artchick88 Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 What are some of the best ways for a girl to get a man and keep him? I keep hearing that I have to play hard to get, and what exactly does this mean? What type of attitude should a woman have that also lets the man know she cares for him? Is there a way to play this game without coming off like a total bitch? Any related thoughts are more than welcome!! Thanks!
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Some may disagree with me, but I found a lot of value in what Christian Carter has to say about the things you mentioned in your post. Seeing as how I can't give out commercial links, try googling him. I don't agree with the conventional way of "playing hard to get." I'm not into games. But I do think it's important to keep hold of your feelings and not let them overwhelm you too soon. Not getting caught up in the, "Could he be the one????" thought. Just have fun, roll with it, let him chase. It IS important to keep some mystery and there's nothing mysterious or interesting about a girl that'll fall all over a guy just because he looked her direction.
Geishawhelk Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Yes. Develop confidence, without being cold. Develop dignity without being aloof. Develop independence without being superior. It should take you around 20 years. Alternatively, you might already have it, without being aware. Look to yourself.... It's worth it in the end........
Viking Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 But at the same time, give the guy direction so he knows that he isn't wasting his time. Most frustrating part I'm finding about dating is the being sure that the girl wants to be pursued...especially when they're modus operandi is texting or emails...
Island Girl Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Yes. Develop confidence, without being cold. Develop dignity without being aloof. Develop independence without being superior. I would add a willingness to give with the ability to uphold your boundaries and not be taken advantage of. ...especially when they're modus operandi is texting or emails... Take the texting and e-mailing out of the equation. It has no place in the development of a relationship. 1. It is too difficult to gauge tone, etc. 2. If a person refuses to take a few minutes out of their lives to actually have a conversation with you then you should move on anyway.
Surfer Dude Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 But at the same time, give the guy direction so he knows that he isn't wasting his time. Exactly, and positive feedback is very important in all stages of dating. If I like a girl and want to date her, but she acts flaky and plays hard to get, I will drop her cold turkey and go for other girls. Honestly, why should any man (or woman) have to waste their time on people who play silly mindgames? This "playing hard to get" tactic might work with low self esteemed men and desperate men who consider you to be their only option. I certainly don't see how you could keep a man of quality this way, because a man of quality has tons of other options and women would be happy to be with him. I really appreciate fun loving girls who are kind, respectful, and like being around me. Seriosuly, only a totally desperate chump would agree to be a part of this game, waiting for the Ice Queen to throw him a bone from her fairy castle. If this guy has any confidence or self esteem, this will backfire!
Island Girl Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 If this guy has any confidence or self esteem, this will backfire! I think what is being advised here is exactly what you claim you adore. You cannot deny that a desperate, needy, wallflower, who is willing to be treated badly is not attractive. The same is true for men - those qualities are not attractive either. I would also state for the record that the above advice does not back fire. In fact the opposite. I have proven that myself time and time again. It is nothing more than having a healthy respect for yourself and boundaries as to how you will and will not be treated. Those are the basics. To anybody those are attractive qualities.
Surfer Dude Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 I think what is being advised here is exactly what you claim you adore. You cannot deny that a desperate, needy, wallflower, who is willing to be treated badly is not attractive. The same is true for men - those qualities are not attractive either. I would also state for the record that the above advice does not back fire. In fact the opposite. I have proven that myself time and time again. It is nothing more than having a healthy respect for yourself and boundaries as to how you will and will not be treated. Those are the basics. To anybody those are attractive qualities. Excuse me, but what exactly are you talking about here? Your post is incoherent and I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'll try to reply nonetheless. The OP asked if playing hard to get would help her get a guy and keep him. The answer is definitely NO, it WILL backfire, because most men are not into mindgames. It's a transparent game that MOST people can see right through, both men and women. Having boundaries has nothing to do with playing hard to get, it's all about self respect. Do I date women who are cool, have high self esteem and confidence, and give me positive feedback? Absolutely. Do I date flaky women who act hot-cold? No, I drop them. Playing hard to get translates into "I know I'm not anything special, but I wanna enjoy your attention and being chased, so I will pretend you mean nothing to me". Sister, we see right through it, it's totally transparent. And yes, only a desperate guy would agree to play that kind of game, HOPING that he might get lucky with this particular woman. Since I have other options (many men do), it's easier for us to go for other women, than to get hung up over just one.
Island Girl Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Excuse me, but what exactly are you talking about here? Your post is incoherent and I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'll try to reply nonetheless. From this post it is apparent that you will proceed in contradicting yourself and yet you find my post incoherent...? The OP asked if playing hard to get would help her get a guy and keep him. The answer is definitely NO, it WILL backfire, because most men are not into mindgames. It's a transparent game that MOST people can see right through, both men and women. I believe the OP asked HOW to play hard to get and IF men would respond. The advice given (by myself and others) is that she should develop confidence, dignity, and independence among others. I do not think having those qualities and applying them to one's life constitutes a "mind game". Having boundaries has nothing to do with playing hard to get, it's all about self respect. In fact all of these character suggestions lend themselves to self respect and that was my point. You just basically paraphrased my post right here. Do I date women who are cool, have high self esteem and confidence, and give me positive feedback? Absolutely. Exactly. *sigh* That is what people here have been saying a girl needs to be. Do I date flaky women who act hot-cold? No, I drop them. I just went through every post here and not one advises the OP to be flaky or act "hot-cold". Any person in their right mind would stop seeing a person like that - male or female. Playing hard to get translates into "I know I'm not anything special, but I wanna enjoy your attention and being chased, so I will pretend you mean nothing to me". Sister, we see right through it, it's totally transparent. The advice given here is to be confident and have self respect (again, among other qualities) and anyone who has these qualities would not think "I know I'm nothing special...". Quite the opposite actually. Playing hard to get isn't pretending the other person means nothing either. Funny that you are a man trying to advise a woman how to attract and keep a man. I believe you also advise men that they shouldn't spend more than $5 on a girl they are not regularly sleeping with. That is a direct quote I believe. So one can only assume you operate on a whole different level. This young lady is trying to attract a man and have a relationship. Not just sleep with some guy until he, oh how did you put it, drops her. And yes, only a desperate guy would agree to play that kind of game, HOPING that he might get lucky with this particular woman. Since I have other options (many men do), it's easier for us to go for other women, than to get hung up over just one. But the women who lack a bit of confidence or are really hot but kind of needy, you sleep with them right? They just aren't relationship material. And by your own admission they aren't relationship material. The qualities listed in the previous posts would be what you see in a girl who you want to stick around. Yes exactly the point.
Hersheys Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Since I have other options (many men do), it's easier for us to go for other women, than to get hung up over just one. Lucky you. You sound like a keeper.
Trialbyfire Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Acting like anything that's not yourself, will get you nothing but heartache or internal strife. No one can pretend to be someone they're not for any length of time and not have it come out and bite themselves in the ass. What are some of the best ways for a girl to get a man and keep him?Why would you want to keep a man? They're not pets or objects to be "kept". They're potential partners that you might want to share your life with. I keep hearing that I have to play hard to get, and what exactly does this mean?It means that people play silly, immature games. What type of attitude should a woman have that also lets the man know she cares for him?A woman shouldn't have any kind of attitude besides the ones that she honestly has. Is there a way to play this game without coming off like a total bitch?While many play the game of love, if you want a viable relationship, just be yourself and if you find the right person, it will all fall into place.
Author artchick88 Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 . Seriosuly, only a totally desperate chump would agree to be a part of this game, waiting for the Ice Queen to throw him a bone from her fairy castle. If this guy has any confidence or self esteem, this will backfire! Good point! thanks for the advice
Author artchick88 Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 Additionally, thank you Island Girl for understanding what i mean!!! Thanks for the feedback everyone
Brady_to_Moss Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 I remember back in senior year of highschool a girl did this to me that i liked...so i moved on and a week later she was begging me to go out with her but i was allready on another girl and said no.....i am not going to waste my time on childish games.
alphamale Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 What are some of the best ways for a girl to get a man and keep him? good sex, good food and watch a football game with him on occasion I keep hearing that I have to play hard to get, and what exactly does this mean? it means being available but not too available.... What type of attitude should a woman have that also lets the man know she cares for him? she should be sensitive and give emotional support and be feminine but also be able to hold her own and express her wants and needs in a direct way to the man in question... Is there a way to play this game without coming off like a total bitch? sometimes both men & women have to be mean to get what they want....that is just life. don't let people walk all over you.
MindoverMatter Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 You don't play hard to get, you become hard to get. Don't sell yourself short. Demand high standards from yourself and the significant other in your life and say what you need. Men, nor women, are mindreaders. Don't play games. It mostly backfires.
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