time he was supposed to come over or meet me at the park comes, ill text him asking him where he is and he'll say "whats up?" When i remind him of plans, he says, "sorry i had blahblahblah."
LovieDove24 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Ok field hockey I am sorry you are going through this right now with your boyfriend but please take some solace in the fact that this has happened to EVERY woman at some point in their lives. It's like a woman's right of passage to get taken advantage of at some point. But its also a womans right of passage to learn from it, stand back up, dust themselves off and never allow themselves to be a doormat again. Usually this happens in your early twenties sometime. Sometimes sooner, sometimes later. Actually the age doesn't even really matter. It's just I'm assuming you are young. You sound it. Now, if you want ANY chance of him turning himself around it must start with him respecting you. The only way to do this is by creating healthy boundaries and following through with them. You must say "I'm sorry but you need to stop breaking plans with me last minute. You also need to stop invalidating my feelings by saying more than just "What am I supposed to do." All of this is disrespectful. I don't tolerate it from anyone else in my life--not my friends not my family--and I most certainly won't tolerate it from you." Then leave. Don't call, don't text. If he is truly boyfriend material he will sit and chew on that for a few days and come crawling back. It may sound harsh but if your boyfriend doesnt respect you, he can't truly love you. I'm sorry.
D-Lish Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 He's either become indifferent... or he is taking you for granted. Either way, it's time to ask him what is going on. When he says "what do you want me to do about it".... TELL him what you want him to do about it. Discussing needs is important on both ends. Hopefully this is just a communication problem and not a sign of lost interest. You won't know unless you address your needs and find out what his are.
Author fieldhockeyislove Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 Ok field hockey I am sorry you are going through this right now with your boyfriend but please take some solace in the fact that this has happened to EVERY woman at some point in their lives. It's like a woman's right of passage to get taken advantage of at some point. But its also a womans right of passage to learn from it, stand back up, dust themselves off and never allow themselves to be a doormat again. Usually this happens in your early twenties sometime. Sometimes sooner, sometimes later. Actually the age doesn't even really matter. It's just I'm assuming you are young. You sound it. Now, if you want ANY chance of him turning himself around it must start with him respecting you. The only way to do this is by creating healthy boundaries and following through with them. You must say "I'm sorry but you need to stop breaking plans with me last minute. You also need to stop invalidating my feelings by saying more than just "What am I supposed to do." All of this is disrespectful. I don't tolerate it from anyone else in my life--not my friends not my family--and I most certainly won't tolerate it from you." Then leave. Don't call, don't text. If he is truly boyfriend material he will sit and chew on that for a few days and come crawling back. It may sound harsh but if your boyfriend doesnt respect you, he can't truly love you. I'm sorry. hahahha!! i guess i do sound young....i am. i just called him and explained everything but my phone died before he could finish responding. When I finally plugged it back in, i had this message in my inbox. Exact words: "I'm really sorry about all of that and its completely my fault. And believe me, I love spending time with you. I'm sorry that I'm a terrible bf and i blow off all your friends as well." ....i never even mentioned anything about blowing off my friends, him being a terrible boyfriend, or him spending time with me.......was he even listening?
You'reasian Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 So, ive been dating this guy. He's really sweet. I love him so much. And I know he loves me too...or at least he used to. You know how when you first get into a relationship, you get on this high, and then it dies down and you get bored? Yeah...well i think that's what's happening to him. And he might not even care about me anymore. Here's why: 1. We used to text constantly, and we don't anymore. Also, when we do end up texting, he all of a sudden cuts off without explanation. He used to tell me when he had to go, but now he'll just all of a sudden stop talking to me,whether we're talking about food or whether we're having an important discussion about our relationship. And when i ask him about it, he says, "Oh, my phone died." or "Oh, my phone didn't get that message." yeah right. 2. When he goes to bed, he used to call me to tell me goodnight and i love you. Guess what? Yeah, that stopped too. 3. I told him that I was feeling disconnected from him, and he goes, "What do you want me to do about it?" and my heart broke into a million pieces and i ended up saying, "Never mind, just forget about it. It's my fault." 4. My friend told me today that whenever we're together, I look happy, but he doesn't. I don't know if this is true, because he seems happy to me, and she's a little bit biased because she doesn't really like that I have a boyfriend. Sorry that was so long. But that's my issue. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sick of it. I don't want to text him or talk to him anymore because I'm so hurt. Should I break it off? This breakup would really leave a mark... What do you think? Your best bet is to meet up with him over something casual, like dinner. Enjoy your time and after the two of you are full, talk about the issue and work it out. Face to face is the best.
redant Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Try to understand that the emotional high is not as strong now. Love is something that lasts a lifetime if you really love each other it can work but if it's just a fantasy type love it won't. I think u are missing the fantasy u had of him maybe he is not wanting all that attention now. I think u have fallen fast and that's not always good. I have felt like u many times and I am older! I'm hoping I've learned. Talk to him but don't be whiney.
LovieDove24 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 But Redant, this has nothing to do with whether or not they are in the "fantasy" stage of their relationship. Nothing at all. It has everything to do with the way he is treating her. He is very disrespectful of her feelings when she communicates them and he has stood her up last minute on several occasions. It doesnt matter how long they've been out of the "fantasy" stage--it is disrespectful and inappropriate. Quite frankly had he stood me up with the excuse "I forgot" or "I got busy" his butt woulda been kicked to the curb. Inexcusable in my book. Is no one else seeing this here???
LovieDove24 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 And there'll be days when he says we'll hang out, and i completely clear my schedule for him, tell my friends i can't hang out with them, get everything i need to get done finished so that I can hang out.....and then ten minutes after the time he was supposed to come over or meet me at the park, ill text him asking him where he is and he'll say "whats up?" When i remind him of plans, he says, "sorry i had blahblahblah." This is the inexcusable crap I'm referring to. Anyone, anyone???
You'reasian Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 This is the inexcusable crap I'm referring to. Anyone, anyone??? I don't know what to say - if a guy keeps coming up with excuses for not seeing you, he's not interested and you should move on. If the two of you are in some kind of established relationship, bring the issue to the table and work it out - posting about it on loveshack is not going to solve the problem. I know women mostly want to be heard and men like to solve problems, but I don't think complaining about it will improve the situation.
Author fieldhockeyislove Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 I don't know what to say - if a guy keeps coming up with excuses for not seeing you, he's not interested and you should move on. If the two of you are in some kind of established relationship, bring the issue to the table and work it out - posting about it on loveshack is not going to solve the problem. I know women mostly want to be heard and men like to solve problems, but I don't think complaining about it will improve the situation. i already tried talking to him about it, and he completely missed everything i was saying. he seems to want to make things better, but how can he if he doesn't even take the time to understand the problem? i dont know....should i break up with him? give it time?
Author fieldhockeyislove Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 But Redant, this has nothing to do with whether or not they are in the "fantasy" stage of their relationship. Nothing at all. It has everything to do with the way he is treating her. He is very disrespectful of her feelings when she communicates them and he has stood her up last minute on several occasions. It doesnt matter how long they've been out of the "fantasy" stage--it is disrespectful and inappropriate. Quite frankly had he stood me up with the excuse "I forgot" or "I got busy" his butt woulda been kicked to the curb. Inexcusable in my book. Is no one else seeing this here??? i do hold myself to a high standard, and i can see how we're alike in that. i dont stand for stuff like that either most of the time. this is the only time ive ever given a guy a second chance and not just broken up with him asap after he did something wrong..... and im still deciding if i made the right decision in doing that. do you think i need to give it time? break it off now?
unacceptable62 Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Did his apology sound heart-felt? Maybe he has some things going on that he doesn't want to let on about? "....i never even mentioned anything about blowing off my friends, him being a terrible boyfriend, or him spending time with me.......was he even listening?" He probably brought those things up because that's how he feels like he is acting.
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