attaboy Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 since i started dating i always felt i had difficulties expressing myself well and being a good boyfriend. Infact i think when i started out i was a terrible boyfriend, but i couldnt help but notice all the reocurrences this time around and decided to be as open about it as i could. I have some problems, i think its hard to sum it up here in a couple of paragraphs but basically its like this: i moved to argentina to be with my girlfriend and we moved in together and things started up great, but slowly i started getting these feelings again, feelings of being left out, perhaps feelings of jealousy and feelings of anger. I think this has to do with my upbringing because i noticed that a lot of the ways i treated my girlfriend was how my dad was to me and i hate myself even while i write this because i cannot believe my actions. I treated her badly and started off the relationship fighting regularly with her, it was like my emotions controlled me. I would go out with her and her friends and get into a fight and embaress her or just be in a bad mood. I almost wanted to sabotage her in a way.... even when her mom came to stay with us i wasnt completely great to her either. My girlfriend is a great person and i know i have been very wrong so i spent a lot of time crying and looking inside trying to figure myself out and i did become a lot better but i still dont think i managed to pull it off quite right this time round because she moved out and now she has left to costa rica. we are still together but i think she is slowly distancing herself from me because she cant break up with me, she loves me too much but i think she sees that i have brought her more pain than joy, and i feel disgusted in myself. its like i am another person in my relationships. i hate that person.... i become cold, unwilling to go out and have fun.... i dont know if i know what it means to love someone because perhaps i never was shown that in the right way.. i so desperately want to be good and give her the love she deserves, is this possible?? is it possible to change all these emotions and feelings and learn how to react well and appropriately?? or are these things engrained in our childhood from young age. thanks for reading, sorry about the long post but to be honest this isnt even the half of it. i cant afford a psycologist so i was hoping to get help online. is this the right placE?? thanks
FRECKS Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I'd say you need to go see a counsellor or a psych because your issues are with your father and how he treated you - thus is the reason why you dont know how to undestand your behaviour towards your girlfriend. Dont resent her because she cares for you in the way your father didnt. You need to make a conscious decision whether you want to fix yourself because you will only break her and this will be a reflection of your father - something you dont want to be. You need to break the cycle and admit that your behaviour towards her is not something you want to do and then take the steps you need to so you can begin liking yourself, stop playing the blame game (saying its your dads fault) youre an adult now and you are able to make decisions for yourself so make the right ones that will be beneficial firstly to yourself and then to your girlfriend, you need to think about the positive points of your personality and focus on them and reiterate the pain you felt towards your father and manipulate that into knowledge to recognise the person you want to be and not the person you think you are:D
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