NewEnglandGirl Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Last week I met a guy at a local sports bar. He hung out with me for most of the night. There is an age difference, I'm 29, he is 23. But I wasn't too concerned about it. I found him very attractive and very sweet. So at the end of the night I didn't want to leave without exchanging numbers. He seemed a little shy so I thought I may have to be the one to ask. So with some coaxing from my friends I asked him and he gave it to me and said it would be great if he could call me sometime. So we exchanged numbers and said goodnight. Than on Friday he asked me if I wanted to meet up for a drink, but I already had plans. I had plans Saturday as well, but with another group of friends, so I told him he was welcome to join us. We went to this karaoke place and he was very attentive all night. Putting his arm around me, holding my hand, and he paid for everything (which I didn't expect) Before we said goodnight I talked with him awhile, in his car and he asked if he could kiss me, I happily said yes and that turned into an hour makeout session. That is as far as it went and we said goodnight. He than textes me on Sunday asking me what I was doing for the Super Bowl (again I had plans) but he asked me to go out on Monday (just him and I) we planned to go see a movie. So Monday afternoon he textes me and says he will call me when I get out of work. So I get home and he calls. I had a sinking feeling I wasn't going to like what he was going to say. So he tells me that he forgot about plans he had made with a friend, who is leaving for the marines(yeah ok, buddy) so I just told him it wasn't a big deal. He than asks me if I could meet him somewhere because he had something he wanted to say in person and not over the phone. I told him he could say whatever he had to say on the phone and he proceeded to tell me that his ex girlfriend of 5 years and him are going to give things another try. He said things have been "up in the air" between him and her over the last month, but he just decided yesterday to make it work because "he owed her that much" I told him again, no biggie and acted like it didn't bother me. He than apologized and told me he thinks I'm great and beautiful and if "only whe met me at another time" Now at this point I just wanted to get off the phone but he continued to say that he didn't want us to stop talking or I think he said "hanging out" but I told him I don't "hang out" with guys who have girlfriends. So I told him I had to go and said take care and hung up. He than texted me saying that he was sorry (again) and he thinks I'm amazing (again). He wants to be friends, blah blah blah. But I told him that I hope things work out for him and the ex (yeah right) and told him it was best that he not call me anymore. He than says that he doesn't want me to be a stranger, lets keep in touch. I told him if we run into each other (because we will) that there are no hard feelings. But he continues to say that things may not work out with her. (this is all said through text) I don't get it! He contradicted himself! Was he trying to keep me on the backburner in case things don't work with her?
AlektraClementine Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I think you handled it beautifully. And you sound to me, like you have a top notch head on your shoulders. This guy WILL contact you again. No doubt. Don't fall for it. haha. I seriously doubt you will.
Still Trying Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Hows that back burner treating you? Blow him off.
amaysngrace Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 If he calls you in the future saying it didn't work out then you can decide what to do then. I agree that you handled it beautifully. Don't take it personally. You two only hung out twice and that isn't a very long time to get to know someone. He is going back to what he knows because he has a lot of time invested there. It probably won't work though. Especially if he's honest with her and you get mentioned. They broke up already and he was over it enough to pursue you. That says a lot. Just wait until you hear from him again. You may not but I'm guessing you probably will.
Author NewEnglandGirl Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 I don't know why I would hear from him, especially when I told him not to call me anymore. To me it was just a date, but I don't want to be anyone's second choice either.
amaysngrace Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I don't know why I would hear from him, especially when I told him not to call me anymore. To me it was just a date, but I don't want to be anyone's second choice either. You may stay on his mind. That's why you may hear from him again if he decides to not be with this other girl. Like I said before don't take it personally. Change scares people. Sometimes it's better to stay with what you know rather than venture into unknown territories. It's safer that way for some. You are unknown territory. So while he may like you he's just scared of trying something new. It sucks I know but this is all him. It has zero to do with you.
Author NewEnglandGirl Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 I'm trying not to take it personally. Part of me wishes he would contact me, just so I can blow him off. But another part wishes he would, because I liked him.
amaysngrace Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I'm trying not to take it personally. Part of me wishes he would contact me, just so I can blow him off. But another part wishes he would, because I liked him. It's hard not to take it personally but you should try. He liked you too. From what you said he called and cancelled plans, he wanted to speak to you in person, and he told you how great he thinks you are. That's not a bad way to be let down. Truly. You guys only hung out twice. That's not a whole lot of time compared to five years. Like I said before some people would rather go with a bad thing and be uncomfortable with that because they find it more discomforting to change and face something new. You may still be on his mind. It sounds like he thinks highly of you. It also sounds as if he senses something good about you too. Which is why he wants to keep in touch. Leave him be to make up his mind. Until then it is out of your hands. But it sounds as if you gave some serious food for thought. And yeah if he calls and they are together then definitely blow him off.
Phateless Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Yes. Back Burner. Tell him that you like him too but he needs to make up his mind. You are a busy girl and you are not about to wait around for him to figure himself out. Simple.
moman Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 You sound like a really cool BUSY girl. Ignore him for a while if he contacts you. Why he would feel obligated to tell you about this in person is wierd. Take the high road here, just ignore him and if you see him keep it short and sweet. You'll just make yourself more attractive in his eyes.
Author NewEnglandGirl Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 You sound like a really cool BUSY girl. Ignore him for a while if he contacts you. Why he would feel obligated to tell you about this in person is wierd. Take the high road here, just ignore him and if you see him keep it short and sweet. You'll just make yourself more attractive in his eyes. I guess he felt obligated because he didn't want to cheat? But 1 hour later he said he wasn't sure if things would even work out, if they try again. I'm not too comfy with the idea that he will call me because things didn't work with her...
amaysngrace Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I'm not too comfy with the idea that he will call me because things didn't work with her... Cross that bridge when you get there.
moman Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I guess he felt obligated because he didn't want to cheat? But 1 hour later he said he wasn't sure if things would even work out, if they try again. I'm not too comfy with the idea that he will call me because things didn't work with her... Tell him you don't need his problems. If I was him in the scenario and you said that, I would be like "Whoa, this girl is serious stuff". Once he sees that you're not a doormat, he'll either call or not, but he will definately respect you more.
EYECANDY000 Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 The way I interpret this is this. I think he is trying to keep you around because just in case things don't work out between him and his girlfriend then he would love to continue to get to know you. 2)He keeps apologizing because he feels guilty and wants to have an free conscience , knowing that he hasn't hurt your feelings. I'VE done it a few time and I've have it done to me.. I've had guys tell me that they would still like to remain friends after 'letting me down' ... blah blah blah.. but I of course don't see the reasoning for being friends. 3) its a good thing that he was honest with you about getting back with his ex. 4) I think he contradicted himself because he is probaly in one of those relationships where they figure they can't get along with each other when they are together but miss each other whn apart. By him saying thay he owes it to her , it doesn't really sound like he is excited about getting back with her and is only doing it out of pity.. which brings me back to point 1 I am sure that his relationship will not last and he's going to call again..
Author NewEnglandGirl Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 The way I interpret this is this. I think he is trying to keep you around because just in case things don't work out between him and his girlfriend then he would love to continue to get to know you. 2)He keeps apologizing because he feels guilty and wants to have an free conscience , knowing that he hasn't hurt your feelings. I'VE done it a few time and I've have it done to me.. I've had guys tell me that they would still like to remain friends after 'letting me down' ... blah blah blah.. but I of course don't see the reasoning for being friends. 3) its a good thing that he was honest with you about getting back with his ex. 4) I think he contradicted himself because he is probaly in one of those relationships where they figure they can't get along with each other when they are together but miss each other whn apart. By him saying thay he owes it to her , it doesn't really sound like he is excited about getting back with her and is only doing it out of pity.. which brings me back to point 1 I am sure that his relationship will not last and he's going to call again.. I guess I could look at it this way. I just hate feeling like a fool....
Alma Mobley Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Sorry but it looks as though he's not that interested, and yes, he may keep you on the "back burner." Is that what you want?
Author NewEnglandGirl Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 I really have some mixed emotions about how I handled this situation. I feel good about the fact that I won't be his "side" girl. But maybe I was too hard on him? Maybe I should have said I would be ok with being friends?
amaysngrace Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I really have some mixed emotions about how I handled this situation. I feel good about the fact that I won't be his "side" girl. But maybe I was too hard on him? Maybe I should have said I would be ok with being friends? No you did the right thing. You said you won't be friends with someone who has a girlfriend. He probably respects that about you. If he is to ever become your boyfriend you've already set the tone. Stick with it. If anyone should feel bad it is him for lacking a backbone to his exGF and caving in. You haven't done anything wrong. Please don't start now.
Author NewEnglandGirl Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 No you did the right thing. You said you won't be friends with someone who has a girlfriend. He probably respects that about you. If he is to ever become your boyfriend you've already set the tone. Stick with it. If anyone should feel bad it is him for lacking a backbone to his exGF and caving in. You haven't done anything wrong. Please don't start now. He made it sound like he was going back to her because she can't live without him. It didn't seem to be because he loved her, he said he "owed it to her" to make it work. If he is only going to be with her out of pity, I don't think it will last.
Author NewEnglandGirl Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 I think you handled it beautifully. And you sound to me, like you have a top notch head on your shoulders. This guy WILL contact you again. No doubt. Don't fall for it. haha. I seriously doubt you will. Thanks, I will try not too fall for it......
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