DayDreamer75 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Reading the posts on LS for several months now, I have a feeling that a lot of us live in an unrealistic world. Why is it that so many of us give up healthy and loving relationships for something temporarily more thrilling? Does this have something to do with a damage we grew up with? Or does this have something to do with what the television, books and other media project to us as a perfection of love? Does the perfect love really exist? I was very unrealistic during the earlier years of my life and came to senses only a few years back. I don't know whether I am just disillusioned or simply very realistic but I don't believe that such a thrilling and all-encompassing love really exists. We all have defects. We are all imperfect. And nobody can make us happy but ourselves. I once read that when getting into lifetime relationships such as a marriage, one should praise more another person's commitment than other qualities because what matters the most in a relationship in the end is commitment. What do you think?
Geishawhelk Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Do you mean "Yearn".....? I've always maintained that desire is natural. Commitment is a choice. people choose (wiaely, or other wise!) to commit to one person, but ultimately, we're not wired to be faithful, and the pull to have sex elsewhere is too great to resist, for some. Oh sure, we can say ethics, morals and conscience steer us to remaining faithful, and it is these qualities we damage when we screw around behind our SO's back. We give up on effort and instead ruin Trust. But ultimately, we just want to do it. Some manage to remain in a relatiosnhip, because they're frank, open and honest enough to see the danger signals and want to steer clear. They are people of their word. Others - ? Forget it. Come and get it!
HappyAgain Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Do you mean "Yearn".....? I've always maintained that desire is natural. Commitment is a choice. people choose (wiaely, or other wise!) to commit to one person, but ultimately, we're not wired to be faithful, and the pull to have sex elsewhere is too great to resist, for some. Oh sure, we can say ethics, morals and conscience steer us to remaining faithful, and it is these qualities we damage when we screw around behind our SO's back. We give up on effort and instead ruin Trust. But ultimately, we just want to do it. Some manage to remain in a relatiosnhip, because they're frank, open and honest enough to see the danger signals and want to steer clear. They are people of their word. Others - ? Forget it. Come and get it! I couldn't agree more with your thoughts. You can choose to make the relationship work and bring excitement into it or you can run around with your pants around your ankles.
Author DayDreamer75 Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 Yes, sorry for the spelling error . This is what I meant... It's so sad that people give up on their relationships, sometimes even good ones, skipping from a relationship to another... so I guess, what I read is right, the most important thing in a relationship to make it work long-term is commitment.
Geishawhelk Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 A relationship needs - absolutely demands - 5 elements, in order to make it work: Trust Respect Effort, Communication and Commitment. If any of these is missing or inadequate- it won't work.
calazhage Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I would have to think about the reason why more, but I believe for some reason, many people are very unrealistic in many ways. I have a guy that works for me whom is 20. We drive past a 500,000 dollar home,(not expensive for the area, but still not cheap) and while we commented on the uniqueness of it he added "That would be a cool starter home." As though it is just a given that one day he will be living in a gated mansion. Other guys I know feel they will be dating or marrying a woman whom looks exactly like Megan Fox, or any model they see on TV. And of course, they feel she will not be materialistic, and just love them for them, while they make their hourly wage. So, I think women are not realistic either. I think it is sad on both ends. people end up alone, because they are thinking "I don't have to settle". Well what made them think they "deserve" what the media tells them they do?
Trialbyfire Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Bear in mind that the "perfect love" for one couple, might not be the "perfect love" for others. When you have two unique individuals, a lot of the things they need from each other will differ from another couple. I do agree with Geish about the 5 fundamentals for a viable long-term relationship. As for unrealistic goals, this again will differ per individual. People limit themselves.
Still Trying Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 It's a good topic. I feel like I get stuck in cycles in my relationships. The initial passion fades and I'm either still in it, or I give up on it pretty quickly. I've been in LTR before that were destined to fail from the get go. My thought is that there are just so many choices out there for us all and any time we may feel a little disconnected from out SO it's easy to feel like meeting someone new and starting that process all over again - because we do feel like we deserve perfection. It's a silly way to think and upon further reflection often times I feel like it's a waste to start over because I've invested a lot of myself into that other person. It's easy to look at what other people have to, and want that. It all looks so good from a distance.
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