Contact every day? Or lay off?

[calazhage]

Long story short, went out with a girl a month ago, and hit it off. We ended up back at her place same night, and were intimate.

 

I asked her out a couple more times, and she was busy. Still not sure if she had her guard up, or was genuinely busy. She seemed very interested on our date, yet was short and vague with responding to me via our emails.

 

So, I laid everything out in an email.. I know, not exactly playing hard to get, but I was direct. I simply said I was interested, complimented her on what I liked, and told her i was not sure how to proceed, and could not gauge her level of interest. We had a great date and were intimate, but she seemed to be blowing me off.

 

7 days after that she emails me,(basically right as I was writing her off) telling me she has been thinking of me, and wants to see me. We get together, another excellent date, and night together.

 

This past Friday was more of the same. I asked to see her Sunday, and we spent last night together as well. Whenever we are together, she is non stop smiling, gazing, laughing, etc. We seem to be completely in sync on many levels.

 

So now what? I do not need to contact her daily, or see her daily, but of course I enjoy her company. I think of her quite often. I am also a bit cautious due to her actions during the first 2 weeks. I do not want to kill what we have by over contacting her, nor do I want to kill what we have due to not contacting her enough. When we are apart I think of her as guarded in her responses to me, but when we are together it is as though she is completely 100% into me.

 

After 2 out of 3 nights together would a woman appreciate knowing I am thinking of her by sending her an email? Or is it better to lay off a bit and make her wonder what I am doing, so that the attraction can grow a bit? It seems normal to me to contact her to let her know I am thinking of her, and the right thing to do after being so close and intimate, but I also do not want to appear to be needy so quickly. What is the right course of action with someone whom appears to be a bit guarded and independent?

 

Lay off and make her wonder? Or contact her more so she knows I am truly interested and progress?

[Rebellious]

She sounds like a player or she's following one of those books on "how to get a man". Date other girls so you don't concentrate too much on her, that way you won't confuse lust with love, and if she disappears you may not even notice.

[D-Lish]

I wouldn't come on too strong or put all your cards on the table this early. Just take it one day at a time and play laid back. Make sure she contacts you once and a while as well.

[RRyan65]

Both of these replies are all you need to know.

 

Just CHIIIIIIIIIIILL.

 

 

Have a back-up plaaaaaaaaaaaaaan

[calazhage]

Thanks for the advice. I think it is a good idea to wait a bit to contact her, or let her contact me.

 

Let me ask this..

 

 

If you are a man or woman, and meet someone you are very interested in, would it matter to you how they contacted you, or how much? Now obviously I am not talking about obsessively contacting someone several times a day, but more or less asking about "the rules" . Are men and women different in this regard?

 

As an example, if I meet a woman I like, it is rare, and I basically know instantly. So if she had no clue about dating etiquette, , and called me the next day, or asked me out, or basically no matter what she did, I would remain interested. Unless of course she called me 50 times a day, or something really obsessive.

 

If I met a woman I was not interested in, no amount of game playing would capture my interest.

 

Is this different for women? If a woman meets you, and is interested, does showing her less attention make her want you more? Would it be the same if you were just straightforward ? Could it possibly backfire and stunt the normal growth of a budding relationship to pull away once it seems 2 people are getting closer?

[Rebellious]

I wouldn't come on too strong or put all your cards on the table this early. Just take it one day at a time and play laid back. Make sure she contacts you once and a while as well.

 

You must be the tall sex-starved Canadian girl. Make sure you contact me once in a while.

[D-Lish]

Well, depends on your age a little bit.

 

I can honestly say that even if I like a guy initially- if he contacts me too much or tells me he is really interested too soon, I get turned off.

 

I know it's different with texting- it seems innocuous to be texting back and forth regularly. Just be sure she is initiating it half the time.

 

When I first start seeing someone, I don't want to see them more than twice a week maximum.

 

Just don't go overboard with compliments or shower her with compliments too early. If someone does that to me I find it insincere. You have to build up to that stuff in order for it to seem special.

 

Yes, women like to be pursued- but they like mystery too.

 

I think at this stage- if you want to know if she's truly interested- wait for her to initiate sometimes. If you have a text back and forth one day... wait for her to initiate the next text convo.

 

As long as you don't do all the contacting and initiating all the time... it should be good.

 

Just relax and chill. Take it slow.

[D-Lish]

You must be the tall sex-starved Canadian girl. Make sure you contact me once in a while.

 

Well I am tallish... lol:eek:

[RRyan65]

Thanks for the advice. I think it is a good idea to wait a bit to contact her, or let her contact me.

 

Let me ask this..

 

 

If you are a man or woman, and meet someone you are very interested in, would it matter to you how they contacted you, or how much? Now obviously I am not talking about obsessively contacting someone several times a day, but more or less asking about "the rules" . Are men and women different in this regard?

 

As an example, if I meet a woman I like, it is rare, and I basically know instantly. So if she had no clue about dating etiquette, , and called me the next day, or asked me out, or basically no matter what she did, I would remain interested. Unless of course she called me 50 times a day, or something really obsessive.

 

If I met a woman I was not interested in, no amount of game playing would capture my interest.

 

Is this different for women? If a woman meets you, and is interested, does showing her less attention make her want you more? Would it be the same if you were just straightforward ? Could it possibly backfire and stunt the normal growth of a budding relationship to pull away once it seems 2 people are getting closer?

 

 

Yes, there is a difference. A woman is allowed to non-obsessively contact you and there is no penalty for that. For a guy to contact a new girl at a "interested woman" pace, backfires.

 

The simple reason for this is, at the beginning of dating, men's interest level is almost unanimously higher than a woman's. If a woman contacts you, then you absolutely know that there is interest on her part. If you contact her regularly, then she knows theres interest on your part, but the difference is, you're just like every other guy that ends up with her number. You're blowing up her phone. You'd be a guy who's life right now has become focused on her (if you contact her too frequently). Heed these words: THIS IS A TURN OFF.

 

This means that you're allowed to contact her for sure, but you want to keep the contact relevant to setting up a date. Once the dates setup, dont contact her, unless she contacts you. If you contact her and somehow a date doesnt get setup, shes not interested.

 

Listen here, at this early on in the game, she doesn't really care for you to ask her about her day. Why would you care, you know? What you're really giving off by giving her this small talk, is a vibe of obsession or even desperation.

 

 

I can see women here calling BS on my statement. But that's only because they think I'm referring to contact rules during a serious relationship. This isn't a serious relationship, the rules are different.

 

P.S. Tomcat, if you're reading this, STFU, No one wants to here what you're stupid ass had to say!

[Rebellious]

Thanks for the advice. I think it is a good idea to wait a bit to contact her, or let her contact me.

 

Let me ask this..

 

 

If you are a man or woman, and meet someone you are very interested in, would it matter to you how they contacted you, or how much? Now obviously I am not talking about obsessively contacting someone several times a day, but more or less asking about "the rules" . Are men and women different in this regard?

 

As an example, if I meet a woman I like, it is rare, and I basically know instantly. So if she had no clue about dating etiquette, , and called me the next day, or asked me out, or basically no matter what she did, I would remain interested. Unless of course she called me 50 times a day, or something really obsessive.

 

If I met a woman I was not interested in, no amount of game playing would capture my interest.

 

Is this different for women? If a woman meets you, and is interested, does showing her less attention make her want you more? Would it be the same if you were just straightforward ? Could it possibly backfire and stunt the normal growth of a budding relationship to pull away once it seems 2 people are getting closer?

 

 

I'm the same way, if I like a girl she can do no wrong, and she can call me all she wants. But apparently you and I are the exception.

[RRyan65]

Well, depends on your age a little bit.

 

I can honestly say that even if I like a guy initially- if he contacts me too much or tells me he is really interested too soon, I get turned off.

 

I know it's different with texting- it seems innocuous to be texting back and forth regularly. Just be sure she is initiating it half the time.

 

When I first start seeing someone, I don't want to see them more than twice a week maximum.

 

Just don't go overboard with compliments or shower her with compliments too early. If someone does that to me I find it insincere. You have to build up to that stuff in order for it to seem special.

 

Yes, women like to be pursued- but they like mystery too.

 

I think at this stage- if you want to know if she's truly interested- wait for her to initiate sometimes. If you have a text back and forth one day... wait for her to initiate the next text convo.

 

As long as you don't do all the contacting and initiating all the time... it should be good.

 

Just relax and chill. Take it slow.

 

 

BAM! right as I submitted my reply, I read this. See, (and I'm not being foward) D-lish is the type of woman that I date as far as reactions go. Listen to her. This is how women react.

[calazhage]

I think up to this point I have played it well. I was never the type to spill my feelings, although I have complimented her a bit.

 

Part of me does wonder how sex plays into the equation for women. I ended up spending the night with her all 4 times at her home, and we had sex multiple times on every date. I don't know how to explain it, but it was not like we had sex, and I left. I always spent the night with her clinging to me.

 

Is it somehow disrespectful to spend 2 out of 3 nights with a woman, and then not contact her for a few days to a week, or all of a sudden switch the tables and wait for her to contact me?

 

Being mysterious is a whole lot easier when you are not quite that interested in a woman, although I do agree, contact maybe should be limited to when I want to see her.

[Rebellious]

...

 

When I first start seeing someone, I don't want to see them more than twice a week maximum.

 

...

 

So you've never been on a first date that lasted 4 days? Hmm? How many dates is that equivalent to? lol

[D-Lish]

I don't know, I am surely quite a bit older than you, but I wouldn't sleep with a guy on the first date if I was interested in a relationship with him.

And if I was a guy, I am not sure I could take a girl seriously that did... But I suppose that's a different generation...

 

So- is it rude to not call her for a week after sleeping with her? yes, of course. No one is suggesting you play games. Only suggesting that you play it cool and don't go overboard.

 

I'm just suggesting you are not always the one to initiate with her- let her do some of the initiating. Find some balance.

 

Does she contact you out of the blue, or is it always you seeking out her?

 

Saying "hey what's up" every couple days is fine. If you sleep with her and don't call her for a week- if she likes you, she'll be pissed... if she's keeping it casual- she won't care much and will probably keep sleeping with you (does that make sense?)

 

That's why I am suggesting you let her do some initiating- just to see if she's in the casual misdspace or interested in something more.

[D-Lish]

So you've never been on a first date that lasted 4 days? Hmm? How many dates is that equivalent to? lol

 

Do vacations count???

 

I've been on a second date with someone that lasted 3 days...lol.

[calazhage]

I personally do not feel when you sleep with someone matters. I do hear quite often that it does, but I have myself, and know many other that have entered into long term relationships and even marriages after having sex on the first date.

 

You would sleep with a man if you did NOT want a relationship with him on the first date? That to me seems to be more odd. And you withhold sex from guys you DO want a relationship with?

 

I guess overall just play it cool, and contact her in a few days to set up a date. The only confusing thing is this..

 

Some women do not like contacting men, and asking them out. Especially near the beginning. It sure would be easier if all women called men to set up dates, but I know for a fact that many women will not call men. She also seems to be the shy type in this regard.

[drutten]

"If you contact her regularly, then she knows theres interest on your part, but the difference is, you're just like every other guy that ends up with her number. You're blowing up her phone. You'd be a guy who's life right now has become focused on her (if you contact her too frequently). Heed these words: THIS IS A TURN OFF."

 

I'm sure I'm not alone in being bewildered and saddened by this, not just hearing it from you but remembering the times I've heard it from the women in my life that I have liked.

 

Not only does it remind me of having lost the women I liked but it also reminds me of the ones that I didn't care about so I could be cool towards them. The ones who were impressed by that and stayed... only to be hurt when I dumped them later because I really never liked them enough.

 

And here I am, quickly moving into middle age, alone, because every woman always falls into the first or the second category; either I care and then I scare them away by being keen (notice I don't use the phrase "too keen", of course you shouldn't be "too" anything but that's a vacuous statement) or I don't care enough and I'm the one having to end it.

 

Faking isn't really an option, is it folks? I mean really? Falling in love is the most powerful emotion known to man. You don't just "chill" when you're in the grips of it. If you think you can, you've never been in love. Nor is this emotion, as so many people seem to say today (do they believe it?) a sign of weakness or "low value". It's been with us since the stone age.

 

So, let's hear it from some women who don't want to play games and don't want to spend their lives with a pick-up artist.

[Ricky01]

"If you contact her regularly, then she knows theres interest on your part, but the difference is, you're just like every other guy that ends up with her number. You're blowing up her phone. You'd be a guy who's life right now has become focused on her (if you contact her too frequently). Heed these words: THIS IS A TURN OFF."

 

I'm sure I'm not alone in being bewildered and saddened by this, not just hearing it from you but remembering the times I've heard it from the women in my life that I have liked.

 

Not only does it remind me of having lost the women I liked but it also reminds me of the ones that I didn't care about so I could be cool towards them. The ones who were impressed by that and stayed... only to be hurt when I dumped them later because I really never liked them enough.

 

And here I am, quickly moving into middle age, alone, because every woman always falls into the first or the second category; either I care and then I scare them away by being keen (notice I don't use the phrase "too keen", of course you shouldn't be "too" anything but that's a vacuous statement) or I don't care enough and I'm the one having to end it.

 

Faking isn't really an option, is it folks? I mean really? Falling in love is the most powerful emotion known to man. You don't just "chill" when you're in the grips of it. If you think you can, you've never been in love. Nor is this emotion, as so many people seem to say today (do they believe it?) a sign of weakness or "low value". It's been with us since the stone age.

 

So, let's hear it from some women who don't want to play games and don't want to spend their lives with a pick-up artist.

 

 

 

sounds we are destined to replay this cycle, until like you said... until we die. I mean, I guess this is one of them life lessons that just can't be taught(especially for those of us in here) perhaps we have personality flaws either at one time or within them, that just reject the intended ideal match to us. I mean, I can go way off with that one just from sheer brainstorming. Maybe this is all truely a lottery of chance, location, timing, and opportunity.

I suppose realizing the love you had would one day can change years later. But we all have or are destined to do such, maybe this one step closer to that level enlightenment. Are there people that hit it the first shot?, sure why not? there there will always be individuals that just excel at certain tasks given. For the rest of us, we are learning, and I think maybe the majority of the world is doing such. Even people married for decades can fall out of love or not. I personally dont think there is a human being that fe in true love without a battle with it at one point or another.

Now we are so modern, so dynamic, so upgraded as a culture, a society, that process and learning love has changed from our lives compared to our parents' and almost totally different from our grandparents.

Yes the fundamentals are the same, love one another to the best of your ability forever.

 

I think now, we just have clashes of personality becuse we are so capable of being so many different factors at the same time, the once work ethic of meet, courtship, marry, and have children has changed. I am not speakign against those who still have such a love experience. In ways I am jealous, my knowledge of all in what I know wont alow me to do this. I need the world as my playground, I need to experience as much as possible. (I say I, but mean "we", just using mysef as an exampe also.) We have selected to go into the semi-series of triy outs, games, play-offs) everytime, going one step closer to perfection. I suppose in the romantic point of view we keep going to achieve this greatness, unfortunately on the way, we have inevitable faiures, misleads, or set backs.

 

Love yourself, as you woud love another person, then that love I believe can project into a person's sixth sense and allow much more fulfilling love.

Even if I am wrong, fu*k it... always strive for perfection.

 

On one hand, I feel we are conditioning ourselves to better in the future, on the other, I feel we are losing the very innocense that makes love so great. Even though love is much more than the amost juvenile bliss of falling love. The later responsibiities, and dedication I imagine either supplements or replaces with another sense of feeing complete. It all boils down to this is life. Like anything you need practice i suppose.

 

hmmm long winded, little help.. sorry