RRyan65 Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I don't, actually I like my size, but it appears the men I am most attracted to, are only attracted to whatever it is they consider is more attractive than me....size is just an example... If you want the hot guy with the charming personality and hot body, you best give back what you're getting. I'm pretty sure you have a great personality with guys you are attracted to, but if you don't invest in your physical appearance, your plight is only going to get harder. If a guy is good looking and charming, he's a friggin' catch, and you best believe he has many options. Trust me, there are plenty of woman out there who are stunning on the inside and out. If you can't compete, get out of the way. I'm not being a dick, but I sure as hell know what it's like to be on both ends. I know what it's like to be the dateless kid in highschool who didn't get a second look from any girl. I was always clever and smart, but physically I was awkward, so I know what initially people are attracted to. But, even at that ugly stage, I still fantasized about being with super hot chicks which I considered out of my league. Plus, I always found less than average chicks unattractive. So, what was I to do? Change my outer appearance. Now, I cannot get enough attention from the opposite sex. Now I'm given the chance to let them see who I am on the inside also. This is how the mating dance works. If you want hotties with brains, you have to be part of the group. And many people might consider good-looking people shallow or somehow inhuman, but like I said, I know how it is on both sides, and good-looking people aren't shallow around other good-looking people, so what do they care what trolls think? This issue is of much importance to me, because there aren't only two classes of people; the ugly ones and the good-looking ones. It's a whole lot more linear than that. On a scale from 1 to 6 billion, technically and quite subjectively you could give each person a numbered place. As you climb the ranks and become better looking, you realize that those a-hole people who were once "out-of-your-league" physically, are now beneath you. So now, they're part of what you'd consider "less-than-average", making them ugly little a-holes who aren't worth your time. Basically what this means is that most everyone is shallow relative to those beneath them. So even those people on the forum who say looks do not matter, MOST DEFINITELY have their own cut-off point with people, where even the best personality would not give them a shot.
Green Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I'm so attracted to the girl I'm dating right now it was instant attraction from the moment I saw her and I just wanted to rip all her clothes off. I kinda lost controll and just started touching her, in fact I technicaly did rip all her clothes off on the first date lol. I can barely get all my sht done anymore because of all the sex we have every day its crazy
AlektraClementine Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I met my guy through mutual friends. I knew of him for quite some time. He's a bit overweight and very scruffy. "Not my type" was my first reaction. The more I got to know of him, I learned that every person we knew mutually had the utmost respect for him. I never heard a cross word said about him. In fact, it was stuff like "Oh *****? He's such a wonderful person. Really genuine". I grew more and more curious about him and finally asked him out on a date. I took a chance on asking someone out that had wonderful character references. Looks be damned. Each date we had drew me in further. And my attraction has grown to immeasurable amounts since then. The sexual chemistry is off the charts. But the emotional chemistry is what has connected us. The two go hand in hand sometimes and sometimes they are completely separate. I can still look at a hot guy and take notice of his hotness. But that just seems to pale in comparison to everything my guy has going for him.
Woggle Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I'm very attracted to her and I would say that only maybe 30% of it is looks. She is gorgeous but she is also one of the most intelligent, deepest and most caring people I have met. We have conversations about anything and enjoy almost anything together. Despite the age difference she is everything I have ever wanted in a woman.
amaysngrace Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 And you know what? As much as I really liked that constant hormonal passion from the past, this kind feels so much better... because it comes from a different place. Somewhere deep inside my heart and soul, not just my loins. I soooo love reading this!
Still Trying Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 My problem is that I get blinded initially by a lot of different factors - I've always been attracted to girls with unconventional good looks (might be a nice way of saying average I guess), maybe that's a way for me to always be the attractive one in the relationship? The problem I've had in almost all of my relationships is that the initial attraction fades and I'm left feeling really shallow because I'm not physically interested in my mate any longer. That's a really tough space to be in, even if you're there in spirit it's really hard to fake passion. I'm beginning to think that way about my current GF too. She's pretty fit but honestly I'm always drawn to either skinny or fit girls. I like her extra little areas now but I know I wouldn't be into her gaining any more weight. I'm very active and I've heard her say things like how she doesn't understand athletes sometimes - that's a touch scary. I've been around other GFs who've let themselves go, it's sad when there's no spark left in the relationship especially if you love them. I think the lack of serious dating prospects in my town also forces me to look at people that I might not be that interested in. Tough to say, but I feel like I've been forced to lower my physical standards just a little. Feels shallow saying things like this but I suppose we all need that spark. Hm. My current GF and I were both attracted to each other at first. I remember meeting her at a drunken party, I remembered her, she didn't remember me - then again I would see her at mutual friends houses from time to time, we always would talk and I found her cute but tbh I think I was always hitting on one of her friends or other girls. It wasn't until we really got the chance to sit down and talk for a little bit that I gave her my number. She is older than me and that had a lot to do with being attracted to her as well, there's something about cracking an older woman that I just love. While on our first date it was obvious that there was some extreme chemistry going on - that's when I knew that I was going to sleep with her and that it would be good. Now I'm just hoping that that will hold!
Isolde Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 StillTrying, you do make a good point. I think most people are best off with a partner of similar attractiveness to them. On the other hand, I do know people who are with someone significantly more or less attractive than they are and the attraction never wore off.
Star Gazer Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I soooo love reading this! I sooooo loved saying it.
Star Gazer Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 If you want the hot guy with the charming personality and hot body, you best give back what you're getting. Ridiculous! If a guy is good looking and charming, he's a friggin' catch.... You're sorely mistaken if you think THAT is what constitutes a "catch." Pfffft.
Author LoveLace Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 Nice insight from everyone. What appears to be a problem for me isn't based on looks alone...it's defiinitely based on the personality too...the problem is that most guys in my life, weather they are average or above-average, what have you, the level of attraction (based on looks and etc.) is never at the same level, leading to someone (me or him) feeling disappointed in the end.... An example is meeting a pretty hot guy a few weeks ago that turned out to actually be a tad bit creepy to me...disappointed. Another example is giving it a shot with Joe Schmo even though he's just okay-looking...then he turns out to either be a huge jerk or just plain boring....disappointed. On the other hand, I'm sure guys are the disappointed ones with me at times, for various reasons, whatever the reason is between looks or personality, it puts a dent in attraction level and there goes the prospect. The guys that might look at me and think, "Oh she's sooo hot"....they are always the ones that might have a good personality, but looks-wise, I think EW, no way!! I can't help it if I can't picture myself getting hot and heavy with the cross-eyed dude. The men that I think "Oh, he's sooo hot" - are the ones who just go for gals that are more petite or blond or whatever their standards may be. They cant' change whatever attracts them most, anymore than I can change whatever attracts me most as well. And I certainly can't make myself petite and blond (tried the blond thing once, it wasn't for me!)...and the cross-eyed guy can't do anything to make me more attracted to him, either. I've been called "cute" a LOT by guys, and get told how "cool" I am by guys, but it always puts me in the friend zone category before the "I must have her" category....BUT if I also think a guy is "cute" and "cool" - to me that's a potential BF (granted everything else about him is acceptable - decent job and mentality, etc.). On those grounds, I'm not going to continuously think there must be something better. But for whatever reason, cute and cool isn't enough for guys to consider more than friendship or FWB with me. Being cute is a compliment and I agree with it, but I can't make myself drop dead hot anymore than I already put effort into...I dress nice, wear make up, keep my hair nice looking, I get told how beautiful my eyes are, and I'm average-sized and curvy...I don't feel nor have I been told that I should modify anything about either my looks or personality - yet it's never effective in trying to get to know a guy that I'm strongly attracted to (in looks and/or personality). I am not "fat" by any means but if I"m in a room full of really skinny gals, I will certainly look fat next to them, so as long as that's there for guys to see, he'll do no more than B.S. with me with no intentions what so ever to consider me GF material. I'll become just the cute and cool chick there. What am i supposed to do then, try and proove how much cooler I am than the rest and look like a desperate fool? Of course not. A guy will only get to know me if he's attracted enough to do it and I can't control that...
Isolde Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I'm better looking than I was in freshman year of college and I feel like I have fewer options now. I still feel like everyone I consider attractive is out of my league. Cute guys (the charming and smart ones) want typical girls and I'm not typical. I don't have a low self esteem either, if anything I am too entitled. I think I should have a great boyfriend and lots of great sex. I mean, I think everyone should have that
Author LoveLace Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 what makes you think you're just average? I consider myself "average" most of the time based on the fact that I've dated some of what I'd consider above-average guys but mostly guys that I'd consider average....so I actually think I'm somewhere between average and above-average...besides I don't think anything's wrong with "average" as a self-perspective because he((, it's better than thinking you are repulsive and I certainly don't think that...
Author LoveLace Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 I'm better looking than I was in freshman year of college and I feel like I have fewer options now. I still feel like everyone I consider attractive is out of my league. Cute guys (the charming and smart ones) want typical girls and I'm not typical. I don't have a low self esteem either, if anything I am too entitled. I think I should have a great boyfriend and lots of great sex. I mean, I think everyone should have that I feel exactly the same way...I actually think I get better looking with age and I've been told that I do, but dating is harder to achieve than it's ever been...probably because the older we get, the more we know what we want, therefore the pickier we have to be, narrowing the pool down..
Star Gazer Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 In college, you're SURROUNDED by horny guys. Of course it's easier to date then. Once you're out, it's not that you have fewer options, become less attractive, etc., it's just more difficult to meet people. I am almost always referred to as "cute," as well. However, I get complimented on my sense of humor and intelligence even more often than I get complimented on my appearance. I prefer it that way, actually.
Isolde Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 In college, you're SURROUNDED by horny guys. Of course it's easier to date then. Once you're out, it's not that you have fewer options, become less attractive, etc., it's just more difficult to meet people. I am almost always referred to as "cute," as well. However, I get complimented on my sense of humor and intelligence even more often than I get complimented on my appearance. I prefer it that way, actually. I didn't even date much in college at all, that's the pathetic thing. I didn't have any boyfriends, not even a 1 month BF or anything like that. I only had a casual fling or two that clearly weren't romantic dating. The point is that I know I'm attractive, but I still feel like guys I find attractive wield way too much power over me. In essence it's similar to the OP's problem.
Author LoveLace Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 In college, you're SURROUNDED by horny guys. Of course it's easier to date then. Once you're out, it's not that you have fewer options, become less attractive, etc., it's just more difficult to meet people. I am almost always referred to as "cute," as well. However, I get complimented on my sense of humor and intelligence even more often than I get complimented on my appearance. I prefer it that way, actually. That's right. And I get complimented a lot just because I'm in nursing school people are soo impressed by that, as though I'm a genius and I'm not but whatever....and I get complimented on my laid back attitude just as much as being told I'm cute....so again there's just no reason why I can't have the kind of attraction that I want but I feel completely helpless about it....I get out there and let my outgoing self meet all the people I possibly can but that's about all I can do, when it's not effective then it's out of my control.
Isolde Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Exactly, I'm friendly generally but I can't approach guys I find cute for specific purposes of dating because I can always sense in the air that they are not interested.
Author LoveLace Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 I didn't even date much in college at all, that's the pathetic thing. I didn't have any boyfriends, not even a 1 month BF or anything like that. I only had a casual fling or two that clearly weren't romantic dating. The point is that I know I'm attractive, but I still feel like guys I find attractive wield way too much power over me. In essence it's similar to the OP's problem. Same here, actually...only short flings in college. And I know exactly what you mean about the power...for sure...
Author LoveLace Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 Let's talk about that Isolde.... Why is it that when we feel attracted to them, we instantly feel that they have power superior to our own? How can we change this? Pretend they are ugly? lol
Isolde Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Let's talk about that Isolde.... Why is it that when we feel attracted to them, we instantly feel that they have power superior to our own? How can we change this? Pretend they are ugly? lol It's fear of rejection due to past experiences of not being found attractive back. I know that part, I just don't know the solution. I don't want to be overconfident, you know?
movingonandon Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Instant "chemistry" is overrated (pause to thank the porn/adult industry for their important contribution in debunking the importance of instant attraction). So, the point is that even if there is such attractoin, it *will* fade over time. So it is unproductive to dwell on this. As for what constitutes "attractive", most guys' requirements are pretty simple: any healthy girl of childdbearing age that is not overweight or disfigured in some other way (fat, scars, unfortunately sized limbs/facial features). Attitude and personality is a big part of the attraction (do you want to cuddle and rent movies with the ice cold perfect 10 or with the sweet and kind 6?). So, you're doing yourself a disservise if you compartmentalise physical attributes. Attractiveness is a holistic concept. even the most attractive people have some awkward attribute that could be interpreted as a turnoff if considered in isolation.
Author LoveLace Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 It's fear of rejection due to past experiences of not being found attractive back. I know that part, I just don't know the solution. I don't want to be overconfident, you know? Exactly...feeling very confident and letting that show has been known to be a train wreck. But for the sake of trying not to appear cocky, that doesn't seem to draw them in either. Nor does "just being myself", which is confident....
movingonandon Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I've been around other GFs who've let themselves go, it's sad when there's no spark left in the relationship especially if you love them. I personally think that this is unforgivable (both for men and for women). While nobody can control their facial features etc. almost everybody can control if they get fat or not - if they wanted to. Getting fat is a sign of huge disrespect both for yourself and for your partner. ("If you really love me, this wouldn't matter" - puleeaze!). There should be a fat tax and fat police . While other aspects of attraction are debatable and subjective, fatness - at least for me - is not. Per the OP's concern that's the only physical attribute that would make me automatically dismiss the possibility of a relationship. Everything else i learn to like and love more and more over time.
Author LoveLace Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 Instant "chemistry" is overrated (pause to thank the porn/adult industry for their important contribution in debunking the importance of instant attraction). So, the point is that even if there is such attractoin, it *will* fade over time. So it is unproductive to dwell on this. As for what constitutes "attractive", most guys' requirements are pretty simple: any healthy girl of childdbearing age that is not overweight or disfigured in some other way (fat, scars, unfortunately sized limbs/facial features). Attitude and personality is a big part of the attraction (do you want to cuddle and rent movies with the ice cold perfect 10 or with the sweet and kind 6?). So, you're doing yourself a disservise if you compartmentalise physical attributes. Attractiveness is a holistic concept. even the most attractive people have some awkward attribute that could be interpreted as a turnoff if considered in isolation. I'm trying to convey that this thread is in regards to the holistic attraction...it's just that physical always comes into play before the rest.
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