My spouse has discover facebook and loves talking about the past

[loveproblems]

My husband has discovered facebook and it is bothering me. Let me explain. My husband back in the day was a jock and got around alot if you know what I mean. He had no guidance from home and was aloud to do whatever he wanted. I grew up differently. I went to church and had alot of christian values. I did not become sexaully active until after high school and I can count all of my previous partners on one hand. I am also very ashamed for my actions. We did not go to school together and in fact lived in seperate areas. We are also almost 7 years apart in age as he is older than me. He joined the Army at 18 and got married way to early and soon after it ended in divorce. I met him at almost 28 years old and I was 21. We have been great together, we have 2 amazing children together, in which we raise them in a Christian home. We have been married for almost 8 years. I thought my husband had left his past right where it belongs in the past. But he has now discovered facebook and most of his friends on there are girls (which is okay by me, as long as he did not have relations with them). He is very open, he lets me see his page and I also know his password. But, he loves to get on there and talk about how drunk they used to get and how they used to go to certain places to party and have sex. I for one do not find it funny. I think it is repulsive and I think a truely "changed" person who has accepted Jesus into there lives should not find it funny, but instead denounce there previous behavior. How does he expect to teach our children different if he still thinks it is funny? Do not get me wrong, my husband is a great guy and for the most part has great values, but this is just bothering me. If I say something to him, its going to be, a big blow up and he will just make me feel like I do not have valid feelings. My question is would other people feel like me? Are my feelings normal?

[Enema]

I don't think it's right for a husband to be reminiscing with old sex partners about sex.

 

Being a christian has nothing to do with it. Bring it up with him and don't bring your religious hangups into it. Keep it rational.

 

You don't feel it's appropriate married man behaviour and want him to stop. Simple.

[LakesideDream]

loveproblems, Your husband sounds like a good man, with a new toy, Facebook.

 

I suggest you get away from the house and kids and have a real serious discussion with him. Let your husband know that you are hurt by his discussing "sex from the old days" with past friends. Tell him it's affecting your relationship and how you feel about him at this time.

 

If he's a good guy, he's going to listen and moderate his online behavior. In my opinion the fact that he allows you total access to his activities online is a great sign. He's not hiding. He obviously believes his online actions are harmless. You must let him know he is harming you and your marriage. Likely he will make the changes needed to remain happily married.

 

Is there more to this story? Are there other serious problems as well?

[MSUE]

Discussing his past sexcapades this publicly is disrespectful...but also makes me wonder...how is your sex life? is it stilll alive? is he satisfied? hmmm...I see a red flag...discuss it with him and I so agree with Enema "being a christian has nothing to do with it"

[The Collector]

It's unreasonable for you to expect him to 'denounce' his past and never talk or reminisce about it. We all enjoy doing that now and again, unless we are wrongly full of 'shame' about things there are no need to be ashamed of.

[Trialbyfire]

Talking to exes about past sex-capades is inappropriate behaviour. If intimate enough, this would equal an emotional affair.

 

Just tell him he's crossed your boundaries for a marriage. If he keeps pushing you back, in that his sexual needs are more important than behaving respectfully in a relationship, you have your answer as to whether or not he's a good partner.

[summer19]

I agree that he should not denounce his past, but he also doesnt need to be having that kind of conversation on facebook. But i really think you need to have a few words with him that this bothers you and you find it discusting.Christian or not.

[quankanne]

my guess is that like any new toy, the newness is going to wear off and the conversations will become increasingly low-key as time goes by. My husband is usually less than thrilled whenever I talk about how the gang from the college paper I used to write for got together for a cyber reunion and are now trying to figure out how to do it in real life. I guess it's easy for something like that to become threatening to someone who wasn't part of it, but then again, we don't talk sex, just reminisce about people in general.

 

you can't really put the cat back into the bag after it's fled, but the best thing you can do is tell your husband that its very uncomfortable for you to see him talking about a previous sex-filled life when he's hanging out on line. Maybe he'll get the message and tone down that part and keep the account strictly for communications purposes.

[Mr. Lucky]

It's unreasonable for you to expect him to 'denounce' his past and never talk or reminisce about it. We all enjoy doing that now and again, unless we are wrongly full of 'shame' about things there are no need to be ashamed of.

But isn't the info on Facebook available to anyone with access to your page? This has nothing to do with "shame", it is, as others have pointed out, innapropriate behavior for a married man...

 

Mr. Lucky

[The Collector]

But isn't the info on Facebook available to anyone with access to your page? This has nothing to do with "shame", it is, as others have pointed out, innapropriate behavior for a married man...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

You can talk privately via chat or PMs. It's unclear how much the OPs husband is talking about his past sexploits - I'm guessing not so much, if at all, but this is the part that bothers the OP the most so it's been exaggerrated. I could be wrong.

[Heroic]

This is your shot across the bow.

 

Sit him down and let him know, "Hey that story you told on face book reminds me of this guy I knew back in college...we got drunk one night and his penis was soooooo huge........and I was thinking I should look him up on facebook."

 

Right about there you should see the horrified look on his face.....Yeah it goes both ways......

[annieo]

This is your shot across the bow.

 

Sit him down and let him know, "Hey that story you told on face book reminds me of this guy I knew back in college...we got drunk one night and his penis was soooooo huge........and I was thinking I should look him up on facebook."

 

Right about there you should see the horrified look on his face.....Yeah it goes both ways......

 

Agreed. What's sauce for the goose, is sauce for the gander (that's my mom talking).

Paraphrased: it goes both ways.