redant Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 I have been dating someone for two months. At times he talks of his future, selling his home, buying some land and building a small one room home on it. Is that a red flag? I mean when I think of my future I want someone with me. I don't want to be alone, but I realize I don't really know my future also.
confused_2008 Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 You know as well as I do that saying all men plan their future alone (or with someone for that matter) would be a gross generalization. I always like to think of my future with a woman in it, but I'm still young and have an idealized vision of the perfect marriage, etc. I think after dating for two months you should focus more on the fact that he does have plans for the future. You can still fit in his one room cabin, btw. I know it would be more reassuring to have him fitting you into his plans, but it is still really early in the relationship so maybe he doesn't want to scare you off.
Author redant Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 Thanks confused. I kinda know the answer, but I like to know what others think. . It helps because I will start worrying and mess everything up!!
Gold Pile Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Some guys crave being alone, others are afraid to be alone. As one ages he may change his mind from time to time...or not. As a dreamer of small cabin myself.... He doesn't want kids, and is comfortable being alone, but that doesn't mean he'd reject living with the right woman.
Author redant Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 He's in his late thirties. We shall see. I want to have kids so, but it is very early I will get to know him a little more.
Trialbyfire Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 My personal take is that everyone should plan their future alone. This way, their financial planning will account for being self-supporting, thus ensure for independence. So I think he's a smart man, thinking about his future...period!
Woggle Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 While it's a definite plus if you find somebody worth sharing your life with it is not certain so a man should be prepared. Men should also have a backup plan just in case a woman all of a sudden decides she wants you out of her life.
carhill Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 I lived alone for a long time in a home (our marital home now) substantially bigger than one room. The home I designed for retirement is substantially bigger than one room. I like living alone. That doesn't mean I don't like having people around or being married. Based strictly on your OP, I'll call a strong yellow flag. Any man who looks for a future with little room (the one room house is a symbol of that) for others besides himself is not good relationship material.
Author redant Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 Yea Carhill the one room thing is weird. I think he is thinking he wants a real simple life. Thanks for all the responses.
movingonandon Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 While it's a definite plus if you find somebody worth sharing your life with it is not certain so a man should be prepared. Men should also have a backup plan just in case a woman all of a sudden decides she wants you out of her life. ...with half of your assets on her way out. I think that for me that's the key reason for planning my future alone. I'd happily welcome the right woman in there, but she'll have to have a planned and stable 'future' of her own (so we could combine them ), not to latch onto/into mine
Woggle Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 ...with half of your assets on her way out. I think that for me that's the key reason for planning my future alone. I'd happily welcome the right woman in there, but she'll have to have a planned and stable 'future' of her own (so we could combine them ), not to latch onto/into mine Very true. Men who don't prepare for a single life are left out in the cold when reality hits them. If you ask me this man is just being smart about his future and if a woman is worth it to him he will make room for her in his life.
Author redant Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 Now I'm thinking I need to plan my future!! Well I have a decent job a house so now I just need to visualize!! It's just when I do I see someone helping me, but I could end up alone so I need to be happy alone if that is the case. I think I know I want to get married have a child so if the person I am dating does not I will not stay in the relationship. God willing. I'm in my late thirties so I don't have all the time I used to.
carhill Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Yea Carhill the one room thing is weird. I think he is thinking he wants a real simple life. Thanks for all the responses. My sense is that assertion (simple life) is an over-compensation for something else. Find out what that is and you'll have your answer. Best wishes!
movingonandon Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Now I'm thinking I need to plan my future!! Well I have a decent job a house so now I just need to visualize!! It's just when I do I see someone helping me, but I could end up alone so I need to be happy alone if that is the case. I think I know I want to get married have a child so if the person I am dating does not I will not stay in the relationship. God willing. I'm in my late thirties so I don't have all the time I used to. Well, that's a nice attitude. Also, you should probably try to find a way to be able to discern the marriage potential early on and be strict about it (but without giving ultimatums!!). It is unfortunate and unfair, but men are wary of women in their mid 30s and thereafter, because they simply assume that they are in a rush to get married and pregnant and that half perceived/half real pressure could easily ruin the relationship upfront. I wish this was not the case, but I share the same stereotype (even while readily acknowledging that it is unfair).
Trialbyfire Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Now I'm thinking I need to plan my future!! Well I have a decent job a house so now I just need to visualize!! It's just when I do I see someone helping me, but I could end up alone so I need to be happy alone if that is the case. I think I know I want to get married have a child so if the person I am dating does not I will not stay in the relationship. God willing. I'm in my late thirties so I don't have all the time I used to. You should plan your future. Everyone should do it while in their teens and twenties. This doesn't mean they should stick verbatim to their life plan but when it comes to financial planning, only YOU can look after yourself. redant, stop looking at men like they're means to an end, the final page. Look to finding a partner, someone with similar life goals. Consider the ones that aren't compatible in core ways, as men who are auditioning for the part of life partner.
BUENG1 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 I like that Trial, thanks. I dont know I think if he's talking about building a one bedroom house in the wilderness, he's probably not wanting a family. Have you asked him if he wants one?
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