IcemanJB Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 ahhhhh, I caved. Sorta...idk why I did it, but I looked at her facebook page yesterday. I think it had to do with me looking at a mutual friend's page, seeing a cute pic of my ex, and my heart sinking. I mean I even took my ex off my friends list and I have it set so she can't see any of my stuff, but for some reason I can still see her page. I'm mad at myself and can't believe I did it; it was just a breakdown of will power. The only info I got out of it is that she's single, and still being her usual self...and for some reason that made me feel much better. That's probably not healthy that something like that would make me feel a ton better. It's starting to get annoying (my inability to just forget her); I met a very pretty girl last week and heard through the grapevine that she thinks I'm cute, likes me, etc...but I can't get my stupid ex out of my head. DAMNIT. So does this wipe out my 2.5 months NC? I ALMOST texted her right after that...I need a ruling here! why why why did I do that...
JoeNat Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Ehh... dont be so hard on yourself... you went 2.5 months without anything... doesn't mean the facebook took any of that away... Just know you looked.. you realized you shouldn't of and move on... My trick is to get rid of everything. Last night I broke up with my gf and as soon as I got home... I deleted all pictures, facebook, text, phone numbers, eveything...If it hurts to much to see then I suggest you do the same... I even got rid of mutual friends on facebook... I want to forget she exists... that what I do... If I ever see her again I will make it like just another stranger I never met... Be strong... you can do it!!!
endlesstrains Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 I've been looking at my ex's Myspace and Facebook a lot, to see when he would finally change his status to "single." (I changed mine a week or so ago.) Well, looks like he did it yesterday. Now I guess I have no excuse to look... although we aren't totally NC either. I don't think just looking at her page invalidates your healing. Everyone is curious... it's just that before the Internet, you had to ask a friend, or see your ex while out. It's not the same as actually talking to her, I don't think. But it's still not healthy to "stalk" her profile. (I know, I'm guilty of it myself...)
Author IcemanJB Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 Thanks for the responses. I guess it's just a realization that I'm not completely over her; and THAT is what is bugging me. It's sort of a hindrance to me moving on because it's not fair to the next girl if I'm not over my ex. Yet I think in order to fully move on, one needs to start seeing others. So it's sort of a contradiction... ok, if that made any sense at all, let me know.
Zammo25 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Thanks for the responses. I guess it's just a realization that I'm not completely over her; and THAT is what is bugging me. It's sort of a hindrance to me moving on because it's not fair to the next girl if I'm not over my ex. Yet I think in order to fully move on, one needs to start seeing others. So it's sort of a contradiction... ok, if that made any sense at all, let me know. There's no point asking on LS , its always NC, give up, throw in the towel and roll over.
Geishawhelk Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Well, Zammo, of course there is that. You've chosen to do that, and that IS your choice. Others however, are of the opinion that whatever happens, Life holds promise, it is worth living to the full, and one day they will find that suddenly, it doesn't matter any more. You seem so intent on contradicting that, inspite of strong evidence to the contrary, that it's pretty obvious that you are strongly determined to remain at the lowest ebb you can, for as long as you can. Get this: Everything you think, say and do - is all your choice. All yours. You want it? - you keep it. For as long as you want.
Zammo25 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Well, Zammo, of course there is that. You've chosen to do that, and that IS your choice. Others however, are of the opinion that whatever happens, Life holds promise, it is worth living to the full, and one day they will find that suddenly, it doesn't matter any more. You seem so intent on contradicting that, inspite of strong evidence to the contrary, that it's pretty obvious that you are strongly determined to remain at the lowest ebb you can, for as long as you can. Get this: Everything you think, say and do - is all your choice. All yours. You want it? - you keep it. For as long as you want. Its so easy for you isn't it. So easy to be high and mighty and smug about it all. Do you ever offer anything other than put downs and ridicule ?.
Author IcemanJB Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 Actually Geisha been very helpful to me. It's called tough love, not put-downs. I'll say one thing; I'm more likely to listen and believe someone with a positive attitude, vs someone with a negative one. But that's besides the point. Let's stay on topic, ok?
Frankasy Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Although you're in a more NC reign then me, I kinda had your problems at first. I didn't delete her from Facebook and at first it was hard looking at her uploaded pics, status updates etc but eventually it got kinda ordinary so it really doesn't bother me anymore. At first I was really weak, I wanted to call her after 2 days but I kept telling myself that I would get no good from it. Just keep that in mind, if you don't see yourself getting back with her than don't bother breaking NC. Just stay strong cause so far you're doing great!
Zammo25 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 I wouldn't sweat it. It did make you feel better in the end. You dodged a bullet though. Suppose you saw her status as different and she is with someone. That would have knocked you back a bit. Zammo, in Geisha's defense, I too took her advise harshly at first. But as I go down this road, I am seeing more and more that she is right. But that's because I gave up the 'dream'. The way to achieve a 'dream' is to believe you can. So, if you believe you can then I admire you. It would be nice to hear more success stories. Sincerely wishing you luck. LS's negativity has battered all hope I had. This site is truely for all the lost souls isn't it ?.
not_a_happy_camper Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 LS's negativity has battered all hope I had. This site is truely for all the lost souls isn't it ?. I hear ya zammo............but it's probably for the greater good, I'm beginning to realise it now. They've said the same stuff here as any of my friends and family (bar one or two!) have said to me. The thing is unless they're begging you to come back, or apologising profusely for whatever they have done..................there is no hope.
Zammo25 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 I hear ya zammo............but it's probably for the greater good, I'm beginning to realise it now. They've said the same stuff here as any of my friends and family (bar one or two!) have said to me. The thing is unless they're begging you to come back, or apologising profusely for whatever they have done..................there is no hope. There is no hope and I have cried every day for 5 weeks.
not_a_happy_camper Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Zammo, I was where you are now, I'm out 11 weeks, and there are days when I still cry. Only yesterday in fact. But I'm not looking at these boards, thinking everyone here is so negative...............I'll admit, I wanted people to tell me to contact my ex. I went through everything that happened with the break-up. only to be told not to. and for a good reason, and I realise how right everyone here was to tell me not to. and to move on. If my ex was crying over me or wanted me back, he'd have let me know by now. His silence speaks volumes. I have to take that for what it is. if there's no hope, stop asking people to give you hope. actually realising there is no hope should make it easier on you, because at the moment you are fighting a losing battle.
Author IcemanJB Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 Zammo, the first two or three weeks after my breakup were exactly how you describe it. That's the most I've cried in my life (ex claims she has never cried like that in front of anyone before me...but whatever), even more than losing a close friend a few years ago! I guess the thing about death is that it's final; there's closure, and nothing can be done about it, which means it's easier to accept. With a breakup, the pain is almost equal to that of a death, but closure is often not obtainable, and there's always that small strand of hope that somehow manages to string us along until we're shot down yet again. It sucks, and you're not alone. NC really is the best way to go. I talked with my mom before I came on here, and she said: "S is very confused and scared; you need to leave her completely alone because the ball is in her court right now". It hurt, but mom was absolutely right. I learned the hard way when I continually responded to the ex when she wanted contact for a month or so after the breakup. LS just reinforced what friends and family have been telling me. Anyways, off of my tangent. Yes, I did dodge a bullet in the fact that she's not with anyone. But my rationale, now that I think of it, was that not knowing one way or another was worse than if I had found out she was with someone else. I was sick of trying label her a liar or not, given how she broke up with me. It's at the point that her reasons are justified (or maybe I don't care much anymore?), and it's probably a good thing I'm not with her right now from what I've heard from mutual friends. Thanks again everyone.
Joker77 Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I did it once the first month of the break up. Dumbest thing I ever did. She hadn't had a chance to change her status on myspace. It still said she was in a relationship and there on her page was a pic of her and me together. It hurt like hell. I had to stop torturing myself after that. I advise you to do the same thing. Any time you find yourself even thinking about it, do something constructive like working out.
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