monkophile Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Okay, I know you guys are going to be like "boy, her life is soooo sad" and I'll be the first one to agree with you. That's why I'm hoping people could offer me tips on what to do. I am a 25 virgin (not like I'm ashamed to be a virgin or anything). I have only had one "technical" boyfriend and that was when I was around 14. That was also the last time I have kissed a guy. When I say "technical" I mean the guy considered himself my boyfriend - I didn't really feel ready, but we dated and went out and he gave me stuff for about six months...there was a guy I went to high school with that I really liked, but he only considered me a friend so I don't count that. What can I do to meet guys? Obviously I'm very rusty in the dating and kissing scene. I am very shy. I don't go to bars cause I don't drink and I don't go to those dance places cause I'm a horrible dancer and they're usually too crowded for my comfort zone. I wouldn't say I'm beautiful - I'm petite and "cute" - not some blonde-haired, blue-eyed bombshell that most guys tend to go after. I'm also very mature for my age. I'm also a little afraid of those internet dating sites because I hear all the time of stalkers. Sorry, lol, I guess I don't give you guys much to go on.
kdark Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 "...and he gave me stuff." What does that mean?
Author monkophile Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 "stuff" meaning gifts, like on my birthday and at the "school store", like ring pops - stuff like that.
zenith Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Cheer up. You're only 25, it's not too late to start dating seriously.
Author monkophile Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 Yeah, I guess it's partly that a lot of my high school friends are already married and have kids and also that I'm in a new city where there are no family near here. Nobody has visited me yet and I guess I'm just feeling kinda lonely. That and I tend to feel this down whenever stupid valentine's day is around...ugh, such an over-rated holiday.
RRyan65 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Urrrgh... You're not holding on to your virginity for a reason right? It's just circumstance? At 25 and still a virgin, I don't know what to say. It's not like you should give it away to some random idiot, but at the same time IT IS what is holding you back from being a serious dating candidate, because it effects your worldview, seriously. As long as you are a virgin, you'll feel like a small part of you has yet grown up and everyone else is above you in the sex and dating department. This can be intimidating. You can tell this is true because at 25, you consider your 14y/o relationship as something comparable as to what you'd have today. That relationship was meaningless.
Green Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 so I'm curious and please don't feel the need to answer but how tall are you and what do you weigh?
I'm Joe Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 I'm in the same situation (sort of) as you... I'm 24 and a virgin, I never go out to clubs or bar.... mostly because I hate them but also because I don't drink.... the only difference is I'm not shy at all..... being a male version of you let me tell you how I get through... CRYSTAL METH!!!! Kidding!!! Actually I just realized that I get through because I just don't care....this will most likely not be a viable solution for most people so I would recommend making friends as fast as possible and getting them "in" on your situation and having them hook you up with other friends of theirs.... I am bombarded non-stop every day with "Hey dude I know this girl you should totally meet" another Idea is to start going some place regularly. Go to a gas station or a restaurant or a store of some kind and eyeball all the hot dudes... find one you like and make it a regular destination of yours... then you and the gas jockey "Carl" will be on hot dates in no time.
Viking Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Urrrgh... You're not holding on to your virginity for a reason right? It's just circumstance? At 25 and still a virgin, I don't know what to say. It's not like you should give it away to some random idiot, but at the same time IT IS what is holding you back from being a serious dating candidate, because it effects your worldview, seriously. As long as you are a virgin, you'll feel like a small part of you has yet grown up and everyone else is above you in the sex and dating department. This can be intimidating. You can tell this is true because at 25, you consider your 14y/o relationship as something comparable as to what you'd have today. That relationship was meaningless. What if the reason is a religious/moral reason? Why does someone need to be sexually frivolous just to get dates? Coming from your perspective, I am also being held back. However, I am not shy, so I am not being held back by my choice in sexual promiscuity. She doesn't need to have sex with whatever is out there just so that she can get dates. Those are called hos. Maybe that's your "type", so you probably shouldn't give advice to her. Anyways, he is right about your relationship at age 14. That's before you even got out of high school. If you aren't an ugly, one legged whale or a woman beast with hairy moles and a one eyed woman, you'll be able to break from your shell. Best thing to do is to look around your place of work for co-workers who seem to be somewhat outgoing and see if you could tag along to their hangouts with them. They'll introduce you to people and so on and so forth.
RRyan65 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 What if the reason is a religious/moral reason? Why does someone need to be sexually frivolous just to get dates? Coming from your perspective, I am also being held back. However, I am not shy, so I am not being held back by my choice in sexual promiscuity. Well if people hold back for religious reasons, than don't even ponder on getting a date outside of the church community. If its for religious reasons, I know the perfect place to go to meet like-minded singles. Now, if you are curious of how things work in the large of society, than what I suggest to self-restrained virgins is: You have no chance. Just because a young adult doesn't want to wait until marriage to have sex with others, doesn't mean they are "hoes", nor does it necessarily classify them as "frivolous" or "promiscuous". Nothing feels more natural. You are definitely being held back, friend. Let me tell you, there is nothing better than going on a couple of dates with a new girl, going back to her place, and during sex hear those sweet words in your ear: "**** me."
torranceshipman Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Hey girlie, You have nothing to feel bad about...you've just moved a bit slower than most, but so what! I would 100% recommend internet dating, esp. if you don't know anyone in your city yet. The worst thing thats ever happened to me on internet dating is a boring date - I've made a best friend on there as well, and have had countless entertaining days or evenings out courtesy of some nice young man! I don't get physical or serious with about 97% of the guys I meet!-so it isnt about that for me...its just nice social stuff really. But make sure you ONLY use sites that you pay for as I think the free ones are where you get the weirdos! And secondly, I also completely recommend joining a gym-on the evenings where you have nothing to do, hit the gym or pool or sauna and its a nice way of filling up evenings and even meeting people, and hitting up ALL the local groups on Facebook for your area....join a network on Facebook and then add loads of new people...its a good way to make buddies or at least get local recommendations for good sites to see, places to go, stuff to avoid, etc.... Good luck!
BoredPerson Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 This thread is useless without a picture. You are exactly the type of girl I would be looking for judging by the description of your dating history. So don't give up hope.
torranceshipman Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Of course this thread isnt useless without a picture-what a shallow thing to say! What is hot to one person is not hot for another - i.e. beauty is in the eye of the beholder, AND then you need to get to know a person to fall for them, to know if there is chemistry, to be compatible, etc...so a photo isnt needed for this thread. Plus if someone is ONLY interested in your looks they probably just ant a fling anyway. Also I've got 2 friends who are 'larger ladies', wo always felt low in confidence and didnt have many boyfriends...and now both have found guys who think they are totally hot (on Match)!! Its not all about the stereotype 'cute' look...
Author monkophile Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 Green - I'm not ashamed to give that: I'm 4'11'' and weigh around 105 lbs. but I don't weigh myself all the time cause I don't fret about it. And no I am not anorexic - I checked with my doctor when I was in high school (cause HS girls can be so cruel) and she said I was the perfect weight for all the bigger I am. Viking - thank you! I am a devout Christian and plan on waiting until marriage. If a guy truly loves me, he'll wait.
melodymatters Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Green - I'm not ashamed to give that: I'm 4'11'' and weigh around 105 lbs. but I don't weigh myself all the time cause I don't fret about it. And no I am not anorexic - I checked with my doctor when I was in high school (cause HS girls can be so cruel) and she said I was the perfect weight for all the bigger I am. Viking - thank you! I am a devout Christian and plan on waiting until marriage. If a guy truly loves me, he'll wait. Well there you go ! You just need to find another devout christian in your new area ! I know that there are lots of chances for religious people to get together, I assume you've already joined a church ? Also look into campus crusade for christ, they have lots of getaway weekends with people around your age. this seems like it shouldn't be too hard, given that you have the Christian frame of reference to work in !
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Green - I'm not ashamed to give that: I'm 4'11'' and weigh around 105 lbs. but I don't weigh myself all the time cause I don't fret about it. And no I am not anorexic - I checked with my doctor when I was in high school (cause HS girls can be so cruel) and she said I was the perfect weight for all the bigger I am. Viking - thank you! I am a devout Christian and plan on waiting until marriage. If a guy truly loves me, he'll wait. A good friend of mine didn't meet his wife until he was 29... that's a long time for a guy to be a virgin. He had lots of people make fun of him for it, but his wife is the same way just 2 years younger. Don't worry about men right now. If you can be happy without someone... it will make things all the better when you do have someone. It's very true that when a guy really loves you... he will wait. All that stuff about testing for compatibility is a lie. If he loves your heart, mind, and soul... he will wait.
Enema Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 That limits your options really to either: 1) Church 2) Christian Dating sites/agencies 3) Volunteer / Charity work
Green Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 You actually sound pretty cute and I'm sorry you were teased. Now for the next question that will posibly insult you and you should feel free to decline answering how far will you go sexually? will you make out? can their be touching? and do you do some of the thing like bj's?
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