punkygirl Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Do you think a married man can be friends with a single girl that is not friend with the wife? What about a married woman who is friends with a single guy who is not friends with the husband?
Geishawhelk Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Do you think a married man can be friends with a single girl that is not friend with the wife? What about a married woman who is friends with a single guy who is not friends with the husband? Friends? of course. it only becomes a problem when the married person doesn't want their spouse to know. Then it's not advisable.
mc1 Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 My H and i both have friends of the opposite sex that the other person isn't necessary friends with. The problem is when you try to hide anything about what goes on between you and that friend OR if you start to rely on that friend instead of your spouse your your needs.
Green Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Sure I think its posible not necesarily apropriate though. Like if your just friends during the work day getting lunch and stuff during the break thats one thing maybe, but if your going out to eat dinners or going to movies togather or just hanging out alone togather well thats just not cool
Dexter Morgan Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Do you think a married man can be friends with a single girl that is not friend with the wife? What about a married woman who is friends with a single guy who is not friends with the husband? casual friends that say hi and bye, speak when spoken to.....yes. the kind of friends that hang out and go on dinner dates and to the movies...etc....that would be a no and no.
pparrott Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 As long as the spouse is friends too ~ I agree. But there should be no hanging out alone with someone of the opposite sex. I have lots of guy friends - but they are also friends with my husband & we don't hang out unless we are all together. My husband on the other hand has lots of female "younger friends" & I don't know half of them. NOT FAIR? I agree......he sees no issue with it & thinks it's innocent.
Geishawhelk Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Yes, but at least you know he has them. It's when the spouse is unaware, and the partner wants to keep it 'secret', that it really all blows out of the water.....!
Adunaphel Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Do you think a married man can be friends with a single girl that is not friend with the wife? What about a married woman who is friends with a single guy who is not friends with the husband? I think it depends on the situation, and on the people involved. If they are old time friends, they respect the relationship, the H/W does not feel threatened or bothered and is not being hidden anything, they have not met the H/W yet but it is just a matter of time before they do or of the H/W not being interested, it is fine. Personally I am very against making new friends of the opposite sex when you are in a relationship... unless they are 'friends of the couple'.
Treasa Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I have a friend at work who is married. I have a boyfriend, but am not married. My work friend and I occasionally will go somewhere together on lunch, like Whole Foods or something. His wife knows about me (met me once when she worked here) and is fine with me. However, I almost like HER more than HIM. She's always making him really awesome food, and since she and I are both vegetarians, sometimes he'll bring me a small piece or something to try. I'm always telling him I'm gonna steal her away from him. Hehe.
Author punkygirl Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 Personally I am very against making new friends of the opposite sex when you are in a relationship... unless they are 'friends of the couple'. I think you hit the nail on the head there...Now is this cause we have been burned in the past? Are we cynical about it? I would like to believe this is a world where men and woman dont have to take it to th next level and can just be friends but so far it has only been proven otherwise.
Geishawhelk Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Punky, vis-a-vis your other thread, it wouldn't matter whether you knew her personally, in this case, or just knew about her. Either way, if you're insecure in the marriage, however casual or innocent a friendship, it's going to rock your foundations. Especially if they were rocky to begin with. And yours were. You just didn't realise they were. Or if you did, you couldn't see to what extent. let's face it, there have been trust issues in your marriage for the past nine-and-a-half years. It's been nearly a decade since you last trusted your husband completely, even though you made herculean efforts to demonstrate Trust. He's betrayed that trust and the confidence you decided to have in him. Let's admit it: He had an EA, but even then it's questionable, because it seems he just wasn't aware of how interested this girl was in him. The moment she declared an interest greater than 'just friends', he shut it down. Now, as I said previously - he was either completely dense and thick to just not see the signals, or his flattered Ego purposely ignored them, because he quite enjoyed the flattering attention. Now listen up: The bottom line is - For infidelity to occur in a Relationship, there has to be an existing problem. Ands before I go any further - this is NOT about blame. But I would surmise that the two of you have been leading parallel lives, and maybe not communicating as effectively as you could. I suggested MC, in your other thread. I still do. because I think that it's time for the two of you to face up to the issues which have collectively blighted your relationship. It's time for the both of you to take ownership of these issues, together, and if you both value one another enough, it's time to cut the cr*a*p and start working together, pulling together and sorting it out. Together.
Author punkygirl Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 Punky, vis-a-vis your other thread, it wouldn't matter whether you knew her personally, in this case, or just knew about her. Either way, if you're insecure in the marriage, however casual or innocent a friendship, it's going to rock your foundations. Especially if they were rocky to begin with. And yours were. You just didn't realise they were. Or if you did, you couldn't see to what extent. let's face it, there have been trust issues in your marriage for the past nine-and-a-half years. It's been nearly a decade since you last trusted your husband completely, even though you made herculean efforts to demonstrate Trust. He's betrayed that trust and the confidence you decided to have in him. Let's admit it: He had an EA, but even then it's questionable, because it seems he just wasn't aware of how interested this girl was in him. The moment she declared an interest greater than 'just friends', he shut it down. Now, as I said previously - he was either completely dense and thick to just not see the signals, or his flattered Ego purposely ignored them, because he quite enjoyed the flattering attention. Now listen up: The bottom line is - For infidelity to occur in a Relationship, there has to be an existing problem. Ands before I go any further - this is NOT about blame. But I would surmise that the two of you have been leading parallel lives, and maybe not communicating as effectively as you could. I suggested MC, in your other thread. I still do. because I think that it's time for the two of you to face up to the issues which have collectively blighted your relationship. It's time for the both of you to take ownership of these issues, together, and if you both value one another enough, it's time to cut the cr*a*p and start working together, pulling together and sorting it out. Together. All I can say is thank you...sometimes we really need an outside voice...your post just kind of awakened me to it...and we have our first MC next week.
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 I replied on your other thread, but I'll reply here as well.. Your husband is the one who needs to earn your love, trust and faith again, not the other way around. You FORGAVE him for having an affair with your bestfriend. You're special and kind hearted to give him another chance..Fact that he chose to keep another woman as a friend secret, talked to her, did emails with her, gave her an Xmas present and not tell you until you put two and two together, just shows how selfish he was acting in the recent past. He KNEW you wouldn't approve of their friendship which is why he kept it quiet. He knew he would have to explain and defend himself, their friendship to you, again which is why he kept it quiet and hidden. I hope MC goes well and I hope he figures out why he's seeking attention outside of the marriage. This isn't your fault so don't blame yourself. He is broken inside and needs a big smack across the side of the head, otherwise he may very well lose you for good if he doesn't shape up.
Lizzie60 Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Do you think a married man can be friends with a single girl that is not friend with the wife? What about a married woman who is friends with a single guy who is not friends with the husband? Yes.. if this 'frienship' is known by the SO.. otherwise .. no it's not possible.. and even if it's known by the SO.. it's still a very 'slippery slope'..
kakui215 Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I used to say, "Sure!" -- but that was before a friendship my wife had with a male colleague changed into one where she didn't have time to talk with me but was secretly talking with him by email and phone and where they eventually started making plans to go to a motel together when he was visiting. (I accidentally stumbled across those plans before the planned meeting.) Of course, there were many other issues going on between the 2 of us, but I can also see how a mere friendship can easily fall into something else, something that neither of you had planned, even when all seems to be going well in your marriage. And if you friendship is continuing while you're in one of those rough spots that all married people go through at one time or another, then the friendship itself can become a danger. I would also keep in mind that even strictly platonic friendships with (heterosexual) people of the same sex can damage a marriage if they interfere with the level of intimacy between the husband and wife.
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