Truly Lost Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 I broke up with my ex just one day before New Years this year. I'm sure some people on here are familiar a little bit with my story, but I like to recap a little just so it can make some sense for people who haven't read any of my posts. There was no cheating involved in my situation. We had issues of making each other happy. Really it was just me that wasn't happy. He said, the night we broke up that he was happy and thought everything was fine. He had a previous marriage (now divorced) and two kids from that marriage that I didn't learn about till two months into the relationship. I knew it was a bad idea, but I took a chance anyway. Well, as time went on it grew increasingly obvious to me why women don't flock to men who have had a previous marriage and children (baggage). I knew the reasons, just hoped for the best because after two months I had grown feelings for him, but there were other things I wasn't aware of like....his having really BAD credit. The child support really drained him of any extra spending cash. This got me really frustrated. Anyway to make a long story short, we were together for a year and a half and I spoiled him rotten because I loved him (don't know why, just did). The only thing he gave to me was his time (he didn't give me much of anything to remind me of him). Well, with the bad credit he had, I found myself paying for a lot of things on my credit, but he promptly paid me back. This last time I paid for his car to be repaired which cost about $2500.00. On Christmas we got into a fight and a couple days later made the break up official. He didn't want to break up, but wanted some time to think. I said I can't have you string me along, its done. I guess I said that with the hopes that if he love me enough that he would eventually want to reconcile. Well, a month has passed and he kept to his word to pay me back. On Friday he sent me a text informing me that he planned to pay me a portion of what he owes me as we had previously agreed. He said he would come by on Saturday to give me the money. Well, I was really nervous about meeting up with him, because I still love him and would be torn to shreds just to have him give me the money and say see you later. So Saturday came and he texted me around 9:00 am and several times after and even called to try to schedule a time to come by. I didn't purposely ignore his calling, but I did see he was calling and was too tired to answer. I figured I would call him back when I was awake and ready. (I was up really late the night before and had taken some night time cold medicine, which really knocked me out). I didn't know he had sent the texts till I woke up really late in the day, which was about 3:30 pm, ugh! I will admit that I was scared of what I would be facing. I later called him at 4:30 pm and told him that he could come by anytime, like I had told him in a text message the previous day. He sounded sad and said he had plans now and would have to do it tomorrow. He told me he would come by at 2:00. I later sent him a text telling him that I hoped that he didn't think I was ignoring him and that I was looking forward to seeing him and sorry to miss his call. So the next day, today Sunday, he called me at 1:30 ish and told me he would be coming by. I was there and met him, somewhat in hopes that we might be able to talk. I noticed that his brother was waiting in his car, which made my heart drop. He wasn't trying to talk or really see how I was. He just handed me the money, asked he how I have been holding up and was ready to go. He even mentioned that he had left something on my back patio he needed to get. Meanwhile, excusing himself to answer several phone calls he was getting from a friend of his. This was really painful. I was floored. When he had asked how I was holding up I told him that I missed him. I had hoped that he would say he missed me too, but he didn't. We hugged for a while, but he pulled away and said he had to get going. He was gone and I was crushed. I took about an hour to collect my thoughts and decided that his coming by every month to pay me wasn't going to work because it would just rehash heartache for me. I sent him a text asking him to call me when he had a moment. About 45 minutes later he called. I told him that I wanted him to continue paying me, but hand delivering the payments was too hard for me to bare because I was left feeling used. I would prefer that he leave it in my mailbox. He was cold and offered no comfort to my distress. He further stated that we both had issues that didn't make this relationship work out. He said he understood and took my address down (because he really never committed to memory what my address was, just knew how to drive there). Before, when I asked him about mailing me payments he got defensive and thought I didn't want to be friends, so (again with hopes of reconciling) I agreed to have him hand deliver the payments. But something changed. Which was why I didn't want him to string me along to begin with. I know its over. I'm not going to contact him again. I can't, I have nothing to say and it will only hurt. I'm really heartbroken that he said he loved me through out our relationship but now has so cold heartedly dismissed me. I don't know if anyone can share any comforting support to my situation, but I would welcome any comments.
Island Girl Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Men can seem cold and heartless when they are hurting. My husband is like that when his feelings get hurt. It comes out in cold unfeeling comments. He is probably hurting too but he isn't going to show you that and be vulnerable to you. I'm sorry.
Davey McG Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 I agree with Island Girl. Having been in a similar situation I can surmise he's keeping things short and polite because you dumped him and it hurts, but want to maintain some dignity. At least you're able to be civil to eachother and there isn't a lot of shouting and yelling.
Goatsbreath Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Yes, you dumped him remember. If you want to talk about something with him its your place to initiate the contact and put yourself out there for a possible reconilation. He might have moved on or atleast come to the conclusion that hes better off with out you. Either way, if he came to the boards saying he had to meet the ex, a girl who dumped him to return some money and he wanted to be true to his word. Everyone here would tell him to be quick and bussiness like. Some might even suggest bringing someone along to make sure he didn't screw up and stay longer then he should. Sounds like hes trying to play by the rules in place that are there to help him recover.
Author Truly Lost Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 I'm not so sure I broke up with him. I think our break up was encouraged by him because he didn't try to stop it. I had asked him if he wanted to work with me on our relationship and he said, "right now, no, I need more time to think." He also added that he didn't want to string me along, so I interrupted him and said "I can't let you do that to me, I won't". Anyway, I sent him two text messages this morning asking about our break up, but he didn't reply. I then called him when I got off work, but he didn't answer...I left no message, so I sent him a text message telling him what seeing him yesterday made me feel and that I know he is ignoring me and to do what he has to. I don't know what else I can do. Most likely nothing, huh?
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