smile_through_tears Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 God I have tears in my eyes as I'm writing this, because it hit me once again that I lost you...And because I loved you so much, I took all the pain on myself, I cried and hurt so bad but I didn't bother you with my tears...I watched you from a distance and felt pain big enough for me and you...I didn't allow you to feel any pain...I see you're doing good...I try to tell myself that I hate you but truth is I don't...I try telling myself that I wish you would feel what I'm feeling (that I do because I want you to love me and miss me as much as I do you but I know it's not reality)...I tell myself that seeing you hurt would make me happy but truth is seeing you hurt would break my heart.... Because I loved you but you could never see that...and I know we went through so much together...Because I didn't know what love was at the time, because you didn't know it either...But we cried on each other's shoulders & always kept telling each other how much it hurt to be away from one another and how we wouldnt ever put each other through that...But time went by and your eyes no longer had love in them...When I came near you rolled your eyes, when I touched you, you became annoyed...you wanted a different life, one without me in it... That spark in your eyes was no longer there...You never came back...I see you're clubbing and hanging out with BEAUTIFUL girls...and I'm not going to lie, it hurts more than you'll ever know..you used to always tell me I was so beautiful and you adored me, you were my everything...when I think of someone else holding you, kissing you, making love to you...when i think of you looking at another girl the way you looked at me....how cruel can this life be...Doesn't make any sense at all...Slowly we have drifted apart and because it was your choice, one day we will be strangers and that breaks my heart all over again because I want you in my life forever...One day you will fall in love with someone else again....and as much as it feels impossible right now, perhaps someday I will too....and everything we had is destroyed...I looked at a picture of you and I just kept on looking at your eyes....I miss you soooooo much, you cant possibly imagine. I love you so much, that REAL LOVE that feeling that you cant easily shake....but you...you forgot about me so easily. Am I that easy to forget? God why?? Why did I have to go through this with HIM when I loved him so much??? And why is all the pain on me??I had to let go because love wasn't enough.... But I havent moved on and it doesnt seem like I will.....As much as I try to convince myself that I'm doing good...I have made new friends, I'm in school, studying and working...I would trade it all in a second just to be with you again...it hurts, somedays it feels like it just happened yesterday and someday it feels like a lifetime ago like I never knew you...and as the more time goes by the more the distance between us grows...and the more I realize its over...but my love doesnt fade..but I will force it to fade or block it out...and it sucks because it is such a beautiful feeling to be able to love someone so deeply and so strongly...but it is hurting me...so I have to let go of it....
Mand Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 i didnt understand what people were talking about when they said breakups caused them stress and some of them would never love the same way again until I found out the hard way. I can understand your pain...sometimes its so hard knowing when your relationship is going to end even when things are good, you become jealous of this phantom woman who is making love to ur man in the future and of course shes hot and everything you're not and then ur picturing her pregnant and happy and all this bull**** and u just wanna kick his ass lol its the worst pain ever when you see even feel that your boyfriend is not attracted to you anymore or is more willing to ogle other women. My bf denies this...he also denies that any given supermodel is hotter than me...to which I know he is lying because well, i am pretty overweight and haha...well thats not the least of it. men are liars...they will opt for your poon because its the one which is available but if two were available...and they had to choose..it would be the hotter one. sorry for the vulgarity...your post was beautiful, just conjured up some personal issues of my own. dont worry (})
msjules Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 I am in the mental health field (masters level social worker with 23 years experience) and I have a gut feeling about you based on what you wrote. I hope at some point you can let go of some of this anguish and start to feel a little bit of healing anger toward your ex. I have a sense that you are turning your anger inward and blaming yourself totally for your breakup. Maybe I am wrong, I don't know. I am wrong a lot of the time. I do know that for myself when I started looking more honestly at my ex-boyfriend, when I took him off the pedestal I had him on and started looking at his faults and when I started getting angry at him, I started feeling a whole lot better. Your post really touched me and I hope you start feeling better soon. It will take time, but it will happen for you. This place is a godsend for a lot of people. Bless you.
Por Un Segundo Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Smile, your post brought tears to my eyes, because i felt that those exact words run through my head every day. I loved my ex so deeply that im trying to find my way out of the hole. It will take a while, but we all are here together. I also imagine things that she will be happier with someone else, someone better looking etc....but then when your friends and her friends tell you that your an amazing person and she will regret it...it makes me feel happy inside. You seem like a great person and i bet you are keep your head up and we will be happy once again.
awesomeallalone Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 this made me cry.... it felt like i was the one who wrote it! it really touched me!
incomplete25 Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I felt the same way, my first bf betrayed me, I gave my all, believing that he would keep his promises, promises that he would stay for you till end of time, a promise that he would like to build his family with you,. I was in the bus early this morning, thinking of all the memories you shared…and again it breaks my heart…there’s no morning and night that I never think of him…I cant feel any anger for him, I just worried that he might get hurt by his present gf or other girls, where in Im sure if he had me I wont ever leave him nor break his heart, how I wish I was a soul who could watch him day by day, I still care for him, I still love him, though he cant see it ,though he cant feel it, God knows how much I Love this guy… I know I would never love this way again, and it hurts seeing your love one with someone else already, if only they could see the real us, the one who will love them unconditionally, they will only feel a never ending happiness…but that love goes, we cant ask them to stay, only their memories left for us, while us who are very much in love unconditionally will left behind :’(
New York Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 This post is very intense. I think no comment is necessary. Just read it and feel.
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