canigetanswers Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 i feel that im quite depressive. as a libra, i know i like to be in love...and im constantly looking to date people, to find the one. but i tend to not find a girl i can date for long. something about a girl will always irk me and it never progresses to the 3 date. even if it has, it will only be because that girl is a attention seeker, someone on seeing a shrink, having her own issues. i've always been conservative about sex. but seeing how my friends can get sex easily makes me depressed. makes me feel like im nt able to meet a good girl. i'd always been one against premarital sex. but once i got so cheated by a girl, i felt that stupid and used. i was tired of keeping my virginity. also, i had a hypospadias at birth which makes my self esteem low. this was corrected but i ended up having a chordee (a bad bent in shape when erected) as im short, the chordee made me shorter. i didn't believe that i could have a normal sex life despite my urologist telling me. stupidly, when i was heartbroken i visted a commercial sex worker. this happened twice...about one year apart.... the second time though, i started having ALL the symptoms of acute Hiv except fever...i tested negative just two days shy of six weeks. i believe i have it....i will continue to try to see if the sex worker still works there as she is from a legal brothel and require monthly test by law. i just feel bad about everything. im 23, obviously at my peak of virility. i dunno if im pushing the blame to my insecurities when actually it's just my stupdity. that's all i have for now, i guess. the waiting for the window period kills. Link to post Share on other sites
doushenka Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Okay. First of all, if you're still concerned about HIV, retesting is a good idea. In the meantime, I think you should look for a therapist, because it sounds like you need some help dealing with the possibility. It doesn't mean you are an attention seeker or have issues; psychotherapy is one more tool we have at our disposal to help us cope with what life throws at us. (Veering into TMI territory: short is not always a bad thing. It's all in how you use it.) Link to post Share on other sites
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