erroneouslyme Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 So here's my long story. I am 24, and my now ex girlfriend is 18. Let me start out by saying she suffers from depression, bad depression, she also cuts, and in the past few months has started doing drugs. Although she has been clean for about a month. Her family situation is horrible. In the past 3 months her brother went to jail, her parents started a divorce, and her other brother and sister in law (who live at home) fight all the time and it gets physical at times too. I met her when she was 9, i was good friends with her brother, I never really talked to her until about a year and a half ago. Her mother kinda pushed me in her direction and we started talking and hanging out and found out we have LOADS in common. Things were good, we started dating and it lasted about 6 months, then she stopped calling me, wouldnt even talk to me. I found out she just started dating this guy she was head over heals for for years. He had sex with her and dumped her the next day. She ended up sending me an email saying that she doesnt want to be with me, doesnt even want a friendship with me, she doesnt care for me, dont ever talk to me again. So a few months went by, and our paths crossed again, (this was 3 1/2 months ago) She came up to me and was very very friendly and talkative. We started hanging out again, going to concerts and having a blast. She told me that she regretted sending me that email, and that she did like me and that she made a mistake, and that she promises she will never do this again to me because she does care about me. The past 3 months we have been getting super close. We would talk for hours a day, hang out, and always laughing and joking and doing things. It was a lot of fun. Well last week her mother (who never really liked me too much) started telling her how she doesn't like me, I'm a horrible guy, and if she talks to me she is going to kick her out. Prior to this we were planning on moving in together in april. The last time I talked to her was 3 days ago. She was calling me telling me how much she missed me, and wants to hang out, and can't wait to move out in april. Things seemed normal... then last night I get a random email from her saying: ********************* "I want to be happy. When im around you...im not happy. Please dont let this make you sad. I know you care about me a whole lot. But we can not be friends. There is no one else that im leaving you for, and I doubt there will be in a while. Im the one who came to this realization myself. Mom has actually been gone out of the house a lot, leaving me alone. And i always think of inviting you over, but I dont feel any spark with you anymore, and i dont think it would be right. I know that at one point I did love you. But honestly, I stopped loving you a year ago. I havent said the words "i love you" to you in a long time. Because if i dont feel it, then i wont say it. I really want to stop cutting. I dont think you have ever made me want to cut myself, but you havent helped stopping me from doing it. Im sorry if I have ruined any dreams that we had together. They where good thoughts...but meerly dreams. Going all those places sounded exiting. But really, I do not want to lead you on, and if I did, then i would be a very sick and mean person. I really dont want to be friends.. There are too many harsh memories for me. Please understand that we probably wont talk to each other again. I hope you come to accept it, and I know that you love me a whole lot. But i dont love you. I hope you dont think that this letter is coming from my mom. I can prove it though if you want. I use the word you like "languid". I call you a ree ree. I edited the post on gaia that said the thing about the stuff....And you know what...you just need to believe me. Please dont try to think about me too much. I know that this letter sounds disapointing, but I think its the best for me to end our relationship. I know that i want to work on things with my mom. We dont really know each other, and i know it will take a while..but i have my friends to help me. Im sorry about your cousin... Please dont try to contact me.. Lily" ****************************** I dont EVEN begin to understand, just a couple days prior we were talking and hanging out and laughing and joking... she was always the one persuing me... and persuing me ALOT like calling tons throughout the day. Even always tell me how happy she is when we hang out, and how I always put a smile on her face (and i always did!).. and she has told me she loved me many times despite what she said in the email. Hell just last weekend we talked for 3 hours until she actually fell asleep on the phone at 3am in the morning. And she was telling me how she really wants to meet my parents in april, and how she is so excited. I dont even know what to do now... either this email is a lie ( or the past 3 months have been a giant lie... which would be hard to fake.) So what do I do from here? I really do love this girl... Is it just all the pressure her mom has been putting on her lately? Thats the ONLY thing that changed this week.. her mom was riding her really really hard on how they would kick her out and alienate her, and how i'm horrible... she was standing up for me for a while, but i think she finally gave in.... I wish i could just shut off my emotions like she seems to be able to do.... Uggh
Author erroneouslyme Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 So I decided to just drop an email back, in response to her BS letter. It is the only contact I will have with her until our paths cross someday or she decides she is no longer depressed and miserable in life (she is in general miserable and thinks about suicide daily... I really don't think it was me that was the problem based on experience, its a lot of factors like family, life in general, chemical imbalance... she has always been SUPER flip floppy... jumps from very highs to lows a lot... I think she may be bi-polar, she even thinks she might be.) So this was the response I sent. I still dont know what to do from here. I honestly think it was just a lot of pressure from her mother the past week that broke it. I mean honestly things were friggin dandy all this time, no warning signs this second go around. ******************************* Well, I thought we promised that we weren't going to do this again after the underoath concert, because you said you did care, but once again I guess I get the "I dont care about you dont talk to me ever again" email. I don't have much to say I guess, other than I don't know how you go from hot to cold so fast like this. I really hope that all goes well with you and your mother and that you are able to have some sort of relationship with her in the future, I know she can be hard to deal with at some times, as I have experienced. As to the cutting, that hurts me a great deal because I know the pain that is behind it all. I wasn't very happy to see your arm the other day, and I dont know if it is your family that is the cause of it or it is the if there is some other reason, but I do hope that one day you can quell that desire to cut. You can say what you want, but I'm not buying the lies your trying selling me. Just based on everything we've said and done over the past 3 months. Because I know you have or had feelings, and I dont know how you could downshift so fast, but it does seem like just last week were were hanging out and talking for hours and laughing and joking, asking me to bring you chocolates and telling me you were happy to be my friend. And I wasn't pulling your leg like you obviously want me to beleive you were doing to me. I do want you to be happy, and in time if the feelings you have right now pass like they did before I hope that I am around when you change your mind again. And if I am, feel free to look me up. By the way I just want you realize that I had nothing but the best intentions for you and your future, and I still do. I wish you the best in all respects... Sincerely, J
Author erroneouslyme Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 Also to add to the termoil that has happened. Tuesday the day her mother blew up on her and said not to ever talk to me again and how I was evil. She got so depressed that she cut her arm all up with a razor from her wrists to her elbow. SUPER BAD cuts.. It effected her that much, she called me saying she still wants to be with me.... but it only took a couple days before she sent that breakup email. Am I off in thinking this relationship was ended mostly due to external factors? And possible slight immaturity and not knowing how to deal with a relationship?... cuz I highly doubt what most of what she said was true, given all the termoil of the past week.
msjules Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 It doesn't matter why the relationship ended. The girl (and most likely her mother, too) are nuts and you will never figure it out. Run as fast as you can in the other direction. I know you think this is harsh and I doubt you are going to take my advice, but this girl is TOXIC and would be a threat to almost anyone's emotional well being.
Author erroneouslyme Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 It doesn't matter why the relationship ended. The girl (and most likely her mother, too) are nuts and you will never figure it out. Run as fast as you can in the other direction. I know you think this is harsh and I doubt you are going to take my advice, but this girl is TOXIC and would be a threat to almost anyone's emotional well being. Well I will agree with you that the mom is NUTS. Truly she is mental. I don't know about my ex... yet... I think maybe she is just more easily influenced. It really is sad that after all the wonderful memories and how much fun we always had, that she doesnt even seem to want to be at least friends. I dunno, I feel so lost and confused right now. Not even funny. I dunno, my personal feelings based on everything is that she DOES have feelings for me, but she just let go because it was making life at home too hard for her, and its either choose me or her family, and obviously family comes first right?
Recommended Posts