Deejay88 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 **Sorry so long!*** As a freshman in college, I met a guy who had a girlfriend (they were on a break). He contacted her to break up with her when he met me, and we began dating. We dated for 2 and a half years, and I was jealous of girls he would talk to because I felt he would leave me for someone else. He would flirt, and I would get upset and ask him if he couldn't control himself around them then for him not to hang around them. He got upset that I was "taking away all his friends" but this never happened with his many guy friends. I felt hurt and he wouldn't see my side or apologize or try to rekindle our feelings. I didn't have guy friends, the one I had he asked me to give up because the guy was flirting with me, and I did. I met one of his friends (girl) and we hit it off- we were both very friendly and I liked her, I never minded him hanging out with her. Recently this girl was in a play. He asked if we could go, and I wanted to but the timing wouldn't work for me, so I suggested he go with some friends. None of them could make it either, so he told me he would go alone, and in addition, that he would spend the night in her apartment. I wasn't comfortable with that so I asked him to go next time she was in a play (which is often). He said he would go no matter what, that I couldn't pick his friends. I was hurt he didn't care, so I cancelled my plans and went with him. The play was a bunch of women on stage in lingerie- I was so furious we both couldn't talk about it, so we said we would discuss it later when we were calmer. Come Christmas, he is at his home with family up north, where this girl lives. He told me he is seeing a movie with friends, when I ask who, he lies ("nobody"). He finally tells me it was with her, alone. I am furious and tell him not to go- why would he lie if it was innocent and we both said we would always be truthful? Turns out, it isnt the only lie. He said he wasn't talking to her and I found out she was messaging him- and talking bad about me. We fought a ton and he lied a ton. After we broke up and he wanted to get back together, I told him we wouldn't work without a clean slate and he finally told me the truth: he told me he would call her every time we had problems to talk about me, and they would BOTH talk bad about me. Then, he tells me he used to like her (for "2 weeks"), and asked her if she liked him. This was when we were not fighting and were actually living together, and he was away on a 2 week business trip alone. He said he still liked me also through all of it. Now, he says he doesn't like her and that he wants us to be truly truthful about everything and go to counselling to save our relationship. I am afraid because I am feeling very lonely (in a college town with no other friends or family) and I worry he likes her, that he will still have feelings for her (he insists he will not give her up for me). What do I do? Will counseling work? Can a liar be honest? Or am I being hopeful to the point of stupid?
EmperorR Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 It can work if you both truely want to, but it will take alot of work for you to trust him again fully, and is that worth it for you? If you really do care about him adn your relationship then try counseling it won't hurt and maybe you will learn more about yourself, him and your relationship .
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