eurogal20 Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 My boyfriend just can't seem to get over my past. We've been going out for 8 months. He's been with 8 women(including me) and I've been with 5 men(including him). He asks me questions like almost everyday about the men I've been with and other things. One thing that almost pushed me over the edge was when he asked me who I lost my virgnity to and if I lost it someone I loved. He then got mad because I "gave my body up to someone who didn't earn it". In November, he cheated on me and begged me to take him back. I feel like I'm being too generous because he's the one who has wronged me and is acting like I wronged him with my past. He still continues interrogating me over the men I've been with. I don't know how to get him off my back. I have told him that there should be boundaries in our relationship. Some things are not his business and that I wish to discuss US.
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 His fears about you cheating and your past is projection. He is the cheater and therefore projects the same on you. This is pretty common. You need to dump him till he changes. He probably has nightmares too.
moman Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 His fears about you cheating and your past is projection. He is the cheater and therefore projects the same on you. This is pretty common. You need to dump him till he changes. He probably has nightmares too. I don't think that is the problem. He's insecure about something. Maybe he thinks that you compare him to other guys. Have you ever done that? Unfortunately, this is probably non-salvageable. In the future, just tell the next guy that the past is the past and you won't talk about it.
Derek1740 Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I know it's hard, but dump him and never speak to him again. Cheaters need to learn that their behavior is not accpetable and will not get them into a realationship anytimes soon. At least it will not get them in a realtionship with anyone descent. I was cheated on by the woman who I think is the only woman that I was ever able to love. We were engaged and planned to marry, I got a new job in order to support us better and i was working longer. She took this time to go and cheat on me with a junkie peace of trash that lived in the apartment complex right behind my work. So you could say while I was working, she was cheating righ under my nose. talk about a slap in the face, that I happened 6 months ago and I am just getting over. Focus on you, take time off of the dating scene for at least a year. Find a man who will accept you for who you are. No matter what, don't look back.
voldigicam Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 An alternative would be to simply give him a complete detailed briefing, with his agreement. Tell him everything. Where met, what attracted, exactly what you remember doing in clinical detail, what you liked, what you didn't like, if you want it again. If you think about that person any more. Where the relationship went. Good parts, bad parts. Really detailed. No matter what, just lay everything out. And the groundrules are: 1. He can't talk. He only listens. 2. He never brings anything you say up again ever. 3. He especially doesn't complain - he asked! This will, at the very least, train him not to pry! And there will be no secrets. And give him the option of simply not asking any more. Anything in between likely causes trouble. My wife and I have a don't ask/don't tell thing. I don't want to know, and I'm sure she doesn't!
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 In November, he cheated on me and begged me to take him back. I feel like I'm being too generous because he's the one who has wronged me and is acting like I wronged him with my past. He still continues interrogating me over the men I've been with. I don't know how to get him off my back. I have told him that there should be boundaries in our relationship. Some things are not his business and that I wish to discuss US. He is a douchebag. You should dump him while it is still easy to do so. 15 guys is not that many, he should not be up in arms about this.
Geishawhelk Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 5 not 15 - !! I think he has barefaced cheek being jealous and possessive then sticking it elsewhere. If you think there is something here worth staying with (I personally don't) I agree with Voldigicam, that you should sit him down (conditionally, again, with Voldigicam here!) and go through the whole thing with him. Then ask him: "Remembering that you had a choice -and it's your dick we're talking about here, so don't you DARE put any of this on my shoulders, because you're the cheater - explain to me again, why you cheated on me?" This should be interesting......
reservoirdog1 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I'm having trouble seeing why you're staying with him. Cheating on its own is reason enough to end a relationship. Being repeatedly interrogated and castigated about people you slept with before you even knew your SO is reason enough to end a relationship. But BOTH? Dump the ass. He needs to grow up. And you don't need to be there while he's doing it.
Ramrod Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I'm having trouble seeing why you're staying with him. Cheating on its own is reason enough to end a relationship. Being repeatedly interrogated and castigated about people you slept with before you even knew your SO is reason enough to end a relationship. But BOTH? Dump the ass. He needs to grow up. And you don't need to be there while he's doing it. Great advice, get rid of the sissy-boy loser and find yourself an honest, faithful man, your being abused, make no mistake about it, it starts with emotional & psychological abuse and escalates, don't walk away run away, run like the wind! What I would be inclined to do is take it one step further, tell him all these trips down memory lane have made you homesick for a real man, then leave him behind. What a douche-bag, makes me embarrassed to be a man. I NEVER ask a GF about the men in her past, why? Because I don't want to know, I may be insecure, but I'm smart enough to know ignorance is bliss!
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 5 not 15 - !! You always multiply by 3. Also, add +1 for every two trips out of the country. I can't believe you don't know that. How old are you? If it's a guy... you divide by 3.
reservoirdog1 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 What I would be inclined to do is take it one step further, tell him all these trips down memory lane have made you homesick for a real man, then leave him behind. I love this. Totally do it. What a douche-bag, makes me embarrassed to be a man. I NEVER ask a GF about the men in her past, why? Because I don't want to know, I may be insecure, but I'm smart enough to know ignorance is bliss! I second that. I've only asked if the woman in question has asked me. It's funny... my ex-wife was my first. She'd been with something like five guys before me. All the women I've been with since my marriage ended have been with other guys before me. XW cheated on me repeatedly. And yet, for whatever reason, I've never been bothered by a woman's sexual history. It's just not something that causes me stress or insecurity. Even if I were to force myself to think about it, it wouldn't really bug me at all. Not that I'm better than anybody else... guess I'm just wired that way. However, being in a relationship with somebody who DID try to make me feel guilty about my sexual past, basically to the point of wanting me to apologize for "using" those other women... THAT sucked. Fortunately I stood my ground and refused to apologize, she wasn't okay with that, and seven months ago I ended the relationship. Much happier now. So, OP, I understand how you feel, on both fronts. Tell the little boy to pound sand, and find a real man. BTW... you free on Friday night?
manugeorge Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 You've only been together 8 months and he already cheated on you? Aren't you suppose to still be in the "honeymoon" phase? Please dump the loser and fast.
MSUE Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 ??? what does your past matter? as long as your STD free who cares you didn't even know he existed @ that time ...and if I were you i would have not answered such questions they only cause prpoblems cause insecurites kick in... sometime my BF will ask things about my ex-H and I just change the topic and politely say what does it matter? I'm here w u and it's just that. If this behaviour continues you should dump him and move on..cheating on you when you haven't even been together a year it's a red flag you should not ignore.
Geishawhelk Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 You always multiply by 3. Also, add +1 for every two trips out of the country. Oh, sorry, didn't know we were ascribing to the Chauvinist school of maths. In that case, I've had 2 Bfs in my entire life. I can't believe you don't know that. How old are you? I wouldn't know that because I'm not a liar. And I'm 52. How old are you....9? If it's a guy... you divide by 3. That's not a lot of braincells, is it?
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Oh, sorry, didn't know we were ascribing to the Chauvinist school of maths. In that case, I've had 2 Bfs in my entire life. I wouldn't know that because I'm not a liar. And I'm 52. How old are you....9? That's not a lot of braincells, is it? I'm glad your not a liar. I was beginning to think there are not any honest people out there. It's also good that you have learned the rule! Use it well.
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