ResTechof3 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Just needing to know if there is hope still. It has been awhile since I have posted. We are still not the same. He and I sat down and talked about why we loved eachother. I flat out asked him if he still loved me as deeply as he had before and he said "I don't know how to say this without it sounding negative, I love you just not as I did before. My love will never change." He is still not affectionate and still seems to be distant at times. How can he say his love will never change when it has. He took the affection and love away after a fight and it has never returned. I have been "flirting" with the possibilty of having an affair. I have expressed on many occassions that I need that part of him and it still goes unanswered, so I see why people have affairs, if they are not getting what they desperatley need they look elsewhere. When he says I love you on the phone it comes out pretty mumbled and I can honestly say I am not sure whether I am in love with him anymore either. It has been way to long since there has been an emotional connection that I really don't care anymore. Before the sit down and talk we did have a little fight and I said that he was free to do what he wanted with whom he wanted to, and he said that he was done back in Novemember. Just a little FYI. He said that he has to take it day by day to see what is going to happen. We have been married 12 years and he says that we need to take it day by day to see if we can get back to where we were at. We went out to a dinner and movie the other night....yes it was nice but in the back of my mind I knew it was only temporary so why get to excited. Another bad thing is that I catch myself looking at other men. Some because they are VERY goodlooking and others just because. We went shopping the other night and H was so rude that it was sickening. A friend and his wife went shopping with us and the friend said that "we" the wives went to the bathroom and he shrugged his shoulders and walked away, after I returned from the bathroom I asked him if he wanted to go one way and I would go another and he said with a sneer on his face "It doesnt matter to me". So I am at a loss right now. Part of me wants to just cut my losses and start anew and the other wants to get back what we had. I am so confused right now. I even suggested that I go and stay with a friend sort of like a trial seperation and he said "do what you always do run away". I have also asked him if he wants a divorce and he says that he doesnt want to discuss it right now. I keep thinking of the good days when we really loved eachother.... So I ask is there any hope that we can get back the passion we once had or am I having wishful thinking....I am about to give up and give in to temptation.
Mr. Lucky Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 What are you doing besides wishing and hoping to fix the very real problems in your marriage? Mr. Lucky
Author ResTechof3 Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 I have tried everything on my end. He is the one who is not really putting any effort forward. I have pretty much come to terms with the ball is in his court. I can not make him do anything he doesn't want to do. All I can say is that once Pandora's box is open there is no shutting it again. I had a GF tell me she has seen a transformation of me going back into my twenties, she is seeing the wild side of me again. He had better get his butt in gear....thats were we are at right now. I have mentioned MC and he said NO, I mentioned going to go and see a priest he said NO. I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to. I have changed my look, the way I dress and carry myself. I am doing for me right now.
Mr. Lucky Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 You're obviously not getting through to him. Regardless, don't you want some resolution to your marriage before you get involved in anything else? I'm not sure how an affair does anything to clarify your situation. Don't "mention" MC, make an appointment and tell him that if he wants to stay in the marriage, he needs to go with you. Tell him that you're not willing to live in limbo any longer, that you're willing to do the work if he is. Then the ball is really in his court... Mr. Lucky
boldjack Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Yes, Don't make the horrible mistake of having an affair before you have ended your marriage. Many people say that they have affairs and that this is their" wake up call" to their spouse. It NEVER works that way. It's better to end your marriage with truth and dignity, than to have it ended for you by a sleazy cheater.
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