pr-girl Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 So, I met this guy online. He's a news reporter/ anchor. I'm in PR and we relate to each other very well. Ridiculous schedules, networking, etc. We have very opposite schedules, however. He works very late and I work very early; therefore, we don't get to speak often. We text a lot. Almost every day. It's been going on about 4 weeks and we've met once. We spent about 5 hours out together and had a wonderful time. I even sacrificed sleep for it. I'm not sure if he's used to being the pursuer, because it seems as though he's used to being hit on. He pursued me, though - online. Since he wasn't familiar with online dating, he didn't really know how to proceed, so I eventually asked to meet him out. The day we were supposed to hang out (our actual first date, after our initial meeting), he got called out to a major accident and had to report. We had to cancel our date. He had mentioned how he had the next day and the day after off for us to hang out. The problem is, he hasn't called. Today is the day after he cancelled our date. Should I be worried? We were supposed to go out yesterday and he had to work - that is what happens in news. But, why didn't he call today? Why would he bring up how he was off today and tomorrow if he had no plans to see me either day? He always texts and never calls. We spoke on the phone once about 2 weeks ago and he hasn't called since. Is he just not that into me?
Author pr-girl Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 I've thought that too, but so am I. I have one of my musicians coming in town this week and I'll be very busy all week and weekend. It probably won't be another 2 weeks until we really get a chance to see each other, because my client will be in town and the fact that this guy works so late, it's rough for me to meet up with him when he gets off work. I really dig him, but I don't know how he feels about me. It's so new, so maybe I'm just being silly, but he said he was really looking forward to seeing me yesterday and was pissed he had to work. So, why wouldn't he reschedule with me?
dreamergrl Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Maybe he wants to be sure it's a day that can be counted on
Author pr-girl Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 Maybe he wants to be sure it's a day that can be counted on Hmmm... you may be onto something here. I did say last night that Saturday was the better day for me since I don't have to work the next day. Sunday and Monday - I do work the next day. Maybe he thought I'd decline since I had to work the following day?
dreamergrl Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Yeah, like he wants to make it happen when you both can do it. And if you work opposite schedules, it probably wont be that often. Are you alright with that, if that's the case?
Author pr-girl Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 I really am ok with that, as long as I know he wants me. Does that make sense? I've always been a bit "on my own." Usually, I date guys out of state. Mainly because it's easier to deal with my schedule and relationship. But, I really like this guy. I can make time, but it's rough during the week. He gets off work around midnight and I awake around 7am. The one time we have hung out, I met up with him at midnight and stayed out until 5am. I had 2 hours of sleep prior to work. I'm ok with us seeing each other a couple times a week, as long as we correspond often.
dreamergrl Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 I would think that lack of sleep will catch up to you eventually. If it's what you want go for it.
Author pr-girl Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 That was more of an impulse thing. He had asked me out the night before and i declined since I was tired. I was already out that night for a work event, so I reached out to him, he cancelled his plans with a friend and met up with me. we had a great time. I have since told him weekdays are rough on me and he understands. That is why I want to meet on weekends now. Maybe it's because i like him that I'm disappointed I didn't see him this weekend. i totally understand he had to work, but I'm kinda bummed. Especially since I may not be able to see him this coming weekend with my client in town and all.
dreamergrl Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Well that doesn't sound bad if you can make it work on the weekends. Give him some time to respond and see what happens. It's always hard to tell at first. I mean, crap, I have issues just having that first date lol
Author pr-girl Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 So, the guy texted me last night. Nothing about rescheduling a date. As a matter of fact, he was just answering a question he noticed he left unanswered the day prior. I was very nonchalant and told him I was out with colleagues and was later going to watch my client's performace at a local lounge. I said he was welcome to join and he texted me back, "You should've told me earlier!!!" Well, it seems he never can see me when I do invite him. I'm getting the feeling he's just not that into me. Is it wrong I want HIM to initiate the next meeting? I've already asked him out and he had to work. If he really wanted to see me, wouldn't he pick up the phone and tell me that?
dreamergrl Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 No, I don't think it's wrong that you want that. In fact, I think he should be putting in the effort if he wants to see you. I personally think, still, you should move on.
prettybaby Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Is it wrong I want HIM to initiate the next meeting? I've already asked him out and he had to work. If he really wanted to see me, wouldn't he pick up the phone and tell me that? I don't think you're wrong. I would, however, tell him flat out that the next date is up to him, and he's free to call me and make arrangements when it suits him best. Don't play games. Be clear and leave it at that. A lot of guys just don't get subtle stuff like girls do. So put all the cards down on the table so he knows where he's standing too. If he doesn't plan a date after that, then it will be clear for both parties involved.
Author pr-girl Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 What I've noticed is that if I don't reach out to him within a day or two, he reaches out to me. It's like he's waiting for me to do the initiating. He's 30 and I'm going to be 33. Although he's younger than I, he is still in his 30's. I can't help but feel like he's playing a game with me. I think you may be right. Next time he reaches out to me, I'll tell him that he seems very busy and he can reach out to me anytime if he has time open. (Then, it's up to me if I want to meet him.)
carhill Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Hey pr-girl, glad to see you back, what with LV being all the rage here on LS right now This fish? Hmm, I think I'd raise my stock a bit by leaving things as they are for now. You both sound really busy. Here's the key thing....when two people have genuine mutual interest, they expand their time for each other. It doesn't matter whether they're dating, living together or are married. If that interest is there, time expands. IMO, a real man courts a woman in person and, lacking that immediacy due to circumstance, over the phone. Texting/e-mail/IM is just for logistics. The meat of the romance is in the touch, the eyes and the voice. If he's not jonesing for that touch, to look in your eyes, and hear your voice, then, in my considered opinion, he's not really attracted at the base level needed to grow a relationship. I know it's tough to meet guys in Vegas. We have good friend who's a native and works in your biz there and it's just brutal to hear her war stories. She has a daughter your age but, hey, she's not dead yet! Anyway, given all the LS ladies good luck this year, I think your ship is going to come in.
Author pr-girl Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 If he's not jonesing for that touch, to look in your eyes, and hear your voice, then, in my considered opinion, he's not really attracted at the base level needed to grow a relationship. Hey, Carhill. I'm so happy you found my post. You always have such great advice. I considered what you wrote. I actually believe it as well. But, why would he flirt constantly if he wasn't attracted to me? Do some men just enjoy the non-threatening interaction of text message? I know he gets hit on a lot. He's young, ambitious, and in the public eye. Why does he continue to reach out to me if he isn't interested? There is something that keeps nagging at me. We met on an online dating site. We lost touch when his subscription expired. He didn't know how to contact me. I saw him out one night, but didn't approach him. The next day, I saw him on the news and emailed him on the news website. He responded right away and said the dating site scared him off, but that I was the one girl he would have wanted to continue chatting with. We corresponded for about a week and a half before I gave him my number. When he called me, he said he receives hundreds of emails from women just wanting to reach out. He said he never thought I actually wanted to meet him. When I said I did, he said he definitely wanted to as well. So, we met. He was flirtatious and it seemed as though he liked me. He even asked for me to text him that I got home safely that night. Ever since then, he texts, but never calls. We had the date planned, but work got in the way. I know how media works. I've worked in it for 10 years. I know he's busy - as am I. He knows the weekdays are hard for me, so I understand if he doesn't ask me out during the week. But, he hasn't even tried to make another date. Is he waiting for me to contact him? I guess I'm just gonna chalk this up to him not wanting me.
Charles1978 Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 I don't care what this guy does for a living... if he's telling you that he has "hundreds" of women "reaching out" to him... it sounds to me like he enjoys telling women these kind of things because he enjoys the attention and stringing them along. He's probably full of it. If the guy wanted you, there would be no excuses... he would find the time, believe me. Take him off his pedestal and see what happens.
Star Gazer Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 So, I met this guy online. He's a news reporter/ anchor. We spoke on the phone once about 2 weeks ago and he hasn't called since. Is he just not that into me? I'm inclined to agree with your gut instinct on this one. He's a news reporter/anchor, I really, really, really doubt that he's shy.
Author pr-girl Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 I don't care what this guy does for a living... if he's telling you that he has "hundreds" of women "reaching out" to him... it sounds to me like he enjoys telling women these kind of things because he enjoys the attention and stringing them along. He's probably full of it. If the guy wanted you, there would be no excuses... he would find the time, believe me. Take him off his pedestal and see what happens. I agree. This is why I've stopped initiating any contact. I think there may be a bit of an ego problem here. I think he thinks I'm going to chase him, but I'm just as busy - if not more. He just happens to have a job where if major news occurs, he has to JUMP. That doesn't make him special. He would be lucky to have someone who understands his lifestyle such as I. Not many women will be able to handle his schedule. I'm taking your advice. It's his turn to show what he wants. If he can't, then it's his loss.
Author pr-girl Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 I'm inclined to agree with your gut instinct on this one. He's a news reporter/anchor, I really, really, really doubt that he's shy. He seems just as outgoing as I am. We have so much in common. We know many of the same people. He's asked around to find out more about me - they told me. He is event he one who initially approached ME online. He says he likes that I understand his schedule and he understands mine. We are very much alike in hobbies, food, passions, etc. Why the "F" can't he pick up the phone? That's the million dollar question. I can't help but think of the book, "He's Just Not That Into You." Right? Haha.
carhill Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Is he involved with someone else? Something tells me.... He responded right away and said the dating site scared him off, but that I was the one girl he would have wanted to continue chatting with. So, you're saying hundreds of women contacted him on the dating site and that scared him? Can I pay him to use that line? I'm so popular it scares me Seriously, and maybe this underscores my lack of success with women....when I'm interested in a woman, I'm not comparing her to any other women, whether it be two or "hundreds". The mention of other women does not even enter the conversation. Personally, I'd love to see his "phone book". So, now that I've ragged on him enough, what to do? The next time he "reaches out" to you via text, text back "call me" and nothing else. Then, if he does, impress upon him that you like a man in your life who has time to embrace you and be with you, even if for an hour when time permits. Tell him when he's ready to be that man to call you and ask you out properly and make a commitment he can keep The best way to be valued is to present yourself as a woman of value. Men marry b!tches for a reason
Author pr-girl Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 Is he involved with someone else? Something tells me.... The best way to be valued is to present yourself as a woman of value. Men marry b!tches for a reason I don't think he's with someone else because he texts me after work for hours sometimes. When he was out with me the one night, he never texted anyone. He paid attention to me and looked only at me. As for the "hundreds of emails," he meant it as a fanbase. I'm not sure if he said "women" or "people." But, what he meant was that most people just reach out to him because he was just on tv, not to meet him. The emails that "scared him off" were on Match.com. He said women were pushy or unintelligent or completely sexually open and it scared him. I can completely understand this. He's also a Facebook friend of mine. He doesn't have that many women on his page - so, I don't think that is the issue. What I don't understand is that it seems as though he doesn't know HOW to date. He calls me "timid" on text. I am SO not. Also, when I initially asked him out, we went back and forth for hours joking about it and other stuff. Eventually, only after I was annoyed, I text him, "So are you free Saturday? If you're busy, no worries. Just tell me." Then he responded, "Yes, Ms. C, I would love to spend time with you on Saturday. :)" I then responded, "OMG. That only took 5 hours to get out of you!" Then he wrote, "It took 5 hours for you to spit it out! It was painful - like watching a young deer learn how to walk." What this interaction tells me is that he loves to play games and that he was waiting for ME to ask HIM out. (Keep in mind, I wasn't begging for a date for 5 hours. We had discussed us meeting up among other things in the interim).
carhill Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Yeah, if he was a virgin and not in TV, I might believe his smack What I'm doing, honestly, is comparing the dynamic to when I was his age, still a virgin and awkward as all get out with women. I'm trying to reconcile how someone with the confidence and appearance to garner a on-air position could be so inept at simple interpersonal relations. I guess anything is possible. Did I tell you the story about the 10 hour phone date where I got engaged, married and divorced all in one phone call? I don't know who was more psychotic, me or her. I do know it was me who finally hung up Desperation is a word I would now ascribe to myself at that point. You're a smart, successful and attractive woman. Send those signals out. The right man will pick up on them and give you the interaction that you want. That's what I told my wife's friend (the one from Vegas) when we were up at Clear Lake (see my 3 cats and a mouse journal) and she was lamenting her lack of success with men. The only thing I noted was a vibe from her (not her actions, but rather my experience of her aura) that said "stay away". I recognize the aura because I once presented such an aura ("closed" would be a good descriptor) and wondered why I was alone all the time. Bla, bla, happy to know ya and yeah I talk too much Wait for him to call you and ask you out on a real date. If you feel positive, make the time. Do not pursue him. That's my nickel
Author pr-girl Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 The only thing I noted was a vibe from her (not her actions, but rather my experience of her aura) that said "stay away". I recognize the aura because I once presented such an aura ("closed" would be a good descriptor) and wondered why I was alone all the time. Wait for him to call you and ask you out on a real date. If you feel positive, make the time. Do not pursue him. That's my nickel Hmmm... I must admit, I have been having major difficulty opening up since my LDR ended. I'm sure you remember that story. I was completely heartbroken and closed off for about a year following. It's now a year later and I'm starting to open up. Opening up to dating again, not to letting my guard down. A couple other guys are making efforts with me right now, but both have done things that have turned me off. This guy has so many wonderful qualities, but the one thing that annoys me is that he can't pick up the phone and ask me out. It sucks when the one you want isn't showing you the attention. Ha. A guy buddy of mine told me that when the other guys don't call for a couple days, I don't care, but for some reason I put this guy at a higher standard and expect him to call because I like him more. Maybe I need to think of him as a guy I don't really like. That way, I won't be disappointed.
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