jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 I can't shake him. Not a day goes by that he's not on my mind. I have tried to date others and do put myself out there, but I haven't made a meaningful connection, and my heart always goes back to him even though I have no contact with him whatsoever. Is there any cure for this besides amnesia?
BackonTrack2 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 I had a friend like this once, she was african. She left her FIRST love and came to the states. She was in the states for roughly 3 years and she never forgot. It wasn't until she met her CURRENT BF, did it go away or so she tells me. I to was like this, I was stuck on my EX for roughly 8 months or so, but I met this girl and we connected. It seem to KNOCK the EX right out. I think in your case, the only way you will forget is if you meet another. Those are just my two cents, but I guess you already know this.
noone Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Dear Jen, have you dated anyone in these 3 years? I'm coping with a loss as well and it's been more than 4 months. The pain just doesn't seem to go away. I wonder if I will feel this way forever. I've been reading some posts in the Coping section. I can feel many people's suffering here. People seem to post when they are in pain. Has anyone shared their new found happiness? I still have faith that the man I'm meant to be with is somewhere out there.
JooLee Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 i so know how you feel. because its what im going through right now. i cant seem to make any meaningful connection with someone new. its like my heart is like a stone towards anyone new and im unable to feel anything more than just a friendly feeling towards the person, although initially it starts out as attraction. i dont want to be with the ex, i want to move on but i find it hard shaking it off. i guess im just not ready and besides love will come when youre not expecting it and im find the way i am , its just i want to totally get him out of my system. dont worry it will all be good in time. just be strong and hold yr head up.
Blessings Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 im sorry to hear that, i have a friend who is still in love with his ex after 3 years too....im sure love will come to you, in a way or another...it isnt easy to forget someone u once loved and thats okay, no shame in that...it sucks though because its not a very pleasant feeling...thats why i want to move on as well....but not so simple...6 months for me
fooled Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Jencakes!!! Am sooooo sorry to hear that you still think of this dude. I don't like him and never have. You deserve so much better than him.
wowIlose Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I had a friend like this once, she was african. She left her FIRST love and came to the states. She was in the states for roughly 3 years and she never forgot. It wasn't until she met her CURRENT BF, did it go away or so she tells me. I to was like this, I was stuck on my EX for roughly 8 months or so, but I met this girl and we connected. It seem to KNOCK the EX right out. I think in your case, the only way you will forget is if you meet another. Those are just my two cents, but I guess you already know this. I am willing to bet this is the reason most people on here(including me) still have feelings for their exes despite months/years since the break up.
smile_through_tears Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 6 months for me and im missing him worse than ever now...freaking rediculos!
lovestory5 Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Time treats. When I parted with the guy I loved him for two years more and then forgot him, had new realtions. Everything will be all right.
Saesan Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I'm glad I saw this thread, as its been nearly 5months since my ex and I broke up, and my friends/family all seem to think that I should be over grieving by now. I guess its just nice to know there are people out there with the same sort of feelings. I'm sorry its lasted such a long time for you Jen, hopefully things will get better for you soon.
Peter_pan Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I am willing to bet this is the reason most people on here(including me) still have feelings for their exes despite months/years since the break up. yeh i also believe this. i swear its true
MotherGooze Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Same feeling, I can't forget him. He was my soulmate and best friend. It still hurts everyday, but I'm trying very hard to not let the pain kick in.
honey2910 Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I have read somewhere "If you can love yourself you cant love anyone" Right now everyone including me are in emotionally unstable state. How can we rely over happiness on some body who gives damn to us. I have realised first we have to start loving ourself and we have to keep this believe out of our mind completely that will never find someone better than him/her. Thats truly freaking. How can we say this ? I have starting loving myself... started feeling good about myself and to my amaze my whole perception has started getting positive. I miss her but only because the way I was treated in the end. How I handed over my self esteem , how I allowed myself to be treated like a doormat and sh*t...
jbb255 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 My advice start thing in the long term. Do go out and try to force love with someone else. When the right guy comes along, you will know. However, when he does come, and you identify it, you will have to trust him. My wife went through a similar situation. The love of her life was seeing someone behind her back for a year and a half. It destroyed her world. She tried to see other people, but could not take any of them seriously. She also did some things that she is not proud of today, just to be emotionally validated. I came along, and she has admitted years later that she did not see us going anywhere either. She thought that I was to good for her. I knew that I loved her, and I dealt with this for a year. It was so hard on my ego, but I gave her space and tried not to pry. I know she was still pondering "why" for that first year. She sent him a birthday card after we had been together for 10 months, I saw Google searches on the subject, and she carried a picture of the two of them that she had found in her car for a while. She was very independent, and shut me out a lot. I had almost reached my limit a couple of times. Now we are happily married, and I can see everyday how much she loves and respects me. We have a beautiful daughter. I was patient and it paid off. The other day, we somehow got on the subject of ex's, and I figured she would be able to remember details vividly. I could tell that she honestly didn't care, nor had she thought about him in a long time. My point is, the right guy will come along. It will take patients on your and his parts, but just like in my case, if he truly loves you, he will be there. Just realize that you cannot make decisions based on emotion. Right now, all of you decisions are emotional. Finally, if there is any hope in your heart that he will come back to you, stop it. You need to move on. Men like that do not change.
eclipseIDE Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I can't shake him. Not a day goes by that he's not on my mind. I have tried to date others and do put myself out there, but I haven't made a meaningful connection, and my heart always goes back to him even though I have no contact with him whatsoever. Is there any cure for this besides amnesia? Not sure if this will help(I know what youre going through) but its not written anywhere that you have to be with someione. If youre not over someone theres nothing you can do. Dont try to force it it will come eventually. Take the time to get to know yourself. Do everything you want to do in life. If you want to travel go travel. Pamper yourself. Anything it takes to make yourself happy. A lot of people wll disagree and say you need to be with someone else to get over the previous person. I think this is the weak way out of pain. Be proud of yourself that you have enough love inside you to give to have such deep feelings. Would you rather have true emotions or be selfish and not care about anyone? Hope this makes sense
suzanne2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I have to agree with eclipse. I know that I have a strange philosophy, but it has always worked for me and I try to tell all my friends that same thing as well. My husband basically told me that he was not happy and wanted a divorce, no explanation - NOTHING and I have not spoke with him in almost two months haven;t seen him in one month. Everyone says how can you move on so easily? Trust me - I have not moved on. I just refuse to live in the misery. There is no rule that says just because he does not love me that I have to stop loving him. I will continue to love him, just from a different address. Let yourself feel whatever it is you need to feel. You cannot stop it so embrace it. I have started to create new routines and started doing new things. I have even gone out on a few dates. Nothing serious, nor will it be because I am still in love with my STBXH. I just allow myself to feel sad when I need to and then I get a latte, go to the beach and post here. Time heals all things. Sometimes it just takes more time than we want to give it. Be patient...it will all be worth it:)
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