missdeathwish Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 So I posted awhile back about the guy that I'm kind of seeing. I am a bit worried that I'm getting too attached, despite my desire to not get attached. Any good hints on how to detach myself? I mean, how much should I back off? We see each other once a week. I sometimes will initiate contact with him between our dates, he rarely does, unless we've made other plans and he's confirming or working out the details. I worry that maybe he's not interested in the chase or whatever. Any tips on how to make it more fun for him? Gentlemen? What makes a girl more fun for you? (Also, another question for the guys... I'm not even going to consider having sex until March. I promised myself that I'd wait a year after my last boyfriend, but that was interrupted by an expletive. Basically, I know he likes me and is attracted to me, but I'm not ready. I told him, he's okay with going slow, but has recently made another overture (to his credit, there was a month between them and I WAS enthusiastically smooching him). I was thinking something along the lines of, "Hey, I know I ran off on you and you wanted me to stay. I wanted to stay too, but it's important to me to hold off on sex for awhile longer, and I know that if I'd stayed, it would've been really hard for me to." Thanks, ladies and gentlemen. Wishing you all cookies and Thai food in great abundance. Note: Expletive is not the positive kind.
Dumbledore Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 I am a bit worried that I'm getting too attached, despite my desire to not get attached. Any good hints on how to detach myself? More lube should fix it. I'm not even going to consider having sex until March. You'll go stir crazy. Don't even joke about something like this. February may well be the longest month in your life - if you make it to the end with your sanity intact.
Author missdeathwish Posted January 31, 2009 Author Posted January 31, 2009 Har har. I've made it since March, another month won't kill me.
alphamale Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Gentlemen? What makes a girl more fun for you? one that will have sex after the third date... Thanks, ladies and gentlemen. Wishing you all cookies and Thai food in great abundance. thanks, i like green curry with chicken, medium hot
Author missdeathwish Posted January 31, 2009 Author Posted January 31, 2009 Anybody have something other to say than "Have sex with him"? Because that probably will happen, just not before I'm sure that it's what I want (and I get on BC and we both get tested, etc).
alphamale Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Anybody have something other to say than "Have sex with him"? Because that probably will happen, just not before I'm sure that it's what I want (and I get on BC and we both get tested, etc). unfortunately when most men hear the old "we won't be having sex for a while" and "oh by the way you need to get tested first" and "and i need to get on teh pill" we've already lost interest... its like a man saying to a woman "you'll need to get better looking and lose 25 lbs before we have sex" do you see what i mean?
Dumbledore Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 unfortunately when most men hear the old "we won't be having sex for a while" and "oh by the way you need to get tested first" and "and i need to get on teh pill" we've already lost interest... Yes, it's the old story - too much thinking, and not enough sex.
amerikajin Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 unfortunately when most men hear the old "we won't be having sex for a while" and "oh by the way you need to get tested first" and "and i need to get on teh pill" we've already lost interest... its like a man saying to a woman "you'll need to get better looking and lose 25 lbs before we have sex" do you see what i mean? You know, the older I get and the more experienced I become, the more I realize just how true this is. In the end, sex (or the lack thereof) is a deal breaker. Once a man knows what a good sexual relationship is all about, he will know that getting the perpetual runaround is just a waste of his time. I can wait a few dates and perhaps a few dates can be stretched out over a few weeks, but if I'm not making any progress in under a month, forget it. It's over.
alphamale Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Once a man knows what a good sexual relationship is all about, he will know that getting the perpetual runaround is just a waste of his time. I can wait a few dates and perhaps a few dates can be stretched out over a few weeks, but if I'm not making any progress in under a month, forget it. It's over. indeed, if the sexual chemistry is mutual then sex happens pretty quickly
Author missdeathwish Posted January 31, 2009 Author Posted January 31, 2009 Hmm. I thought that getting tested and being on birth control were acts of responsibility. He really turns me on quite a bit, but it is important to me that I have sex for the right reasons, not just the fact that we're both hot and bothered. I know that sex is very emotional for me and I don't want to get that emotionally invested if we're not on the same page. I have had sex with him before and it was really good. But I want to proceed with caution this time around since I got really emotionally invested the first time and he obviously wasn't on the same page. I suppose it bears mentioning that the last sex that I had was not consensual, so I am possibly a bit more sensitive than others about sex being a conscious choice rather than something that just happens. I'll be sad if I wind up missing out on him, but I'd rather respect myself and be with a guy that respects me and my boundaries than wind up feeling used because I gave something special hoping for something that I didn't wind up getting.
amerikajin Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Hmm. I thought that getting tested and being on birth control were acts of responsibility. He really turns me on quite a bit, but it is important to me that I have sex for the right reasons, not just the fact that we're both hot and bothered. I know that sex is very emotional for me and I don't want to get that emotionally invested if we're not on the same page. I have had sex with him before and it was really good. But I want to proceed with caution this time around since I got really emotionally invested the first time and he obviously wasn't on the same page. I suppose it bears mentioning that the last sex that I had was not consensual, so I am possibly a bit more sensitive than others about sex being a conscious choice rather than something that just happens. I'll be sad if I wind up missing out on him, but I'd rather respect myself and be with a guy that respects me and my boundaries than wind up feeling used because I gave something special hoping for something that I didn't wind up getting. Does he know about this? About the sexual assault? Maybe if you told him, it would allow you to open up and he might understand where you're coming from. If you don't want to go there that's understandable, but I think he needs to know where he stands or he'll end up making his own decisions. You wouldn't want him to leave because of a misunderstanding.
Author missdeathwish Posted January 31, 2009 Author Posted January 31, 2009 Ack. How do I bring that up though? I mean, dude.
burning 4 revenge Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 More lube should fix it. You'll go stir crazy. Don't even joke about something like this. February may well be the longest month in your life - if you make it to the end with your sanity intact. im only oatin because you posted i think the answer is the boss 67-0
Dumbledore Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 the last sex that I had was not consensual, I'm so very, very sorry.
amerikajin Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Ack. How do I bring that up though? I mean, dude. I don't know how you bring it up. I once dated a girl who, like you, avoided sexual contact, even avoiding kissing at first. I could tell that she liked me but there was just something that made her feel awkward about contact. I thought it was just a cultural difference or something, but it turns out she had been sexually assaulted herself. She just told me one night when we were talking over the phone. I guess you tell him when you feel the time is right, but if he really matters to you, I think he might want to know. If he's a good guy, I'm sure he'd be supportive and understanding.
zhsoj Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 No idea how you should tell him, but I would agree that you should seriously consider it. I for one would rather know. It's possible that he won't be ready to handle it. If not I'd give him a little time to get his thoughts together. If he is a coward and runs away from it though, I'd say it's probably for the better. This is something you are going to want your SO to know & understand at some point, right? Good luck. Nice use of the liars paradox in the sig btw
Author missdeathwish Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 Well, I guess I'll tell him what's going through my head. I really do like him and I certainly plan on becoming intimate with him, but I'm still a bit wiggy about sex. (Like, I only just started to be able to have fun solo within the last couple of months.) Yikes. Well, here's a test for us both.
unacceptable62 Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 So you and he have already had sex, but now you are saying that you want to wait for a while? Geez, this is hell on a guy, it's a wonder that he's stayed around.
Author missdeathwish Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 It was over two years ago. He was in a relationship with someone else (and I was on the other side of the world) in the interim.
Recommended Posts