Dainty Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Hello loveshack peeps. I just found you by searching "having the courage to break up" on google. I'm in a 3 year relationship that I need to get out of, but I can't seem to get myself to DO it. I don't know what I'm so afraid of. We're all wrong for each other, and I know that he knows that but he pretends everything is fine. I can't pretend anymore. I've been putting it off, trying to figure out the easiest way to do it so it doesn't hurt him so bad. But I realize now that there is no easy or good way to break up with someone. So, I am going to leave him a message on his messanger tonight. I get sick just thinking about it. It isn't my feelings of wanting to stay that hurts so bad, because I don't want it, it's hurting him and seeing him crushed that breaks my heart. I feel like an awful person for doing that. Anyway, I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.
not_a_happy_camper Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 there's definitely no good way to break-up..................but to do it via messenger? that is NOT decent. You've been with this person three years..............they deserve up front, face-to-face honesty. I don't know you, but it sounds like you want to relieve your own guilt by not having to see the reaction. Not fair on him. be decent about this.
Crow9726 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 I know I might get flamed for this...but would you want someone to break up with you over messenger? Do it yourself...in person...and don't take the cowardly way out by using messenger, text, phone or email. If you've been together 3 years...and are truly going to break it off with him...you owe him that much. You also owe it to yourself so that you can each have some sort of closure. Questions cannot be asked and answered through such a cold way of communication...and using one of the aforementioned methods is both cold and cowardly.
audrey_1 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Please do it in person....at least let him have that dignity. Three years is a long time.
Geishawhelk Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 and here's #4 saying the same thing. If you've been with him all this time, you owe him at least the decency of breaking up with dignity and respect. To do it any other way is both cowardly and underhand. I know it will take courage, but you just need to take a deep breath, close your eyes and say - "I think we both know it's over, so I think we need to break up." Then that will be it. Out with it.
Zammo25 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 and here's #4 saying the same thing. If you've been with him all this time, you owe him at least the decency of breaking up with dignity and respect. To do it any other way is both cowardly and underhand. I know it will take courage, but you just need to take a deep breath, close your eyes and say - "I think we both know it's over, so I think we need to break up." Then that will be it. Out with it. Not being funny but do you revel in people's relationships breaking up ? Do you always want relationships to end ?. Do you always have a view point of there's no hope, dump his sorry arse, dump her sorry arse ?.
Author Dainty Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 I understand that doing it in person would be the "best" way, but frankly I'm not sure I could handle it. And you know what, for once I need to do it the best way for ME. We broke up once before. I broke up with him face to face and afterwards ended up in the hospital with panic attacks. And two weeks later we were back at the beginning. I have prayed everyday for the strenght to do this. I have felt like living a lie of happiness for years has turned me into a horrible person. Someone I never dreamed I'd become. I want to do the right thing. And maybe it makes me a coward, maybe it's not respectful, but it's the only way I can bring myself to do it. I'm not a bad person.
Geishawhelk Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Not being funny but do you revel in people's relationships breaking up ? Do you always want relationships to end ?. Do you always have a view point of there's no hope, dump his sorry arse, dump her sorry arse ?. Pardon....? The OP has already said that she is going to break up with her BF. She said she is going to do it through messenger, tonight. I don't personally think that's as good idea. neither did the other 3 people who posted before me. What's your point? OP, you know your relationship better than anyone else, and, as nobody had the information of your previous break-up available, we all went by what you put in your initial post. If this is the way you need to proceed, then that's the way you feel. Do you think this will be it now?
not_a_happy_camper Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Hi dainty, didn't know the full story before. but geisha and eDave are right. In this instance, email or letter is a good idea, explaining why you have to do it that way and your reasons. face-to-face is better for closure certainly, there's no avoiding it in that situation, but given the history, i think you are right to avoid this. But explain yourself, don't leave him wondering, that's not fair on him.
IcemanJB Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 DO IT IN PERSON. Please. If my ex broke up with me in person after not being with me for even a year, you should at least show your bf some respect since you've been with him for 3 years!
Joker77 Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Take it from someone who was dumped via text message. Do it in person. I had the utmost respect in the world for my ex until she decided to take the coward's way out and dump me via a freaking text message. All respect was lost after that. If you are going to do it, do it right.
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