puffsplus94 Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 I am a bit confused. My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years and have four kids 7 and under. I am a stay-at-home mom and do everything for him and the kids. We have never been overly affectionate to each other even before we got married but we do try to have date nights occasionally. Two weeks ago we were talking about planning a 10-year anniversary trip for the two of us and then all of a sudden this past week he tells me that he has developed feelings for someone else. He says that he is not ready to end our relationship but that he has not been happy for awhile and does not feel like I love him. To his credit, he has been painfully honest and open about everything and isn't trying to hide anything. We have spent the past 3 days trying to make sense out of everything. Now, to make this even more difficult, he gets new that he has to take a pay cut at work which makes our one income even tighter. We have tried to figure out the best way to go about things but it has been difficult. On one hand, I feel like telling him to man-up, dad-up and get over his pity-party about feeling loved. I mean, I take care of everyone and it's not like I feel loved, either, but I am not complaining about it. On the other hand, I don't want to be that bitter, hostile woman scorned so I want him to do what he needs to do. We have talked about trial separation but with our new financial situation it's not possible for him to move out. I want this to get resolved as soon as possible but I also want him to take the time he needs to make a decision he can live with. I don't want him to stay if he is going to be miserable but I also don't necessarily want him to leave. Any advice or thoughts? We need some help without dragging everyone we know into it. Thanks in advance!
Ronni_W Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Hugs, Puffs. And congrats on your sane and compassionate perspective! Have you two considered marital counseling? Also, individual therapy for him might help him gain insight into, and clarity about his desires and goals, and what feels to be "missing". The articles, and 'emotional needs' and 'love busters' questionnaires at marriagebuilders.com could also offer different ways of looking at things, and possibly point to possible solutions within your marriage. Best of luck. Sorry that you all are facing this.
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