V.Vixen Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I really think i may never have a boyfriend again. Everyone I know is able to find a significant other in reasonable time. I am starting to really wonder what the hell my deal is. i MUST be too picky, either that or I am missing something big about myself that repels GOOD men. I am confident, and have been oh-so patient while dating casually. I haven't had a real relationship in 3 years. What gives?
Author V.Vixen Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 Also, please know that I am not feeling like a relationship is a NEED, but I do want it. I think it is normal for a human being to want that. I am trying to be patient and go on with my day to day life, continue dating, but I get so frustrated. I never thought just having a boyfriend that I really want to be with would be so difficult.
Ramrod Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Hey fellow Jersey dweller! Or should I say f***ing A! Don't sweat it. I have a laundry list of problems, both physical and mental, I routinely engage in self-sabatoge, I am middle-aged but emotionally immature, I have more insecurites than teenager and I still find myself, finding women to be in relationships. These thing happen when you least expect them to happen sometimes with the people you least expect them to happen with. Now, your very pretty lady, what part of Jersey did you say you are in?
Isolde Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 There is definitely a correlation between being picky and longer time spent searching. It's up to you to decide what your limits are. Yes, there will always be an equally picky friend who finds a relationship within 6 months of their last breakup but that's just luck.
D-Lish Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 You just have to trust that it will happen when it will happen... What avenues are you going about to meet men? bars? online dating? through friends? Trust me- it's so much better to be alone than to settle for second best. I feel the same way, that I'll never meet anyone- but I won't settle. How was Florida?
Author V.Vixen Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 I truly feel as though I have taken al available avenues. I have been doing online for a long time. I have met guys at work (bad!). I have een hooked up through friends. I met guys at bars/clubs. I am moving to a new place in a few months, and hoping to get involved in some new things that interest me then, and maybe i will meet a nice man then.. I just find it to be very frustrating. When I was younger I never imagined I would have to this problem.
Surfer Dude Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Do you consistently reject men who approach you? Because I know a lot of girls who constantly bitch how they're single and can't find a "perfect boyfriend", and yet shoot down any and all guys who might try to get to know them.
movingonandon Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 There is definitely a correlation between being picky and longer time spent searching. It's up to you to decide what your limits are. Yes, there will always be an equally picky friend who finds a relationship within 6 months of their last breakup but that's just luck. That's probably the biggest reason. Of course, nobody should "settle" in a sense to be with a person they don't like, but the older I get, the more i find that people often have unreasonable, unrealistic, and most importantly - *unnecessary* expectations, in a sense that we often dwell on things that while desirable, are not essential for a good relationship. In my case, one such requirement is (was) intelligence. For the longest time I thought that the girl I'm with must be intelligent (after all, both my circle and my profession would pretty much assume that). Well, guess what - my current girlfriend is super-silly, and this does nothing to turn me off - shje's still a pleasure to hang out with. Also, if I recall, you're mid-twenties or something. I'd recommend focusing your attention on guys 30+. As unfortunate as it is, most guys in your age group are still boneheads.
movingonandon Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I have a laundry list of problems, both physical and mental, I routinely engage in self-sabatoge, I am middle-aged but emotionally immature, I have more insecurites than teenager and I still find myself, finding women to be in relationships. "I've got it all!" (Don't know if that was an accident, but is definitely reminiscent of one of the best George Costanza speeches ever! :):))
zhsoj Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I just find it to be very frustrating. When I was younger I never imagined I would have to this problem. Bingo. Universal truth.
JoeNat Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I got ya. I was in a 4 year relationship that was extremely serious, we were all but married. Well it failed, and boy did it fail hard. Ever since then 1.5 years ago I have been dating here and there and I'm just not that intrested in them. I just got out of a 6 month relationship because she was extremely selfish (look up my name lol). Anyways, I guess it falls under that old saying "dont go looking for it, it will find you". The issue with the bar/club scene is that we are all on the defense. There are two types of people at these places. Well maybe three types. One is the person just looking to hookup and get what they want that night and be done with it. Then there is the person that is truly a good person and wants the relationship and intimacy (I full under this one). Lastly there is the person just out to have a few drinks/dance and go home... If your a good person, it will come across. I think my problem is maybe I'm to picky. I never though I could get girls, then all of a sudden it came easier and was told how good lookin I am etc... I need to find my roots again... Maybe start there... think back when you "thought" everything was golden and see what has changed...
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