Clover Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 I have this guy that I kinda like, I know that he doesn't seem interested in me at all, but we still get along and there's no hard feelings, we still hang out sometimes because he is one of my room mates mates. I have this friend of mine who recently became single again and she is really gorgeous, I think the guy I like wants to be set up with her, but it might get kinda awkward for me. We've all been out clubbing and stuff before, but every time I have seen him meet up with girls, chat up girls I get a little jealous, but I can deal with it, with a friend it'll probably feel 10 times worse. I feel bad because I want both to be happy but it will feel too awkward for me seeing them together and I would be also thinking he would rather be with her then me. . Already am thinking that actually! My friend says she won't even consider him, I would be the same if the situation was reversed and let it go, but then I feel bad for him because he is happy to introduce me to some of he's single mates. Lol. Am I being too selfish with this?
I'm Joe Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 When I was 16 I fell deeply in love with my best freinds sister.. I thought I would wait until I was 18 and had something of a future going for me before I approached her. just a little bit before I thought I might try to spark something, another freind of mine moved in swept her off her feet. in those 2-3 years I had made a deep attachment in my mind and heart to her so to see them together and happy was like a knife in my heart every day for years... they are now married and I am just now at 24 truly getting over it. .....the lesson 1. Do your best to guard your heart from fantasies.. 2. Don't fall in love before you have a relationship, because the pain of the heartbreak will dwarf the Joy of love... it's just not work it.
bhweller Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 I do know what that feels like so I'm not trying to be a jackass, BUT I think you are adult so I will tell the truth as I now see it. Unrequited love is a very bad thing. It is not romantic and it is not healthy. Its a self-centered, self-indulgent, self-destructive ego trip. It is the prerequisite for becoming a STALKER. Sub-consciously or Consciously you are thinking that this STRANGER exists to sooth your pain and make it all better. Its a lie you are telling yourself and there is an underlying emotional problem. It may be that your only problem is loneliness, but even so, unrequited love will only block a real relationship from happening.
BCCA Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Well, to her credit, its not like he's exactly a stranger. And love is always selfish, its for you. You dont fall in love with someone for their own best interests, you do it for your own. Same with dumping someone. And to be honest, sometimes you really cant control the feelings you get for someone before its too late. We've all been there. I wouldnt go about fixing him up with anyone else, though. Yeah, that would be nice of you and all, but as much as you might think its selfish if you didnt try, its going to suck badly for you and thats where your priorities should be - doing things for you to make you happy. Its unfortunate, but we all run into these situations from time to time. I know for me, the only way to deal with it was to completely seperate myself from this other person until I had mentally moved on. I would never try and fix anyone up with whom I have or had an emotional attachment, because you would be doing so at your own expense.
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