summer19 Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Maybe most of you have ldr's that will finish as i.t.r.. But i would like to put out my warning. I have never had my heart broken as badly as I did with my LDR. I was devistated. For months i could not understand how it went from i love you to i cant do this anymore in 4 days. Now a few years after this...I look back and say I think the only reason I loved and wanted him so badly was because 1. when you cant have something you want it more 2. distance makes the heart grow fonder. I at the time beleived he was the most perfect being on the planet. He could do no wrong, He could say no wrong, he was only an angel. But if i think realistically about him and actually living everyday together.... I think i was just a fool to love him so. He probably had several things that i would have found undesirable..but i never saw them i only saw perfection in three days a month. Until it all collapsed down on me. He wasnt an angel, he was a human with inperfections and annoying habits, and bad moods and days just like everyone else. So those of you..beware. I hope youll have a better expierence than i did....best of luck to all of you .. and try not to think like i did... completely jaded. and p.s. now hes gonna marry the girl he left me for too .........im only slightly annoyed... I still wish he was the angel i imagined...and not the jerk who left
Island Girl Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 I have never had my heart broken as badly as I did with my LDR. I was devistated. For months i could not understand how it went from i love you to i cant do this anymore in 4 days. That must have been terrible. In a lot of cases it is a shock when a relationship ends. Especially when it seems there were no warning signs. Now a few years after this...I look back and say I think the only reason I loved and wanted him so badly was because 1. when you cant have something you want it more 2. distance makes the heart grow fonder. I'm glad you've gained some perspective on your own personal experience. It is great that you deciphered that you had really made more of it than it was because of circumstances. The same thing often happens with summer romances or vacation flings. I at the time beleived he was the most perfect being on the planet. He could do no wrong, He could say no wrong, he was only an angel. But if i think realistically about him and actually living everyday together.... I think i was just a fool to love him so. He probably had several things that i would have found undesirable..but i never saw them i only saw perfection in three days a month. Ah isn't it always that way in the beginning. Everything is wonderful and each person is at their very best. It is true in RL as it is in LDRs. They are no different. Because it takes a lot of time and effort to get to know someone, doesn't it? Yes. Always. And there are those times when a person does see things that may not be what they would embrace - but it gets excused away sometimes because of the feelings involved. It isn't always a bad thing you know. Having the ability to look past a person's shortcomings. In any successful relationship it is a definite skill. The ability to not sweat the small stuff is crucial. He wasnt an angel, he was a human with inperfections and annoying habits, and bad moods and days just like everyone else. You're right. He does have bad moods and annoying habits. We all do. Nobody is perfect. Well live and learn right? I mean now when you meet a guy you don't think they are perfect do you? You do expect some flaws and quirks? Maybe most of you have ldr's that will finish as i.t.r.. But i would like to put out my warning. So here is the part of your post that I take serious issue with. You are warning people against LDRs because YOU had a bad experience. YOU had a bad relationship. That is your experience ONLY. Your relationship isn't the same as any other here. And you think that your proclamation should be heard. It is just as bad as the person who gets married - their spouse cheats and leaves them - then they come out and saying "don't get married!" You had a bad relationship. It just so happens that your relationship was LDR and it didn't work out. Here's a tip. Most relationships don't work out. We go through life dating and having relationships of different types and dynamics which we hope will eventually lead us to the person we fit with. Thankfully the human brain has a way of getting over the pain of break ups so we can try again. The end result is there are A LOT of us who have found the person we will spend the rest of our lives with. So those of you..beware. I hope youll have a better expierence than i did....best of luck to all of you .. and try not to think like i did... completely jaded. You do? OH thank you! You hope we'll have a better experience than you did ... but the rest of your post reads as a condemnation of LDRs...? hmmm. Try not to think like you did.?. Hmmmm Do you mean don't think your significant other is wonderful and fantastic and like no other on the planet? Do you mean don't love completely with your whole heart? Do you mean don't believe that you'll be together forever? Ummmm because that would apply to anyone in any relationship. Long Distance, Marriage, Gay Marriage, Dating, Going Steady, etc. and p.s. now hes gonna marry the girl he left me for too .........im only slightly annoyed... I still wish he was the angel i imagined...and not the jerk who left Am I to assume that you still have not found your significant other? Well, then I'll wish you the luck. It is spectacular when it does happen. Glad you haven't given up trying. And to all of the other LDR posters and readers out there, we have challenges in our relationships. The distance can get so hard sometimes. But others have their own challenges as well. Just because others can see each other all the time doesn't mean they have great communication for instance or are truly happy. So when it gets difficult just remember: everyone is striving to find their "other". And if you believe right now that you have found him/her it is worth it to hold on.
You'reasian Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 I think the only reason I loved and wanted him so badly was because 1. when you cant have something you want it more 2. distance makes the heart grow fonder. No offense, but those don't seem like strong reasons for loving someone? I'm far from perfect, but when I love someone - I want to love them wholely - quirks and bad habits set aside - I want to know that I will take care of them if they are hurt, be there for them during tough times and generally want to show my affections.
Author summer19 Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 Island girl:"So here is the part of your post that I take serious issue with. You are warning people against LDRs because YOU had a bad experience. YOU had a bad relationship. That is your experience ONLY. Your relationship isn't the same as any other here. "You do? OH thank you! You hope we'll have a better experience than you did ... but the rest of your post reads as a condemnation of LDRs...? hmmm.Try not to think like you did.?. Hmmmm Do you mean don't think your significant other is wonderful and fantastic and like no other on the planet? Do you mean don't love completely with your whole heart? Do you mean don't believe that you'll be together forever? Ummmm because that would apply to anyone in any relationship. Long Distance, Marriage, Gay Marriage, Dating, Going Steady, etc." I am warning people to remember that even if you love a person so completley that its real easy to get caught up in the wonderful greatness when said person is not around ever. I have had more than one bad expeirence with this. I dont say LEAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS NOW! I said I hope that most of you will be lucky enough to not fall in the trap i put myself in. I wasnt with this man for just a week or a month it was quite a long time so it wasnt those "begining relationship" feelings. It was that I was completely ignorant to the fact that he wasnt the god i was worshiping in my mind. Im telling to all of you to remember that your person of far away is still human. And to try not to forget that part. I put this guy on a huge pedestal, more than a i.t.r because I only ever saw the great part of him. We spoke everyday, and i saw him about once or twice a month. But we never had a fight, we agreed about everything, and i was completly crazy in love with him. I was destroyed when he decided that he wanted to leave because i didnt think it was possible to love another human being so much. I dont condemn any of you for this..I just hope you will find more happiness in it than i did..and hopefully use your brain more than i did. IslandGirl:Am I to assume that you still have not found your significant other? Well, then I'll wish you the luck. It is spectacular when it does happen.Glad you haven't given up trying.And to all of the other LDR posters and readers out there, we have challenges in our relationships. The distance can get so hard sometimes. But others have their own challenges as well. Just because others can see each other all the time doesn't mean they have great communication for instance or are truly happy.So when it gets difficult just remember: everyone is striving to find their "other". And if you believe right now that you have found him/her it is worth it to hold on. I am married. I found my other. We are in a home together. For you all with these realtionships... The distance SUCKS. I feel for all of you. I was truely happy with my LDR other than i missed him terribly. I thought I would stay with him forever and i thought that guy was really worth holding onto..but it didnt work out that way..and now i have something else better. But like i said before I am NOT here writing LEAVE AND FORGET YOUR LDR NOW OR ELSE YOU WILL BE MISERABLE!!!!In fact i wished you all the best and i said i hope it works much better for you than it did for me. I am saying please keep a level head on your shoulders cause its real easy in this particular situation to loose the human aspect and go in worship mode. Maybe you all were smarter to start with but maybe some of you have this similar problem I had. I just hope it works out better for all of you, and that no one has to go through what i went though. I was living a fairy tale. I was not living reality and it shattered my heart when i came back down to earth. I was stupid about it. My warning is dont be stupid about it. Clean and simple. If you arent stupid about it than your already better off than i was and good for you. k?? You know i think its reallllllly rediculously easy to be completley misunderstood in forums.
Author summer19 Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 No offense, but those don't seem like strong reasons for loving someone? I'm far from perfect, but when I love someone - I want to love them wholely - quirks and bad habits set aside - I want to know that I will take care of them if they are hurt, be there for them during tough times and generally want to show my affections. there we go...the magic quote button! I didnt love him for that. I loved him for everything he did, said and was. I knew he had bad habits ect..but i posted before I put him up on a huge pedestal. Now, 3 years later i look back and think MAYBE just MAYBE I screwed my heart so bad because he was my fairytale prince charming. I wasnt looking at him with the eyes of reality. I think those reasons made it worse for me. I hope all of you really will not put yourself in my shoes and start with a sick sort of "worship". stay in reality and you will make it through fine. I was stupid in my situation, and my "warning" is once again to not to throw away what you have, think it shouldnt work or anything negative..my warning is just that of dont lose your head.
Rollercoasterr Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 I just have one question, and not to say that I dont get what you are saying and all, BUT... If you're happily married now why are you in an LDR forum posting to others to beware of the LDR? Did you come looking for somewhere to say this, or did you merely stumble upon it?
Author summer19 Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 Nope, I found this place looking for advice about family situtions, and I then saw this thread and thought I would share my story. I was hoping that it would help anyone out there to not make a similar mistake to mine.
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