flwrgrl1 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 my boyfriend and i have been dating for a year and month now. our first two weeks in the relationship he told me that he loved me (and he started tearing - also told me that he's not an emotional person and doesn't ever cry...). i was taken aback at first because it was so fast but i was feeling it too. then about a month later he told me that i was "the one." i again felt the same way he was feeling and said it back. the first 5 months were amazing. so in love and wonderful. but then we started getting into little fights and there. and i almost tried to break up with him to "test" the relationship. but he fought it and we were good again. then fast forward a few more months and i again tried to break up with him. (maybe im just an emotional person?) but then this time he was agreeing with me. but after talking we realized that this was something good. but just a few days ago i was talking about how our lifestyles are just so different and my timeline of when i want to get married and etc (im 27, and he's 24 - my first time dating younger!) is not insync with his. and he agreed and tried to break up with me. i left abruptly and he texted me that he was so sorry. later i met up with him to talk and he told me that he just couldnt see me in his life anymore...and that he didnt know...i was devastated. but managed to convince him that since we are both still in love with each other that there is something here...but he still kept saying that i deserve better. i know for sure now that he is "the one" for me and i want to make this work. we got back together that night... but am i missing something? should i just walk away? i feel like i need to fight for this....and maybe just emotionally calm down as well...please give me advice. im struggling....
Zammo25 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 my boyfriend and i have been dating for a year and month now. our first two weeks in the relationship he told me that he loved me (and he started tearing - also told me that he's not an emotional person and doesn't ever cry...). i was taken aback at first because it was so fast but i was feeling it too. then about a month later he told me that i was "the one." i again felt the same way he was feeling and said it back. the first 5 months were amazing. so in love and wonderful. but then we started getting into little fights and there. and i almost tried to break up with him to "test" the relationship. but he fought it and we were good again. then fast forward a few more months and i again tried to break up with him. (maybe im just an emotional person?) but then this time he was agreeing with me. but after talking we realized that this was something good. but just a few days ago i was talking about how our lifestyles are just so different and my timeline of when i want to get married and etc (im 27, and he's 24 - my first time dating younger!) is not insync with his. and he agreed and tried to break up with me. i left abruptly and he texted me that he was so sorry. later i met up with him to talk and he told me that he just couldnt see me in his life anymore...and that he didnt know...i was devastated. but managed to convince him that since we are both still in love with each other that there is something here...but he still kept saying that i deserve better. i know for sure now that he is "the one" for me and i want to make this work. we got back together that night... but am i missing something? should i just walk away? i feel like i need to fight for this....and maybe just emotionally calm down as well...please give me advice. im struggling.... This is similar to me and my ex who I still long to see again after 5 weeks apart. She finished with me several times over the three and a half years and I can see now it was because I was not taking the relationship forward as quickly as she wantewd and in her eyes was not committing. I was committed in my mind but as we did not live together and I did not propose I think she thought I was not committed. Maybe the splits were like you testing the relationship. I fought so hard everything to get her back but the same thing kept on repeating itself. 2008 was a horrendous year for my business and really derailed any plans I could make due to lack of money and lack of prospects that things would get better anytime soon. She thought these were excuses but they were genuine factors. All I can say is that everything you split up with him it weakens the relationship everything as he will feel, like I did, that how can you do that if you love someone ?. I did not finish with her, well once and she caming running back to me !, how ironic, the other 6 times she dumped me. I can make you start to question the other persons love for you and this was a factor in being wary of proposing. We did talk about marriage and I proposed in a crap way but thought we would be together for 2009 and I brought the ring ( its on my desk ) ready to porpose in a romantic way on valentines day. Alas I did not get the chance. Also never, ever give the other person I chance to get in there and dump you by giving them a get out option which is what you did. If they had any doubts they would take you up on the offer to finish it. I made this mistake also.
endangeredreams Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 good luck! My boyfriend and I went through something similar, where I was wanting things he wasnt giving. Looking back I realize it had a lot to do with outside factors on both our parts. he is military and the possibility of him needing to ship out at a moments notice is very real. Two of my best friends got engaged within months of each other. Most of our friends were married. In all honesty I wasn't (am not) ready to get married. I have my own carreer to focus on, am enjoying being my own person. But I want to know that someday the possiblity of when I AM ready he will be too, is there. (I'm the type of person who plans things years into the future.) He looks at it as "if I'm not ready now, I may never be..." He probolly WILL be, he was raised to respect things like marriage and want things like children, and DOES want those things, just not NOW. he says to me now, I am so glad we didnt break up. we still arent talking about marriage, and Im ok with it. In fact kinda relieved. Don't forget. He is only 24. and guys mature slower. so he's probolly where you were when you were 21. were you ready for the level of commitment you are asking for at 21?
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