a_f_w Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Hi. You being friends with your ex's friends, or their family, adds a certain complication to employing NC and related behaviours. I'll just use my own example to show what I mean. My girlfriend left me not too long ago, for another man. She cheated on me and all that, and because of that and other reasons, I do not feel kindly towards her any more. However, I do still really love her family, and they liked, and still like, me. I really liked them. Now, I am vaguely involved in something with her mother that is nothing to do with my gf, but apart from that I could just never see them all again. It's a shame but I'd be OK to do that because it's just what I need to do to move on. But, today her sister invited me over to her place for a meal and to talk to her and her husband about certain interests of ours, etc. I politely declined, saying that I would have liked to, but I don't think it is appropriate now. She said how it's fine and none of that matters, just come as a friend etc. I will not be going, certainly, and my reasons are as follows: > It will remind me of something I miss about my former relationship > It will pull me back into doing things that I used to do when I was still with her, and I need to avoid doing such things now > It would look quite strange to my ex, I am sure, as though I am trying to sneak around her and somehow win her family over without her. > It would strain her relationship with her new bf - for it is HE who should be meeting her family and doing that kind of stuff, not me. I'm old news, and should be forgotten. I'm sure that if I was in his position I wouldn't really like it if her ex (i.e. me) was still actively friendly with her family. > It is just plain weird, in my view I'm interested to hear what you think about this kind of thing. They're lovely people and if I was either still together with my girlfriend, or if we had never met and I somehow knew her family another way, then I'd be happy to be friends with them. But as it is, it's far too complicated, I think, and will just generate unneccessary bad feelings in me, in her, and in her new guy. Any thoughts? Thanks
lonelygurl Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 When I left my Xhusband I left his family behind as well. Unfortunately, I feel it is something you have to do. The friendship will never be the same. I miss some of his family a great deal, but it is too awkward and they are his family, in your case her family. I would let it go, and deal with the loss of the friendships personally. I know this has also happened to other family members of mine where they tried to stay friends with both people after a break up and it was horrible. All friendships ended up in the gutter.
Tryng2Trust08 Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 I agree...that is her family and you need to distance yourself from them. Maybe it will happen gradually. When me and my husband got divorced it was messy with his family..he cheated on me and I had 2 young children and they were siding with me. They did invite me to a few things, but in time it did phase out and I no longer see them. It is sad because they were my family also, but they understood and there is no hard feelings. The only way I would see his family again is if there was a death in his family, I have gone to funerals to pay my respects to his family. But thats it.I would just cut contact, and be cordial about it, they will understand.
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