AlektraClementine Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 What if your SO is already fat? I don't mind it at all. In fact, after all these years dating lean men I think I have discovered a serious attraction to "huskier" men. My SO has a Tony Sopranoesque build. I absolutely love it. But we all have standards... if he were to start acting like a douche bag, I could see implementing a DB tax. ha.
Author LoveLace Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 I personally think that this is unforgivable (both for men and for women). While nobody can control their facial features etc. almost everybody can control if they get fat or not - if they wanted to. Getting fat is a sign of huge disrespect both for yourself and for your partner. ("If you really love me, this wouldn't matter" - puleeaze!). There should be a fat tax and fat police . While other aspects of attraction are debatable and subjective, fatness - at least for me - is not. Per the OP's concern that's the only physical attribute that would make me automatically dismiss the possibility of a relationship. Everything else i learn to like and love more and more over time. Sad part here is that some women appear to be permanently damaged phsyically after having children....they might lose most of the weight but some of them just never lose the flabby extra pounds no matter what they do...and it permanently hurts their sexual relationship, and the relationship itself ultimately. Same can be said for the men who suddenly get uncontrollable weight gain and belly fat as they age...however they can help this more than the women who had kids because they tell me that no matter how many crunches they do, the belly flab doesn't go away... But that's a whole other thread...
movingonandon Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I'm trying to convey that this thread is in regards to the holistic attraction...it's just that physical always comes into play before the rest. Sure, that's the first thing you see, but it's probably wise to withold conclusion for at least several weeks. You already saw many replies that suggest that people tylically get surprised, and I also did not mention that this also applies to my current girlfriend - I would have passed her by on the street, it took me 5 dates and 2-3 you-know-whats before it begun to sink in that she's super cute and hott
movingonandon Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 What if your SO is already fat? I don't mind it at all. In fact, after all these years dating lean men I think I have discovered a serious attraction to "huskier" men. My SO has a Tony Sopranoesque build. I absolutely love it. But we all have standards... if he were to start acting like a douche bag, I could see implementing a DB tax. ha. There is an important grey area here that's not to be underestimated . I'm not saying that everybody should be ripped and model-like, I was just ranting against the "completely-letting-myself-go-eating-a-gallon-of-icecream-on-the-couch-in-my-stained-sweatpants" situation (sadly, a very common one). Although I still prefer girls built like young boys, I readily acknowledge that some girls with approrpiate build/attitude are very attractive even with a few extra pounds. the key here is not to be disfigured by fat. Nobody in their right mind will mind some even, overall softness :love: As for the tony soprano look, two words: super tough; how can you not love that ???
Author LoveLace Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 Sure, that's the first thing you see, but it's probably wise to withold conclusion for at least several weeks. You already saw many replies that suggest that people tylically get surprised, and I also did not mention that this also applies to my current girlfriend - I would have passed her by on the street, it took me 5 dates and 2-3 you-know-whats before it begun to sink in that she's super cute and hott Right and I'm perfectly always willing to do the same for guys that want to date me. But no guy even asks me out on 1 date in the 1st place unless he at least thinks I'm pretty attractive already. If they would do for me what you did for your GF, I probably wouldn't be lonely
movingonandon Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Sad part here is that some women appear to be permanently damaged phsyically after having children....they might lose most of the weight but some of them just never lose the flabby extra pounds no matter what they do...and it permanently hurts their sexual relationship, and the relationship itself ultimately. Same can be said for the men who suddenly get uncontrollable weight gain and belly fat as they age...however they can help this more than the women who had kids because they tell me that no matter how many crunches they do, the belly flab doesn't go away... But that's a whole other thread... If that's true, that's indeed scary, but big part of this still relates to discipline: there is no credible biological reason to get *fat* while pregnant these days --> the baby does not require increasing your food intake (at least certainly not "eating for two" ). I know women who knowingly used the pregnancy as an excuse to binge on food; it ain't cute at all .
Author LoveLace Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 If that's true, that's indeed scary, but big part of this still relates to discipline: there is no credible biological reason to get *fat* while pregnant these days --> the baby does not require increasing your food intake (at least certainly not "eating for two" ). I know women who knowingly used the pregnancy as an excuse to binge on food; it ain't cute at all . Actually being pregnant DOES require increasing food intake. It's just that some women abuse it. It also DOES require gaining adequate weight because if she doesn't, then the baby won't. There are women who do not use it as an "excuse" and still gain a considerable amount of weight to the point where it's too hard to lose later. It all depends on a person's metabolism, age, etc. I did my OB rotation in nursing school, and trust me it isn't as though women WANT to remain overweight after pregnancy, it can not be avoided in most circumstances.
Illiandra Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 doesnt matter what size you are,,, ima size 4 and sometimes i just wish that the guys who were interested in me were interested in ME and not just look at me as some freaking arm candy,,,,the HOT guys usually are tools,,, and the cute guys are the ones who sometimes have potential along with the average joe guy,,,,i dated a guy for 4 yrs and everyone asked what i saw him and said that i can do better on a physicial (looks) level, yet his personality and everything else is what attracted me to him,,, on the other hand the HOT guys may have that rawr intial come jump at me spark,,, but that fades after you realize that they look at themselves in the mirror longer then you do....guess you have to find the guy that gives you some spark and see where it goes!
Krytie TV Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I just wonder, being single and seeking a relationship, will I need that "must have you now" feeling most of the time in order to be happy with the physical part of the relationship? I have found that my best relationships were not based on immediate hot attraction. Not to say they were not pretty, but just not in a "I want to attack you now" way. However, in many cases, that feeling did develop in time.
Author LoveLace Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 I have found that my best relationships were not based on immediate hot attraction. Not to say they were not pretty, but just not in a "I want to attack you now" way. However, in many cases, that feeling did develop in time. Some people do experience this immediately and thereafter, while others here have said it took time to feel very attracted. What I'm discussing here is the level of attraction, as opposed to when you feel it. That feeling you can't keep your hands off each other...this is what clearly shows that strong feelings are evenly mutual for each other. I've only felt this a couple of times in my 32 yrs. of life. I've never shared that same-leveled, strong attraction with any other of the 100's of guys I've met, known, or liked, etc. (100's is an exagerration, of course...) Yet it appears to come so easily for so many around me.
movingonandon Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Some people do experience this immediately and thereafter, while others here have said it took time to feel very attracted. What I'm discussing here is the level of attraction, as opposed to when you feel it. That feeling you can't keep your hands off each other...this is what clearly shows that strong feelings are evenly mutual for each other. I've only felt this a couple of times in my 32 yrs. of life. I've never shared that same-leveled, strong attraction with any other of the 100's of guys I've met, known, or liked, etc. (100's is an exagerration, of course...) Yet it appears to come so easily for so many around me. Well, if so, you might have some hangups (and i mean it in non-judgemental way). Have you though that maybe, for some reason, you're the one that is putting the breaks on yourself, to get really attracted to someone? Because that's big part of the chemistry - not so much how "objectively" hot somebody is, but how comfortable and non-self conscious you feel to get totally naughty and geet it oN :lmao:
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 And you know what? As much as I really liked that constant hormonal passion from the past, this kind feels so much better... because it comes from a different place. Somewhere deep inside my heart and soul, not just my loins. StarGazer... While it's new to you now... in 10 years your feelings will have changed, and you will want that instant chemistry again. I know because if things were working correctly you would have both right now. The only difference between your attraction to this guy and the last should be that he is quality. LoveLace... your just insecure, and your looking for some "Hot" guy to fix that. Guess what... even if you had one... it won't fix what's broken inside you. It will only provide a temporary patch. Isolde... You are crazy and broken too. It's really not hard to figure out what the issue is. This whole topic is so messed up. I'd rather a woman just tell me no... that I'm not attractive enough, than to date me anyway and "hope" that magical fairy dust will make me look better.
Star Gazer Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 StarGazer... While it's new to you now... in 10 years your feelings will have changed, and you will want that instant chemistry again. I know because if things were working correctly you would have both right now. The only difference between your attraction to this guy and the last should be that he is quality. You "know"? And you assume that things are not "working correctly" right now? (1) Who's to say things are NOT "working correcty" right now? You? Pffft. I assure you, they are working juuuuust fine. (2) Don't tell me what I should and should not be attracted to. Why would I want that "instant chemistry" again when I have that chemistry now, and will continue to have it so long as our relationship endures? Silly.
Star Gazer Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Some people do experience this immediately and thereafter, while others here have said it took time to feel very attracted. What I'm discussing here is the level of attraction, as opposed to when you feel it. Oh, I thought you were talking about WHEN you feel it, because you were talking about how you don't feel it in the first date or so. I'm VERY attracted to my BF , it just took more than a date or two to get there. In fact, I feel it more for him every single day.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Why would I want that "instant chemistry" again when I have that chemistry now, and will continue to have it so long as our relationship endures? Silly. There are different types of chemistry. The more you have with one person the better things will be. You have that comfortable... he treats me well... chemistry. It fades in time. I doubt you have that sexual chemistry, because in your original statement the things that turned you on are ALL related to things he does. I do know all about this type of relationship.
4givrnt4gtr Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 can i chime in on this one?? When I first met the guy Im dating right now I wasnt all that "OMG you are too hot for life" about him. Sure i thought he was adorable, with his blue eyes and messy curly hair...but nothing to write home about. Four years later we met again, the curls were gone and in general I didnt find him specially attractive. However, his persistence made me give him a chance...and now I cant keep my hands off of him. Its kinda crazy how it just build up. One day I noticed how beautiful his smile was, then how sparkly his eyes got when he laughed, how nice he smells (not cologne..just him). It was over for me then.... Now I can honestly say he is the hottest thing in life. On top of sweet quirky and adorable. Too bad circumstances are making life hard at the moment, but if those things werent a problem, Id be in cloud 9 right now So bassically, I think if there is at least a minimal amount of attraction at the begining, and the person makes it better with personality and how they treat you in general, the attraction can go thru the roof....
Star Gazer Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 You have that comfortable... he treats me well... chemistry. It fades in time. You're not in my relationship, you have no idea what I feel for him. So please don't act as though you know how I feel. We share much, much more than that. I doubt you have that sexual chemistry, because in your original statement the things that turned you on are ALL related to things he does. Not at all true. Did you see where I mention just the fact that his hair curls up when wet from skiing (or a run, or a shower, for that matter!) turns me on and makes me want to rip his clothes off? That said, yes, so long as he continues to do what he does (which DOES include the way he kisses and touches me, and pleases me in bed) and just be who he is, I assure you I'll continue to be madly attracted to him. Don't try to poo poo my affection just because you aren't lucky enough to have what I do.
Trialbyfire Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Anything can die over time, if it's not being fueled properly. This includes the big bang chemistry or the slow burn. Once the two parties stop romancing each other, whether it's through sexual energy or just sweet gestures of love and affection, love dies.
Shygirl15 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I agree. The question is, why all this affection and chemistry that all of us here claim to have for our SOs dies almost immediately after we say "I Do"?
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 You're not in my relationship, you have no idea what I feel for him. So please don't act as though you know how I feel. We share much, much more than that. Not at all true. Did you see where I mention just the fact that his hair curls up when wet from skiing (or a run, or a shower, for that matter!) turns me on and makes me want to rip his clothes off? That said, yes, so long as he continues to do what he does (which DOES include the way he kisses and touches me, and pleases me in bed) and just be who he is, I assure you I'll continue to be madly attracted to him. Don't try to poo poo my affection just because you aren't lucky enough to have what I do. Whatever. Now your just going to talk a good talk to prove me wrong. When your relationship starts to crash and burn just entitle your thread UF Help!! I promise not to do the "I told you so" thing.
xjadex Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I wasn't immediatley attracted to my ex, the attraction grew. The guy I'm with now, it was instant....couldn't keep my hands off him ..pmsl
BubblyPopcorn Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I'm so attracted to the girl I'm dating right now it was instant attraction from the moment I saw her and I just wanted to rip all her clothes off. I kinda lost controll and just started touching her, in fact I technicaly did rip all her clothes off on the first date lol. I can barely get all my sht done anymore because of all the sex we have every day its crazy OMG that post made me laugh.
Star Gazer Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I agree. The question is, why all this affection and chemistry that all of us here claim to have for our SOs dies almost immediately after we say "I Do"? My guess is that, like TBF said, one or both partners stop putting in the romantic effort necessary for the relationship to thrive and the attraction to continue.
Star Gazer Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Whatever. Now your just going to talk a good talk to prove me wrong. When your relationship starts to crash and burn just entitle your thread UF Help!! I promise not to do the "I told you so" thing. Not going to happen. Sorry, kiddo.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 My guess is that, like TBF said, one or both partners stop putting in the romantic effort necessary for the relationship to thrive and the attraction to continue. My point. If attraction requires effort... it's not attraction. Your love is bought and paid for by attention and affirmation. Take that away and you have nothing but memories.
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