pandagirl Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Last May/June I dated a guy. It is well-documented on here. We both genuinely liked each other, but he broke it off. We tried to be friends for a while, but that obviously didn't work out. Last time I saw him was in September, very little contact since. Now, just 20 minutes ago, I saw him standing with his new girlfriend in the street and I went up to him and said hi. I feel strange now. I feel relieved that we still have the same, easy, humorous rapport with each other. We obviously still get along great. I was making him laugh a lot. As we were saying our goodbyes, he said: "We should hang out soon." And I said, 'Yes, we should.' And we left with we would get in touch with each other next week. He gave me a hug, I shook his gf's hand, and then we left. Everything went fine, but now I am left with an uneasy feeling. I don't want to date him again, but yet I can already tell lingering feelings have already surfaced. I really want him in my life, he's one of the few people I've met in the seven years I've lived here that gets me. But it's probably not a good idea. Right?
Crestfallen_KH Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 If you still have lingering feelings, then it's probably not a good idea. The more time you spend with him, the more they'll return and you'll be setting yourself up to get hurt hearing about his girlfriend/seeing them together. I know it's hard to let him go (I'm familiar with your story) but I really think you should unless or until you don't have those feelings anymore.
peteyj Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 This would be awkward to me. It's one thing to be friendly, have a conversation, but if this girl was indeed his new gf, it's a little odd he's talk to you about hanging out and getting together again considering you two haven't spoken much in like six months. His current GF couldn't have been too happy. Imagine if you have a new bf and he bumps into his ex whom he barely speaks to or stays in contact with and then one day he starts schmoozing in front of you and invites her to hang out and spend time together. It's one thing if you two were good friends. But you say you tried the friends thing and it didn't work and haven't been in contact with the guy in about six months. I would find it odd he'd throw out the 'lets hang out,' 'get together routine' in front of his new gf. Why would you want to even get yourself back into a mess with a guy who doesn't seem to show any respect in regards to a relationship?
Dumbledore Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 , I shook his gf's hand, That was your only mistake, from what I can tell. If you slipped her a little tongue, it would have planted the seed for a scorchingly hot threesome. Anyway, we live, we learn.
Author pandagirl Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 This would be awkward to me. It's one thing to be friendly, have a conversation, but if this girl was indeed his new gf, it's a little odd he's talk to you about hanging out and getting together again considering you two haven't spoken much in like six months. His current GF couldn't have been too happy. Imagine if you have a new bf and he bumps into his ex whom he barely speaks to or stays in contact with and then one day he starts schmoozing in front of you and invites her to hang out and spend time together. It's one thing if you two were good friends. But you say you tried the friends thing and it didn't work and haven't been in contact with the guy in about six months. I would find it odd he'd throw out the 'lets hang out,' 'get together routine' in front of his new gf. Why would you want to even get yourself back into a mess with a guy who doesn't seem to show any respect in regards to a relationship? Yes, it was his new girlfriend, because he told me she was. I think he's been dating her for 3-4 months and during that time, he has broken NC with twice, dropping me little emails here and there. I don't think his GF knows we ever dated. For all she knew, we were just old friends who hadn't seen each other in a long time. I didn't really see it as disrespectful, I guess, but I can see how his GF might be a little annoyed. Here's the thing, I 100% know that he genuinely really likes me as a person. We just really, really get along and click on a certain level. I make him laugh and he makes me laugh. So, maybe he really does just want to be friends? Or am I being ridiculous? HOWEVER, BOTTOM LINE. If i do not feel comfortable with this, then I shouldn't hang out with him. It's just so hard to let go to someone you really like and want in your life. I hate feelings.
Ariadne Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 I don't want to date him again, but yet I can already tell lingering feelings have already surfaced. But it's probably not a good idea. Right? You just saw him with someone and it stung a bit, but soon you'll forget about him probably. I guess the good idea is to be his friend. If you were not friends before I doubt this is going to happen.
AlektraClementine Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 he's someone else's boyfriend now. If you have feelings, you need to move on. It would be very selfish of you to entertain these old lingering feelings. You also need to tell him that you do not welcome the contact from him as it is inappropriate in the context of his relationship UNLESS he plans to bring his girlfriend with him when you guys "hang out sometime soon". I think you know this though. Be strong. Have character. That's what will help you get over these feelings.
dreamergrl Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Was it one of those things, where when you saw him with the new girl, you felt something heavy in your stomach? An icky feeling, like you don't like seeing that, and it makes you feel blah? If so, you can't be friends with him, it will only get worse.
Author pandagirl Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 he's someone else's boyfriend now. If you have feelings, you need to move on. It would be very selfish of you to entertain these old lingering feelings. You also need to tell him that you do not welcome the contact from him as it is inappropriate in the context of his relationship UNLESS he plans to bring his girlfriend with him when you guys "hang out sometime soon". I think you know this though. Be strong. Have character. That's what will help you get over these feelings. I have absolutely no interest in trying to start anything up with him again. The lingering feelings aren't based on lust, they're based on the fact that I love being around him and knowing him. I really wish these feelings weren't present, so we could be friends. It's frustrating. Was it one of those things, where when you saw him with the new girl, you felt something heavy in your stomach? An icky feeling, like you don't like seeing that, and it makes you feel blah? If so, you can't be friends with him, it will only get worse. Yuuup. That's the feeling. And I knew once I had that icky feeling in my stomach, that we couldn't hangout just "as friends." It's so weird. As I got ready to go out last night, I got this 6th sense feeling that I'd run into him and I did. I live in NYC. It's never run into anyone I know on the street! I wish I didn't feel this way.
dreamergrl Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Yuuup. That's the feeling. And I knew once I had that icky feeling in my stomach, that we couldn't hangout just "as friends." It's so weird. As I got ready to go out last night, I got this 6th sense feeling that I'd run into him and I did. I live in NYC. It's never run into anyone I know on the street! I wish I didn't feel this way. I'd just ignore him if he tries to contact you. If you really feel like you need to say something, tell him the truth. You don't feel like you can be around him. I've had this feeling before, and it sucks! It will pass though. Continue to go out, have fun, and eventually it will be like it never happened.
Author pandagirl Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 I'd just ignore him if he tries to contact you. If you really feel like you need to say something, tell him the truth. You don't feel like you can be around him. I've had this feeling before, and it sucks! It will pass though. Continue to go out, have fun, and eventually it will be like it never happened. That's what I plan to do. He doesn't make it easy though! He's the one with the girlfriend and the one who has been breaking NC with me all this time. It's not fair. The whole thing was bittersweet. It was so wonderful to see him and reconnect in that way that we used to, but at the same time, it was confirmation that I need to stay away.
dreamergrl Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 That's what I plan to do. He doesn't make it easy though! He's the one with the girlfriend and the one who has been breaking NC with me all this time. It's not fair. The whole thing was bittersweet. It was so wonderful to see him and reconnect in that way that we used to, but at the same time, it was confirmation that I need to stay away. Don't you hate that!?! It's like, why are you contacting me??
Author pandagirl Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 Don't you hate that!?! It's like, why are you contacting me?? What can I say? I'm a cool girl. The kind of girl that guys don't forget easily. I have to admit, that part of my uneasiness with this whole thing is I have latent anger towards him. I have a difficult time expressing anger; usually I just bottle it up inside and pretend like everything is OK. But I do hold a grudge towards him. Part of me hates that he didn't give us a chance, and is now with a girl who has a limp fish handshake.
dreamergrl Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 What can I say? I'm a cool girl. The kind of girl that guys don't forget easily. I have to admit, that part of my uneasiness with this whole thing is I have latent anger towards him. I have a difficult time expressing anger; usually I just bottle it up inside and pretend like everything is OK. But I do hold a grudge towards him. Part of me hates that he didn't give us a chance, and is now with a girl who has a limp fish handshake. I'm looking for the thread, I remember responding to a big one of yours a while back. @ limp fish handshake
redant Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 I wish you the best. I hope that you get over him. He is not worth your time. He's not as great as you think he is. Best Wishes!!
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