NC - Day 30 - I have broken NC and sent my letter so now its time to move on and heal

[Zammo25]

I thank you all for your advice and listened to it but I have broken NC today after 30 days and sent my final letter. I know many people will say I have gone back to square one but I was jnot making progress and my letter will I hope give me the power to move on and heal knowing I said everything and was true to myself and my heart.

 

I am not expecting a reply or even wanting one and I am trying to accept its over and is for the best although it is hell.

 

I know tomorrow I have to dust myself off and move on with my life as I cannot live like I have for the last 5 weeks.

 

I know this is the final closure for me but I think I needed to do it.

 

I will be a long and hard road but I hope I can get there and one day feel normal again and appreciate life and all it has to offer.

[Zammo25]

I admire your conviction in how you wanted to do this. Only you knew how to get through in your way. The Bible does say, somewhere, "grieve for 30 days, then grieve not".

 

Congrats and good luck with the new life. It really can be quite an exciting time for you if you let it.

 

Thansk eDave. I know the concensus with Ls was not to break NC but I was not making progress. The letter was stating I did not want it to end and that I loved her truly and deeply but it said I had accepted her decision and that I wasmoving on and wished her healt and happiness and that she finds what she is looking for.

 

I wanted to do this as I can look on the mirror and say " you did all you could and were true to yourself and your heart ".

 

Tomorrow I must move on.

[Thunder bay]

I only wish i would have done the same Zammo, but its too late, over a year as gone by...

[Butterfly01]

I'm glad you did what you had to do for you -- and I hope this is the beginning of your healing.

 

Best of luck Zammo.

[Goatsbreath]

I only wish i would have done the same Zammo, but its too late, over a year as gone by...

 

Well here, from someone who feels like they wrote the letter, they said the things that needed to be said. Take my girlfriends answer as the universal possibility of what probably would of been said.

 

Her: "I know how you feel and you've said these things before but we lived the relationship and it was what it was at the time. If you felt the motivation to do these things while we were together you would of done them. You were not motivated enough in the relationship but only now that it is over."

 

Well it was something like that

[Zammo25]

Well here, from someone who feels like they wrote the letter, they said the things that needed to be said. Take my girlfriends answer as the universal possibility of what probably would of been said.

 

Her: "I know how you feel and you've said these things before but we lived the relationship and it was what it was at the time. If you felt the motivation to do these things while we were together you would of done them. You were not motivated enough in the relationship but only now that it is over."

 

Well it was something like that

 

I can guarantee if I did get a reply ( which I don't think I will ) it will be almost exactly the same thing. I did not get round to doing the things I promised 2 years ago and now its too late. But there were a lot of outside influences and obsticles in our way with my business taking a nosedive in 2008 and likely to be as bad in 2009 with lack of money meaning I could not do the things I hoped. I thou ght we were in it for the long haul but she has called time.l

[Goatsbreath]

I here you Zammo, I also was working on a internet business for additional income to my day job. In doing so I may have lost focus of the little things and I wish so bad I could go back in time. I had the girl of my dreams right beside me but I was looking at the future. I was looking at our future not realizing the whole time that she was dieing right beside me, not realizing that in the future...she wasn't there.

 

There's that saying, "when people decide to get serious, they also get serious about life." That's what I did, I lost the balance of nurturing my relationship and pursing my goals. I tried to explain this to her, that we were struggling, I was had dreams and without money I felt like I couldn't provide everything I wanted to provide for her.

 

I dreamed of buying her a ring, proposing to her, seeing her in her white dress and how beautiful she would be. I imagined her smile on this day, glowing.

 

I never dreamed the dream would end like this.

 

blah, ,,.........sorry

[Zammo25]

I here you Zammo, I also was working on a internet business for additional income to my day job. In doing so I may have lost focus of the little things and I wish so bad I could go back in time. I had the girl of my dreams right beside me but I was looking at the future. I was looking at our future not realizing the whole time that she was dieing right beside me, not realizing that in the future...she wasn't there.

 

There's that saying, "when people decide to get serious, they also get serious about life." That's what I did, I lost the balance of nurturing my relationship and pursing my goals. I tried to explain this to her, that we were struggling, I was had dreams and without money I felt like I couldn't provide everything I wanted to provide for her.

 

I dreamed of buying her a ring, proposing to her, seeing her in her white dress and how beautiful she would be. I imagined her smile on this day, glowing.

 

I never dreamed the dream would end like this.

 

blah, ,,.........sorry

 

It sounds like we have had very similar expriences. I guess my friend that they did not love us enough to wait around for us to make things secure. Whilst we were worrying about work and money they were falling out of love with us.

 

Still when things get better again it will be her loss.

[Thunder bay]

Well here, from someone who feels like they wrote the letter, they said the things that needed to be said. Take my girlfriends answer as the universal possibility of what probably would of been said.

 

Her: "I know how you feel and you've said these things before but we lived the relationship and it was what it was at the time. If you felt the motivation to do these things while we were together you would of done them. You were not motivated enough in the relationship but only now that it is over."

 

Well it was something like that

 

Mmmm interesting...thanks.

[Geishawhelk]

It's cliche, I know, but here goes the first day of the rest of it....

Glad you managed to get it out of your system and find the closure you needed.

 

I don't think you'll stop being sad for a while, but guys, honestly, you have to stop looking at the pavement/sidewalk, when you're out and about.

Pull your chins up and look the world in the eye. (I know, I know, another cliche) - but oddly enough, they seem to work.

 

posture and physical attitude make a big difference to your mental stance and personal attitude.

Sit up straight and take a deep breath, lengthen the neck, and put your shoulders back and relaxed.

 

I swear it pulls you up by your boot straps.....

[Meaplus3]

You did what was right for YOU and that's all that matters. I wish you the best Zammo.

 

Mea:)

[Zammo25]

You did what was right for YOU and that's all that matters. I wish you the best Zammo.

 

Mea:)

 

Thanks. I have had no reply and do not expect one or want one as if I did get a reply it would inevitably set me back. Its too long now to ever get back together. She dumped me 5 weeks ago and obviously does not give a Rat's arse about me anymore. I am very up and down, some days I feel stronger and then the next day I feel terrible again.

[entityzero]

Zammo just wanted to add and show my support, you did the right thing with the letter.

I sent mine last week, just the final few things i wanted to say to her that I didnt get around to saying when we spoke on the phone.

It really can help you say "I did all I could", I didnt feel instantly better afterwards, infact I still feel crappy and its been 3 months, although mine wasnt just a straight breakup so..i need more time to heal.

But you did good man, even if the b***h doesnt read it, you wrote it out and sent it off into the universe, good luck with your grief, you are not alone my friend, much better things await us.

Rock on.

[Zammo25]

Zammo just wanted to add and show my support, you did the right thing with the letter.

I sent mine last week, just the final few things i wanted to say to her that I didnt get around to saying when we spoke on the phone.

It really can help you say "I did all I could", I didnt feel instantly better afterwards, infact I still feel crappy and its been 3 months, although mine wasnt just a straight breakup so..i need more time to heal.

But you did good man, even if the b***h doesnt read it, you wrote it out and sent it off into the universe, good luck with your grief, you are not alone my friend, much better things await us.

Rock on.

 

Thanks my friend. Its hard that someone who porfessed to love you and would have married you less than 2 months ago dumps you and chucks you out with the rubbish never to contact you again not knowing are cring if you are alive or dead. I am reaching an anger stage. What a f*cking bitch. She screwed my head up and has made me weak and pathetic and I will never foregive her for it. I can not want to eevr see her , speak to her or corresponde with her again in my life.

 

She is probably out with some other bloke screwing him now.

[Meaplus3]

I am very up and down, some days I feel stronger and then the next day I feel terrible again.

 

And while it really sucks, it's so VERY normal to feel this way. It may not seem like it right now, but things will get better and your feelings will fade. It just takes time. So hang in there you will be ok. You will feel much better soon enough. Best wishes.

 

Mea:)

[SRV]

Zammo25, gather the strength and I see it in you. You have to grieve this one because it is dead in the water. Take comfort in the fact that it happened before you got married to her with maybe kids, a house and other assets. This is a preview of the kind of person that she is. Thank your lucky stars that you are away from her because she will do the same thing to the next guy that she did to you. You will find someone that is deserving of you and this will be a distant memory that you will have learnt from.

 

Just curious, what was her background like, for example family, upbringing, past relationships? Sorry if you have already written explained the above, but it will be vital so that moving forward you can chose wisely and know the "red flags" that we so often ignore at the onset of relationship because we are blinded by the rush.