gingercat Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Hello all, Basically I'm really worried about practically any girl my boyf works with. He's friendly and chatty and sometimes his behaviour comes across as flirty although he doesn't see it. He works in a supermarket and there are loads of young females there-you know how it is in these places, everyone flirts/chats with everyone. Well he swears he only chats to the older women on his dept. and is just fairly friendly and collegial with the others but he is very cagey about me going in there shopping with him. When I went in shopping with him yesterday this girl at the checkout who was serving us was blatantly staring at my OH and also me. He'd swore that he doesn't chat to this particular one as they never see each other but she was like 'hey, how was your day today' etc so they've obviously chatted before. There's also this new girl who's just started who works in personnel and is attractive and younger and am worried he's going to start chatting to her and then fall for her. Any thoughts? Thank you
Geishawhelk Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Yes. You're the one with the problem of insecurity and low self-esteem. he's bright, confident, friendly and outgoing. He doesn't see the issue. You're the one with the issue. You ned to talk to him, and work something out, because otherwise you will destroy this relationship.
MadDog Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 I agree with the above. The original poster is the one with the issue. The reason he gets "cagey" when you're at his workplace is because you're jealous/insecure and he doesn't want you causin a ruckus just because one of his female coworkers says hi to him. If you don't get your insecurity under control, he'll probably leave you, and rightfully so. No one wants a jealous/insecure girlfriend. MD
Author gingercat Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 Thank you for giving me some perspective. Would you mind if your SO chatted to someone of similar age to them at work? (opposite sex)
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Thank you for giving me some perspective. Would you mind if your SO chatted to someone of similar age to them at work? (opposite sex) If your so worried about it... just make sure he never leaves the house horny.
Geishawhelk Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Thank you for giving me some perspective. Would you mind if your SO chatted to someone of similar age to them at work? (opposite sex) Absolutely not. I may not have confidence in them, but I have 100% confidence in him, and in my own role in our relationship. My SO is constantly surrounded by little Law Groupies (he's a senior law Student in his Law University, 3rd year) and they're constantly flcoking round him for feedback, advice guidance and law coaching. I give a damn. It's me he's with, and he makes it absolutely clear in one way or another that he is not up for anything even remotely tricky. He just lets them know how wonderful his GF is, what I do, how I help him.... :Dhe drops enough subtle hints to fend them off...... This is not for my benefit, but for theirs. There's nothing worse than a silly girl making a complete idiot of herself! Maybe, to help you over this, your BF could do the same......?
MSUE Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Insecurity it's not fun...What do you want him to do punch in stare at a register...don't talk to anyone...c'mon missy you need to work on yourself or you will ruin this relationship...my BF is in sales he has to talk to all kinds of people alll day long lots of women too...do i care? no...cause its us at the end of the day and only us in bed...
torranceshipman Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Cmon, with you being so jealous, why do you think he lied? To avoid a scene or to avoid less nagging and pouting from you, thats why. I'm sure he's not doing anything wrong, but what guy (or girl for that matter) wants their partner visiting them at work when they're going to give them grief for simply chatting to workmates? You seriously need to work on your jealousy issues...it is normal and healthy for him to talk to all people of his own age that he works with! I bet youre lovely and he thinks so too so just chill and enjoy!
LovieDove24 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 You give no indication that he has cheated or done anything deserving of your watchful eye. Therefore I agree with the above posters. To be honest if I am secure in a relationship I find it ego boosting that other women want my man but he still comes home to me at the end of the day. Unless you left out some important information like "He's cheated on me," Well then you need to do some self esteem boosting skills and fast or you won't be in this relationship much longer.
confuseddd Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Geisha...you have complete confidence in your SO...is HE flirty and walking a thin line? There's a difference. I have been with a man that was so sure of his love for me taht he had no need to be overly friendly and flirtatious. I was fine with him. Women came on to him, but it was ok with me, b/c I knew he wouldn't be throwing out "possiblities" to other women. I think this is what the OP is referring too. He may be over the top... My now SO is a MAJOR flirt and just says WHATEVER comes out of his mouth. I'm sorry...this guy needs to make her #1. It can be done! Take it from me...I've been with both and I know how the OP feels. I absolutely HATE how my SO does me sometimes....however, the sweetest revenge is when I turn the tables on him. guess what...he HATES it and has a duck fit.... Too funny....
Geishawhelk Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Hah!! "Flirty" is his middle name! He adores feminine attention! But he knows the limits. TBH, I honestly think it's a matter of confidence, experience and going round ther block a few times. Let's face it., Every situation is different, and giving a blanket response to something like this, is impossible. All any of us can go by is the words on the page. But the general timbre of the OP seems to indicate that this is more of an issue for the OPer, than it is for her BF. His sensitivity and understanding is an issue for discussion (between the OP and him, I mean....) but there does seem to be a strong case here, for addressing her own issues too....
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Thank you for giving me some perspective. Would you mind if your SO chatted to someone of similar age to them at work? (opposite sex) Are you serious? No. No. No. I would think it kind of weird if he DIDN'T talk to females of similar age, seeing as people are social creatueres that need human interaction as part of being healthy and normal. What exactly do you want? Should he quit his job or become a recluse who interacts only with you?
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