angelus Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 i am so tired of looking at the boards here and seeing everyone in pain. So, I wanted to write something for everyone...take from it what you will. From texting games...to i saw my ex...to NC... its all a waste of time. no one who truly cared about you would ever put you through this kind of mental and emotional torture. I don't care how cool the guy thinks he is or how pretty the girl is...its all fleeting. many of us and i say myself because i was guilty of this too. if you are saying you love these kinds of people than you are kidding yourself....love is trust, honesty, caring and respect. If any of these things are missing in your relationship...you will never get it back. These things are the foundation for any relationship. How can we say we love someone that makes us feel bad? You cannot. Stop letting these people walk all over you...Leave them forever...no friends...don't worry about getting your stuff back..none of that. I promise you if you can walk away from someone that mistreats you...that you still have feelings for....then there is nothing in this world you can't do. Just let them go...you don't even have to explain yourself or have a final confrontation...because if you are the one being mistreated....they don't even deserve to know. I'm tired of all the games from both parties....just be yourself and come from the heart.. always...if the person you are interested in can't handle that...then they aren't ready to be with you. If you have to act a certain way towards someone you like.....you are not being genuine. they will never know you. the REAL you. you will have to keep up a facade the entire time you know them to keep them attracted to you and when you let your true self come out at all....they will lose the attraction they had for you. I'm sorry for being all over the place in this post...but i just felt bad reading about everyones misery. Relationships don't have to be hard. In fact, a good relationship will be quite boring....ie. no fights or arguing over stupid petty things. Some of the problems people have on these boards are quite complex...with alot of details...my advice skip the details, look at the underlying problem. Which is usually them not respecting you in some way, shape or form. Just don't take things personally.Eventually, you will stop focusing about what you don't want in a relationship and you will find out what you DO want. When that happens....you will truly begin to know yourself and i'm here to tell you, its a wonderful feeling. Sometimes you might have to let a few "good guys or girls" go. It's ok...there are plenty of others...especially when you get to be the one who choses who is good enough to be with you. So, no more huge fights or arguments...no more tears either...The biggest thing you should be arguing about in a good relationship is about what movie you want to see that night. Relationships can be easy...but its up to you. 1
Truly Lost Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Thanks for the words of encouragement, but everyone on here is experiencing the many different degrees of pain from losing someone they had loved, regardless of what happened. Some people put themselves through hell with a partner before they are willing to accept. Its human nature to need time to accept this. Part of accepting is grieving. You can't just tell someone to "get over it". Breaking up with someone kicks you into a mode that ignites a roller coaster of emotions. I can tell you for SURE that everyone on here would gladly trade in these feelings in a instant if it could be done at will, but the truth is it can't. So here we are seaching for those magic words that will make us heal and get back to our normal happy selves as soon as possible. Since my break up a month ago, I haven't been able to think of much of anything else but my ex. I can't control it, he is consuming me and I would like it to stop. We had issues and I'm afraid that its beyond repair and that kills me to admit. But its a step. Its the best I can do for now.
lonetiger Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I have to agree with Truly Lost. Everyone on LS has decided to join this forum for their own reasons...whether it is to release some frustrastions to someone that does not know us, recieve comforting words, advise ect...this site is wonderful for us who are hurting and trying to cope the best way we can. If you are in a happy, jolly, no worries, no fighting relationship..then good for you. Most of us never thought nor imagined that the one that we truly cared about would make the decision of suddenly leaving and when it happens, our lives are turned upside down. We share our stories by choice.
Author angelus Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 i think you guys are missing the point here. I'm not trying to tell you how to feel. I'm telling you what you are capable of. Only you control how you feel. Nobody can hurt you unless you let them. If you need to talk about it with other people friends will listen....to a certain point. Even they get tired of hearing about it. So, i know why people talk about it on the boards here. I just don't want people being sad over someone that is not deserving of them. 1
sad_panda Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I just don't want people being sad over someone that is not deserving of them. We also don't want it, too. If it's that easy, we would've done it.
Truly Lost Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I'm not missing the point. Your stance is, "Wake up and smell the coffee!!" Yeah, I got it. Its deeper than that. I can respect your effort to shed light on the situation at hand, but did you think to consider that people here just want a shoulder to cry on. "Ok", "Yeah", "what ever its over", but its not so cut and dry. It never will be. So get off your soap box with convincing yourself and other people that you have the answers, because no one here does. Its support!!!! That all anyone who posts or reads here is looking for.
noone Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Its support!!!! That all anyone who posts or reads here is looking for. Yes, I thought I was all alone grieving by myself until I found this website. Some have losses greater than mine. I can never say I truly understand how they feel because everyone experiences pain differently. I like what angelus said: "if you can walk away from someone that mistreats you...that you still have feelings for....then there is nothing in this world you can't do". Indeed, once we get over this unbearable feeling of grief, we will become a stronger person.
lonelygurl Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I'm not really sure the point to your post. People on this board are trying to heal from a break up. Whether the relationship was good or bad. If you love someone and they leave you, you are going to grieve....it is a fact. You can't just pick up and move on like nothing happened or they never existed. Would you say that to someone who had a person die in their life???????? A break up is the same as a death...it is the death of a relationship and follows the same rules on the grieving process. Do yourself a favour and do some research on grieving before you discount what people should feel after a break up.
Author angelus Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 i wasnt trying to tell anyone what to do...i said take what you will from it. It was basically a blanket point of view. If you want to dwell in your own sorrow for whatever reason you have then thats fine. I seriously doubt the other party really cares how you feel...so why would you bother? No one makes you feel a certain way....you make yourself feel whatever emotion you are feeling by allowing it. Ive been there before several times and its never gonna happen to me again. For the record, breaking up is not at all like death. Its just your perception of a possible codepency issue. If you are going to say breaking up is like death.....then i guess you can say losing your job is like death....getting your house repossessed is like death.....C'mon loneygurl, really? If you love someone and they leave you....then did they really love you as much as you do them? The other party knows exactly what they are doing but they can make it look like you are the bad guy sometimes too. I'm just trying to offer a different perspective than the ones that are usually posted on the boards..the ls boards are great for grieving if that is what helps you. All I offered was a different way to look at the situation.
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