precious1357 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 its been awhile...anyway, i am searching for some advice. MM and I were doing okay...then on Wednesday evening i was upset over something and when we spoke on thursday, i had very little to say...so i did not not hear anything friday or saturday, i called him and MM returned the called to acknowledge receipt of my call and thank me. He has never acted this way before ever! should i call him and ask him what is going on or should i take it that its over?
whichwayisup Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Don't call him. Just try your best to go through afew days of NO MM. I wouldn't read into anything since your affair with him is so up and down. One day he loves you and wants to be with you and the next day his kids are threatening to kill you. Bottomline - He's still with his wife and that's very telling.. Have you thought that maybe not having him in your would be better for you in the long run? Aren't you so sick and tired of playing this game? Not knowing WTF is going on, feeling loved, feeling unloved, feeling insecure, not knowing what he truly thinks or feels? It's time for you decide, take control and just end it. For your own sanity.
Author precious1357 Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 Don't call him. Just try your best to go through afew days of NO MM. I wouldn't read into anything since your affair with him is so up and down. One day he loves you and wants to be with you and the next day his kids are threatening to kill you. Bottomline - He's still with his wife and that's very telling.. Have you thought that maybe not having him in your would be better for you in the long run? Aren't you so sick and tired of playing this game? Not knowing WTF is going on, feeling loved, feeling unloved, feeling insecure, not knowing what he truly thinks or feels? It's time for you decide, take control and just end it. For your own sanity. Thanks for responding because I'm at my wits end...its hurts so very very bad...thank you.
whichwayisup Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 You're welcome P. I am sorry that you're hurting.. Think of it this way, even if you two DO end up together, do you have any idea how hard life will be? His WHOLE family is going to shut him out of their lives. This man won't be able to function if his grown children who prob. have grandchildren too, cut him out completely. Just because you love him, doesn't mean you two should be together. He may love you as well, and again, that doesn't mean you two have to be together. You two have a very unhealthy dynamtic and never forget your life has been threatened as well. He hasn't done much do protect you, let alone make you feel safe or secure.. Yet he's still at his wife's side. THAT is saying alot. Whatever you do, don't call. If a week goes by, you'll be OK. Sad and hurt, but you will get through it..Keep posting and stay strong. Be with your friends and family..
Author precious1357 Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 You're welcome P. I am sorry that you're hurting.. Think of it this way, even if you two DO end up together, do you have any idea how hard life will be? His WHOLE family is going to shut him out of their lives. This man won't be able to function if his grown children who prob. have grandchildren too, cut him out completely. Just because you love him, doesn't mean you two should be together. He may love you as well, and again, that doesn't mean you two have to be together. You two have a very unhealthy dynamtic and never forget your life has been threatened as well. He hasn't done much do protect you, let alone make you feel safe or secure.. Yet he's still at his wife's side. THAT is saying alot. Whatever you do, don't call. If a week goes by, you'll be OK. Sad and hurt, but you will get through it..Keep posting and stay strong. Be with your friends and family.. I'm too old to hurt this bad, I really cannot believe this is happening...plus I have no one to talk to (live)...my friends would kill me...thanks again so very much.
jj33 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 WWIU gave you great advice. Just because you love each other doesnt mean that being together is the right thing. Love doesnt conquer all in all cases. Nor is it meant to. If it were we wouldnt have half the great art, literature etc. Love isnt supposed to hurt as badly as you are hurting nor is it supposed to involve threats on your life. Hard as it is to step back, and close the chapter, its time.
whichwayisup Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 I'm too old to hurt this bad, I really cannot believe this is happening...plus I have no one to talk to (live)...my friends would kill me...thanks again so very much. Another reason why this affair isn't right for you. You can't even tell your friends about him, let alone include him in your life with everyone. (Just like he can't include you in his life.) Love is just part of the equation and if the other stuff isn't there, it won't work.. Hense your situation. P, you need to go pamper yourself! Book a spa day! Seriously, it'll make you feel good.
jwi71 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 I just saw this thread after asking for an update in another. Would you care to update us on events...
Meaplus3 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 As WWIU said don't call. I realize your hurting right now and probably sort of confused, but your best bet to move on from this is to just simply keep busy and try not to think of this mm. Contacting him will only make things worse. Best of luck to you. Keep your chin up. Mea:)
Author precious1357 Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 I just saw this thread after asking for an update in another. Would you care to update us on events... Well, on Thursday I did not have much to say and MM said he would call me back. No call Thursday, Friday, Saturday, which is TOTALLY not what he does...so I left him a message on Sunday and he responded with "I received your message, thank you and have a nice day." WTF! He has never ever done or said anything like this....so that's it...
jwi71 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 So I gather your MM has NOT left his W and you are still having an A with him. Yes? Basically, nothing has changed....
whichwayisup Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 so I left him a message on Sunday and he responded with "I received your message, thank you and have a nice day." WTF! He has never ever done or said anything like this....so that's it... It sucks that he's treating you like a piece of poo. But he is and the only way to deal with those who treat you like that is to get rid of them. Take his "have a nice day" as closure and do everything you can NOT to call him ever again. Post here everytime you get the urge to contact him. He doesn't deserve to hear from you again after saying that to you. That's not love, nor is it respect. That comes from a man who is spineless, selfish and a big p*ssy!
Author precious1357 Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 It sucks that he's treating you like a piece of poo. But he is and the only way to deal with those who treat you like that is to get rid of them. Take his "have a nice day" as closure and do everything you can NOT to call him ever again. Post here everytime you get the urge to contact him. He doesn't deserve to hear from you again after saying that to you. That's not love, nor is it respect. That comes from a man who is spineless, selfish and a big p*ssy! Thanks for not trashing me and saying what you said...it hurts to realize foolishness...thank you again.
desertmoon Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 And each time another human being feels like this, is vindication for them... Precious, I am sorry that you are going through tough times, it's a long and painful road to "getting over him", but it IS what you need to do.... I do not know if posting here will help you. You WILL get TRASHED-no doubt. Some people are on a mission to break you down to realization of how immoral you are-this is an extension of their "healing process". On the flipside you will get the raw truth of how devastating this kind of relationship to the parties involved. But hang tight. Time heals.
Author precious1357 Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 And each time another human being feels like this, is vindication for them... Precious, I am sorry that you are going through tough times, it's a long and painful road to "getting over him", but it IS what you need to do.... I do not know if posting here will help you. You WILL get TRASHED-no doubt. Some people are on a mission to break you down to realization of how immoral you are-this is an extension of their "healing process". On the flipside you will get the raw truth of how devastating this kind of relationship to the parties involved. But hang tight. Time heals. D, thanks so much...i'm hurting real real bad.
OWoman Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 I left him a message on Sunday and he responded with "I received your message, thank you and have a nice day." WTF! He has never ever done or said anything like this....so that's it... That sounds to me like the kind of thing someone would say when someone else was listening in on them. Maybe he got bust?
jwi71 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Time heals. No it doesn't. Its what you DO with the time that heals. If you are in a bad situation and do nothing to change it, nothing has changed. The situation is STILL bad and the person still in pain. This is where I was going with precious...still in A and still "stuck". The time has passed but NOTHING CHANGED. Precious - you gotta end this. After the whole gun incident with the son I had hoped you had moved on - it seemed that way in your last post. And if you haven't - and it sounds that way - then what CAN you DO to affect CHANGE? If you change nothing then nothing changes. This A is NOT good for you on sooooo many levels, yet you're stuck. What is it that prevents you from moving forward with YOUR life? What needs does HE meet that allow you to "accept" these bad times?
desertmoon Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 No it doesn't. Its what you DO with the time that heals. If you change nothing then nothing changes. I do believe I said, she needed to move on...that's a major change, don't you think so? then time will heal....
desertmoon Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Actually, Jwi71, to be precise below is what I said: Precious, I am sorry that you are going through tough times, it's a long and painful road to "getting over him", but it IS what you need to do.... ..hmmm...
awkward Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 That sounds to me like the kind of thing someone would say when someone else was listening in on them. Maybe he got bust? I agree. Maybe someone was listening in and that's why it was so impersonal. I'm sorry you are hurting precious. Why don't they have a hugs smiley here?
awkward Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I read some of your past posts. I have to change my opinion about someone listening in. It seems he is normally a man of few words? Do you socialize outside of the church? I know it's hard to meet single men and realize that you are older, but there could be a great guy right around the corner for you. Maybe you could meet a nice divorced man or another widower such as yourself. Are you sure you are in love with this man? Are you sure that you aren't just lonely. You are older but are not old. You still have a long life ahead of you. It's not to late to meet someone great that is available. Someone to share your life with, your future grandchildren with. My advice is to stop talking to MM that won't ever leave his wife. I don't think you would be happy even if he did leave for you. The fallout would be huge and you don't seem to be the type of person to be immune to it all. Choose a new church and start over with your new life. Try to find happiness in a relationship. I wish I was sitting right next to you. I would give you a big hug.
jwi71 Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I do believe I said, she needed to move on...that's a major change, don't you think so? then time will heal.... Here's the thing, this has been going for what...just over two years now. And in that time, its steadily gone downhill. Your advice is "move on and time will heal you". Well, just exactly HOW does she do that? She has proven utterly incapable of moving on, even after an angry son says he is going to kill her and produces the pistol with which he will kill her. She continues the A and NOTHING CHANGES. She's stuck and if she COULD move on she wouldn't be here and most of the posts in the OW/OM forum wouldn't exist. While I understand the sentiment DM, I just don't see how "move on and time will heal you" helps when she has proven incapable of exactly that. Back to the OP, what do you get out of this A which allows YOU to LIVE like this? To not only live like this but to continue to SEEK IT OUT. There is NO way he will EVER leave his W. His children have literally threatened to kill you. How much more are you willing to lose for him?
desertmoon Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 hmmm... jwi71. I could be wrong but I thought I was responding to her questions, which was this: .... should i call him and ask him what is going on or should i take it that its over? My response: "get over him" etc... I do not know how she will do that. I figured somebody like YOU, would do that, since you know a lot..if not everything...
Author precious1357 Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 I read some of your past posts. I have to change my opinion about someone listening in. It seems he is normally a man of few words? Do you socialize outside of the church? I know it's hard to meet single men and realize that you are older, but there could be a great guy right around the corner for you. Maybe you could meet a nice divorced man or another widower such as yourself. Are you sure you are in love with this man? Are you sure that you aren't just lonely. You are older but are not old. You still have a long life ahead of you. It's not to late to meet someone great that is available. Someone to share your life with, your future grandchildren with. My advice is to stop talking to MM that won't ever leave his wife. I don't think you would be happy even if he did leave for you. The fallout would be huge and you don't seem to be the type of person to be immune to it all. Choose a new church and start over with your new life. Try to find happiness in a relationship. I wish I was sitting right next to you. I would give you a big hug. Thanks so very very much. Answer, Yes, he is a man of few words but at the same time he can be very wordy with me...we talk all the time. He always says he doesn't converse with people well but we did a whole lot of talking. That's how it all began, the talking every day for long periods of time. No unfortunately, I do not socialize outside the church, most of my friends are in church and yes I do love him so much and no I wasn't just lonely...I sat down and wrote out a plan which includes visiting new churches immediately. I have one official duty left this year and I will go and complete it and then move on. It seems as if I'm falling apart inside. I keep up a pretty good front though. I'm at work and tears are running because the reality is so painful, to be foolish, to believe in someone so much at this age, it really is a terrible feeling. Thanks for your kind words....I will make the best effort possible to move on and believe that good days are ahead
Author precious1357 Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 Well, here i am again...am i wrong for wanting some type of verbal closure? I mean, to change immediately, its too much...I understand ending things but so suddenly! Any thoughts???
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