Love Lockdown.

[Gangsta Chic]

I know this is gonna be long. Just read it and help me out.

 

Okay, don't get me wrong. I know thousands of girls a day are asking questions on here but I need advice.

 

I'm stuck. I don't even know where to begin but I'm really really stuck.

 

I just recently got over this guy who was a lot older then me and there was absolutely no chance of us being together and he was getting old so i just let it go. (He was this untouchable baseball player, yet it wasn't one of those stupid teen crushes. There was a lot more to the situation then that.)

 

It took a long time (3 years) but he's a thing of the past now and I am ready to move on.

 

Around the time I was getting over this guy, I tried to find a new guy to "obsess" over and I got stuck in a really tricky situation. I was doing some searches on google. I sort of have this fascination with modeling so I was looking up models just out of curiosity to see what was in fashion and stuff.

 

I came upon this guy. I read his bio and saw almost every photo from all the shoots he did and I was so inspired by his work and his personality and everything about him. He's not another "guy." He's like this new huge thing in my life. He's like the whole she-bang and I'm not even kidding. It's like, he's so gorgeous that it hurts just to look at him and when i look at his work and his photos I'm just so..... I can't even explain it. I have such a weird life. I go to a horrible school and I'm not living the life i really want to have. But then I'll take a moment every day to look at this guy's portfolio of photos on the modeling agency sites and I'll actually feel ALIVE again.

 

Hell, I don't know him too well. Obviously I've never met him. I've seen him on myspace and facebook. We added each other and all that jazz but I haven't really sent him anything. He's got a girlfriend. He's got a baby and I don't even know if it's his girlfriend's baby or not. His girlfriend has myspace/facebook too and they're always in touch on these sites and everything. They say a lot of weird stuff. Like, the girl will pick on him and all and send him comments that kind of get me pissed off. He'll act a little bit concited sometimes and be like "I'M A TOP MODEL" and he'll cuss and be fresh with his gf and pop-culture/fashion buddies of his. Yet his girlfriend isn't even really a model. She's not in any business like that. She's actually kind of plain looking.

 

Okay, I know you might be thinking I sound like a fool for going after another untouchable person. But I can't see myself going after a person who doesn't have some kind of cool title. I'm very high maintenance, I'm picky, I hate most guys I meet because a lot of guys now days are slobs. My taste (in men) is VERY unique. You can't really find a guy for me anywhere unless you're in a really upscale place like New York or something. I'm hard to get, pretty much.

 

And this guy isn't a celebrity or anything. He's pretty unknown unless you're a fashion/photo/new york city junkie like me. And I have been through SO much with my previous "love" or whatever you want to call it with this other "you can't have me" jock/baseball freak.

 

This guy, the model, is just so different. I feel like he's just so good for me because he's so strong and independent unlike most guys out there. I guess I wanna say I love him but he's so far away. I've been fantasizing about him all the time now and I want to talk to him but I don't want to freak him or his girlfriend out or something. I don't want people to think i'm stalkerish. I just want to message him on facebook but I can't think of what i should tell him. What if he tells his girlfriend or what if he rejects me? It's not like i think im gonna marry him. It's just that i want to talk to him and see what he's all about.

 

I know this is sort of weird. Just try to work with me on this one. Please don't give me dumbass answers saying It's not love and I'm rediculous for putting so much energy into this. Believe me, I know what love feels like.

 

Basically, the question is, what should I say to him? I want to grasp his attention yet I don't want to startle him and freak him out. And if he rejects me what do i do? I want to stand out a little and make him think a little. But meanwhile, I don't want to piss off his girl (or him) Yikes.

[Seerubyfall]

Hi Chic -

 

I stumbled on your post when I was googling for something else and got side-tracked. It just broke my heart and I had to register and reply. Obviously, I don't know you so feel free to take this with a grain of salt, or not take it at all, as you prefer.

 

You remind me so much of the lonely, unhappy person I used to be it almost made me want to cry. There was a time I was in a ***tty job, with no friends, no money, hole of an apartment, not headed anywhere. At that time, all I had were fantasies - and boy did I have them! I dreamed about different men at different times. I was at various times madly in love with, among others, Anthony Kiedis, Trent Reznor, and Adam Cartwright (yes, from Bonanza). It was an escape for me - one that I desperately needed. I think you're doing the same thing.

 

If you want my advice (and hey, you were asking for advice after all), don't contact this guy at all. You're "obsessing" over him because you're not happy with your life and you've got nothing better to do. It sounds like he's happy where he is, so just leave him alone and don't run the risk of freaking him out. Again, not trying to be on a soap-box, just giving my opinion.

 

My advice is to work on making your own life better. You didn't say how old you are, but if you're a teenager - just hang in there man. You obviously are an intelligent woman with a lot of drive. You should find what you are passionate for and dedicate yourself to that rather than some guy - you will find the rest of the pieces fall into place.

 

That's what I did, incidentally. I now have a job I love, a great apartment, and just bought a vacation house. And I have a fiance who doesn't mind if I occasionally get all dreamy-eyed when I watch Bonanza :-)

 

You sound like you're smart and sensitive, and you know who you are. That's important. Whatever you do, I wish you all the best.

 

Cheers!

Ruby

[Gangsta Chic]

Hey Ruby.

 

Thanks for taking the time to reply. It's good to know there are some people out there who understand.

 

And you're right. I'm pretty sure of who i am and all that. I am a teenager and I am a lot younger then I act and look. Usually when I meet people they think I'm 18.

 

But yes, this big thing with love sort of is something that makes my life interesting. But it's not exactly that. I just feel really sure about this guy even though I know where you are coming from when you say that I am using this guy as an escape from my crappy life. To be honest, I don't think I really am using him as an escape or entertainment. When I feel that i am "in love" I don't take anything from anyone and I just try to get the guy that I want until there is no hope left at all.

 

As for if this guy is happy or not right now (with his girlfriend and all) I don't really know. He's still young. He just had a kid when he was 19 and he was being crazy like all teens and having unprotected sex and pop, out comes a kid. What I'm saying is, he's still young and he's having fun with his life.

 

I don't know how to describe what happens when I fall in love with someone. It gets really crazy and dramatic. So yeah...that's basically it.

[youngandinlove]

:laugh:You sound just like a mix of me and my bestfriend! Are you a Sagittarius ? Whats your sign? Your nuts, just like me I really enjoyed reading your post it actually made me laugh and thinkto myself, huh there are people in this world who are crazy and as accentric as me!!

[Seerubyfall]

Grins and giggles at both of you There certainly can never be too much love in the world, and as long as what you are doing truly makes you happy then you keep right on doing it!

 

Chic - you've got style! I thought I might try to refine what I was trying to say before. As before, feel free to ignore. I never claimed to be a wise woman... ;-)

 

You are intelligent, thoughtful and eloquent. Those are rare qualities in someone your age. I think you've got a lot of mental potential that right now you are spending on fantasies about a stranger you'll probably never meet. (It's possible he's The One and you'll live Happily Ever After, but you've got to admit the odds are against it.)

 

If you did what I wish I had done, you would work on developing yourself first. Be the most fantastic, unique person at what you do, and the unique, fanastic kind of guys you would want will be falling all over themselves obsessing over you. If you spend all your time thinking about someone else, then that person will define your life (even if they don't mean to). You are smart enough and strong enough to define your own life. If this guy is The One, then he will still be there when you're ready for him.

 

Now, I remember being a teenager -it wasn't that long ago- so I don't have any illusions you'll take this advice, but thanks for listening! It made me feel better to get that off my chest :-) I remember my mother telling me I could do anything I set my mind to, and I just rolled my eyes at her. If I had realized then that she was right who knows where I could have been today!! So I hope you figure out what you want to do early, and then set about doing it.

 

Whatever you do, I hope you'll be happy with the choices you make.

 

Cheers!

Ruby

[Gangsta Chic]

Yeah. I know exactly what you mean. People also tell me that I can do whatever I set my mind to but I know that things may not always work out the way I want them to.

 

Being a teenager especially sucks because I don't fit in with anyone else and I'm extremely mature and different from a lot of people. But I just take it one day at a time. I guess I'll think about what i really want to say to this guy and I'll try to talk to him. But if he turns me down I'll just go on with my life.

 

[torranceshipman]

Ah sweetie, it is cool to have a big crush from afar, but until you know the person really well, it is just a big crush. You do sound too young for him, and I am in NO way discounting your feelings (I know they are intense) but...it isnt really healthy to get so crazy in love with someone who has a girlfriend and a baby and doesnt even know you! It is great that you are very picky and respect yourself enough to be really picky but...this thing about not going after someone with a title? That's you looking totally for validation, not love, as if you dating a 'someone' somehow proves your worth (it doesn't - you're fine already!).

 

If you want to shoot for the stars then YOU shoot for it, and dont get the validation you want from a man. You're clearly very focused (and I see that you NEED a focus),eloquent, intelligent...you could be a female Barack in the future if you put your mind to it and make you and your career the focus - NOT the dating a model . You are NOT average or destined to stay forever in the crappy situation you feel you are in now...but I do understand your need for fantasy escape until you can change the status quo.

 

Plus...the other thing is - you can't know if this guy is actually nice at all from just lookin at his MySpace etc - hell, you've even already said that he sounds egotistical at times and he seems to have quite shallow (shallow but fun) friends too...and what happened with the ball player?

[Gangsta Chic]

:oEhhhh....I guess you have a point. I understand where you are coming from. But I do believe that love can be whatever you want it to be - to a point.