Mand Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 These are the emotions I have been feeling in the past week towards my boyfriend. (I think it is safe to call him ex now, but im not sure if we are broken up yet) We met on a dating site and were only intending on being physical with each other but somehow right away we both just started caring for each other and it has lasted 4 years. Im 22 and hes 24. I'm Sikh, hes Muslim (for anybody who doesn't know, Sikhs and Muslims on the whole have issues with each other) ...so I knew it wasnt going to become a long term thing, but somehow it just snowballed into this long term relationship which is now starting to break down. His family knows about me, I would be in the biggest pickle of my life if I brought him up to my dad and we have talked about marriage for a while now...knowing that we better start growing some balls now or cut it off (err no pun intended). I tried breaking up with him in the first year or two of our seeing each other because I knew it wouldnt work but he would beg and plead with me and even cry, which I couldnt handle...I was (and still am) young so I didnt really know how to deal with this behaviour. Now suddenly after a trip to see one of his friends he realized he has been selfish while I was begging for a break from him he was crying and saying he couldnt live without me. So all of a sudden he decides this, which is making me angry because I could have met someone else by now and not felt as hurt and been over this **** by now if he had just been a man about it 2 years ago... I am angry that he wasted my time and that I dont have anywhere to start from with anybody new...I have become solely into him over the years we have been together and now i feeling like I have been used and compromised. I want to start dating new people but all I can seem to manage is meeting creeps and I guess I am just too shy to meet people the old fashioned way. I did love him but I don't anymore because I feel that he is a selfish and immature person who wasted my time and he grew up on my time and now that he can wrap his brain around his mistake he is trying to break up with ME. Any time I would try to break up with him he would accuse me of using him for things he bought me as gifts. I go to university, he doesnt, he just lives in the same town where I go to school and I feel that he is mooching off of me big time...he has no car and no job and he sleeps at my place for days on end...I was there to encourage him so much to get his high school degree but im sick of playing mommy to this guy, I need a real man and I need to get my life together...just want some people to give me some empowerment.
lofi_tokyo Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 As I mentioned on another post I just made - I am a little bit drunk right now, but I hope my advice still holds. Your last line says it all. Your needs are not being met. You claim to need a real man, implying your ex isn't really filling that role. If thats the case, you can either explain how you feel to your man and work with him to fulfill both your needs, or (and this isnt a bad thing) acknowledge that while you've had some good times in the last 4 years, you need more than this man can offer. Sometimes, as much as one loves or cares for an individual, that simply is not enough, and one must move on. You're looking for empowerment? As in you've kind of made up your mind to end things? Well heres what I've got to say to you: though it may be hard, be brave, end things, and allow yourself the chance to go out there and seek a man that will give you a sense of fulfillment in your life. That being said, a man should not be THE determining factor on if you live a good life. Work on yourself too. Figure out exactly what a "real man" is to you, figure out how to make yourself happy, and THEN find that ideal man.
Author Mand Posted January 31, 2009 Author Posted January 31, 2009 Thankyou...one post and im already feeling like someone is listening (my ex/bf-- hes got this thing about him which makes people want to give him money lol) he manages to make people pity him and reach out to him...its the vibe he gives off...i think he fuels himself off of other people's energy and that is why I feel so compromised all the time, I am constantly feeling like a bad person and feeling like im leaving someone in their most vulnerable state or something
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